Gotterdammerung (Twilight of the Gods)
by Swythangel
Summary: With their return to Weiss, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing
1. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel  
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com  
Title: Gotterdamerung (Twilight of the Gods)  
Type: Series 2/?  
Teaser: With their return to Weiss, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...  
Rating: PG (just to be safe)  
Spoilers: I don'tknow, let's just assume there is  
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi  
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff  
Waii! My first RanxKen fic…hope it isn't too ooc…ever notice how so many ranxken fanfics end up in the hospital? gigglethis is no exception...  
  
Gotterdamerung  
(Twilight of the Gods)  
  
[Omi]  
  
"Bombay, where's my back-up? My left flank is unprotected. And these idiots are almost more than I can handle."  
  
"Hold on a minute, Balinese."  
  
"Kuso! I don't have a minute. Tell Siberian to haul ass here now."  
  
I can sense the irritation in Youji's voice above the sounds of fighting. Normally the cool, methodical one, he sounds as though he's facing a number of enemies - enough to provoke the snarl of an alley-cat beneath the drawling tones.   
  
"Siberian?" I tap into Ken's frequency.   
  
No answer.   
  
"Siberian?" Impatience tinges my voice now.   
  
"Bombay. I've got the documents. On my way to help Balinese. Go find out where Siberian is." Ran-kun interrupted my efforts, his voice unemotional, as always.  
  
"Roger that, Abyssinian."   
  
What on earth could Ken-kun be doing? This is a high priority mission. I type a few commands into my laptop, rerouting the video cameras in the building, trying to locate Ken-kun.   
  
"Hmmnnn…last known location…14th floor."   
  
I type that in. Bingo! I have control of the whole floor's cameras, and I smile in pleasure, I've still got it, even after almost two years of non-combat…  
  
My smile quickly vanishes when the first camera zooms in on one part of the hallway…Ken-kun lying face down on the floor…  
  
"Siberian!" I can't help it, the knee-jerk reaction to Ken-kun's prostrate form is to scream in worry.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
Relief floods me as Ken-kun raises his head.  
  
"B…Bombay? What happened?"  
  
"You were sleeping on the job, Siberian." My tone was stern, knowing that Ran and Youji were listening in.   
  
"Oh my god! Balinese…" I saw Ken's image on the screen jump up in alarm. But before I could open my mouth to reassure him, Ran's voice sliced into the communicator.  
  
"Move out, Siberian, Bombay. Mission accomplished."  
  
[Ken]  
  
Damn! Aya, no, he's Ran. Ran is mad at me. I can hear the cold tone in his voice as he tells us to move out. It slices through my being, this cold, unemotional voice he uses, as if he couldn't care less about me. And he doesn't.  
  
It hurt to admit that he really doesn't.  
  
I should care less. Who wants an iceman for a lover anyway?  
  
That's right Ken. Go fool yourself. Like you've been fooling yourself for the past two years.  
  
I haven't been fooling myself, dammit! I've really forgotten him. I have!  
  
Yeah right.   
  
I snarl to myself and it echoes in the hallway.  
  
"Did you say something, Siberian?" Omi's voice comes out distorted in the cackle of static.  
  
"Iie. Its nothing Bombay. Just thinking to myself." I tell Omi in a preoccupied voice as I continue walking to the rendezvous point. I'm still concentrating on my fight with my inner voice.  
  
Now Omi must think I'm nuts. It's all your fault. I tell my inner voice.  
  
Oh, so you're blaming yourself now.  
  
Yes. Because it is your fault. Baka.  
  
Shit! I'm cursing myself. I sigh a deep heartfelt sigh. I'm back where I started from, a basket case. God, I'm tired and dizzy.   
  
Youji is probably irritated that I didn't get there in time. Omi must think I'm nuts. And Ran is mad at me. Why did I have to go back to Weiss anyway…  
  
Because you're a masochist and you love Ran….  
  
Who asked you! I snarl for the second time.  
  
[Omi]  
  
I move along the passageway carefully, cradling my laptop to my chest.   
  
Ken-kun's snarl startled me. He had never done it before. But then again, he hadn't fainted on a mission before either.   
  
I've been watching him carefully for a month looking for any signs of strain. Ever since Persia had called us all back to Weiss. I was the one that had told Ken. I remember Ken-kun didn't want to go back…  
  
"Oi, Omi! What brings you here? You didn't tell me you were coming today! Come here, I'll introduce you to my team." Ken-kun was almost dancing on his toes as he tugged me to the youngsters who looked up to him as their soccer coach. He looked better now. It had taken him two years but the haunted look was gone from his eyes and he seemed genuinely happy. I couldn't bring myself to tell him about my news. But I had to.  
  
"Anou…Ken-kun. I have something to tell you." I started out but Ken-kun waved me away. "Later, later. You'll love my posse." He continued to tug me towards the youngsters on the field and introduced everyone to me. I waited patiently, smiling at everyone until finally, Ken dismissed them.  
  
"Alright, introductions finished. Go back to the field and practice."  
  
"Oi, Ken-niisan!"  
  
As everybody scattered, I tried again. "Ken-kun, I have something to tell you…"  
  
He sighed and smiled at me.   
  
"Alright." He flopped down on the grass and gestured to a spot beside him. "C'mon Omi. Sit down.".  
  
He grinned up at me, looked so happy…I *really* didn't want to tell him. But I had to. Ran had been the one who ordered me to do it. And I wasn't about to disappoint him, even if he had toned down after Aya-chan had woken up.  
  
I sat down next to him and watched him for a minute. I knew I was only stalling but I couldn't help it. Ken-kun was my best friend and I didn't want to tell him what I had to tell him.  
  
"My, you look too serious, Omi! Lighten up."  
  
How to tell him? How to tell him. In the end I couldn't say anything so I did the next best thing. I opened my knapsack, took out the carefully wrapped package and gave it to him.  
  
"A present for me?" He laughed delightedly. "You shouldn't have."   
  
He hadn't changed a bit. It had been so easy to please Ken-kun before and even though he was now a famous soccer player, he was still easy to please. That was one thing that I liked about Ken. But it wasn't a present and Ken was going to find out the hard way.  
  
"What's this?" The delight was replaced by surprise as Ken held out what I had given him, he was staring at it hard.  
  
"Its your bugnuk." I told him. He'd know the rest.  
  
"No! Iie! I can't go back." I could see the wild look enter his eyes. "How could you ask me that, Omi? You of all people!" He stood up and threw the bugnuk at me; I almost didn't catch it.   
  
"No, I don't want to go back to Weiss. I don't want to see him again."   
  
Ken-kun ran away from me but I knew it wasn't me he was running away from. He was running away from what Weiss had become to him. He was running away from Ran.  
  
Of course, in the end, Ken-kun joined us. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist. He never could take the thought of having even one of us in danger without being there to help.   
  
I sighed and noticed the light up ahead. The rendezvous point.  
  
[Youji]  
  
That baka, Ken!   
  
I wipe the blood off my cheek. A bullet grazed it when one of the enemies took a lucky shot at me. The first time in many years, the lucky bastard. On the first mission since Weiss got back, too. Of course, now, he wasn't around to tell the tale.  
  
It was a good thing Ran came in when he did or else it wouldn't be just my cheek. Which brought me back to Ken. He was supposed to be covering me but where was he? Sleeping on the job!   
  
When he gets here, I am going to wring his neck.  
  
A door opens to the right. I swing around eagerly, hoping it's Ken.  
  
"Oi, Ran-kun, Youji-kun!"  
  
It's just Omi. Where *is* Ken? The baka is taking too long.   
  
"Where is Siberian?" Even Ran seems impatient. But he is probably only worried. He was always good at hiding his feelings.  
  
Ken probably tripped over his own feet. I sigh. Honestly, Ken could be so clumsy at times. Adorably clumsy, but clumsy nonetheless. Especially around Ran. The thought in my head was embittered.  
  
Clink! Clink!   
  
I look up and see Ken's booted feet coming down the fire escape. Relief fills me.   
  
"Oi, Ken! Will you please hurry it up. We haven't got all night you know. And I still have to wring your neck for deserting me." I call up to him jokingly.  
  
"Matte, Youji!"   
  
Ken's voice sounds strained, like he has a headache or something. Suddenly, I notice how hard he is clenching the railing on the fire escape's ladder.   
  
"Daijobu ka?" I ask in concern.  
  
"Daijobu." He answers. But at the same time he loses his grip on the railing and plummets down towards us.   
  
"Ken!" I shout in alarm, rushing to catch him only to be beaten to it by Ran. He had anticipated the fall and was directly beneath when Ken fell. Ran caught Ken with ease. What's new? I was obviously bitter but that wasn't something I wanted to dwell on right now. Something was wrong with Ken.  
  
[Ran]  
  
"Ken!"  
  
Youji's voice is only a minor distraction as I hold out my hands to catch Ken. I brace myself as he falls into my arms and am surprised. Ken is lighter than he had been two years ago.   
  
What have you been doing to yourself? I want to ask him. But I won't, even though I am worried. I didn't do it then and I won't do it now. Silence has always been my retreat from something I wasn't sure I could give.  
  
I quickly took off the ski mask he wore. I remember that he hadn't wanted to wear it but did so out of necessity. It had been a funny moment for all of us.  
  
"Here, Ken." Youji handed Ken the ski-mask casually.  
  
"Nani? What's this for?" Ken asked, puzzled.   
  
"Wear it, Ken-kun!" Omi was setting up his laptop and threw only a cursory glance in Ken's direction. That was why he didn't see Ken's look of incredulity the way I did. I nearly pricked myself on my katana with the urge to laugh.  
  
Ken threw it down on the ground, offended. "No way no how am I going to wear a ski mask. Do you guys realize how hot that thing is? Give me one good reason."   
  
I could tell Ken would be stubborn about it. His chin jutted out at the angle he reserved for decisions where he wouldn't budge.  
  
At this point, Youji and Omi looked at each other and burst into laughter.  
  
"What's so funny?" Ken looked at the two with annoyance as the two exploded into fresh peals of laughter at his quizzical expression. "What?"  
  
"My dear Ken," Youji stopped laughing enough to point upwards, "I suggest you take a look around you before you dismiss the idea."  
  
"What the…" Ken looked up at the same time I did. I knew what Youji was referring to and sure enough, there it was-- a big billboard with Ken's face on it endorsing a certain brand of shoes.  
  
"Ah hell!" Ken swiped the mask from the ground.  
  
Youji and Omi laughed harder. Even I allowed myself to break into a small smile. The disgust and resignation in Ken's voice was just too irresistible.  
  
Shaking myself out of my preoccupation, I scan his face for the reason he fell but there wasn't anything unusual, except for the blush coloring his cheeks.  
  
"Anou…Ran, I can stand up now."  
  
I realize I have been holding him too long. A blush stains my own cheeks and I quickly put him down on his feet.  
  
"Are you alright, Ken?" Youji rushes up to the younger man and puts his hand on Ken's forehead.   
  
"Ken-kun! Daijobu ka?" Even Omi is worried. I walk nonchalantly up to Ken as he laughs.  
  
"Daijobu, Omi. It was a minor spell of dizziness, nothing more." He tries to reassure Omi as he swats Youji's hand away. "Stop that, Youji! I told you I was fi.."  
  
It happens swiftly but I am ready for it. One moment, Ken is laughing and the next his eyes roll into the back of his head and he faints…  
  
"Ken-kun!"  
  
"Ken!"  
  
"Get the car, Youji." I tell the fretting Youji in clipped tones. "Omi, locate the nearest hospital."  
  
"Hai!"  
  
Both of them go off to do what is needed and I am left alone with Ken. I put him in a more comfortable position.   
  
What have you been doing to yourself, Ken?  
  
I am worried now as I take in the paleness of his face, so different from the golden brown tone he once sported. I lightly brush his bangs out of his forehead, something I could never do when he was awake. He doesn't know - never knew -- this but it is something I've always wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I never thought that there would come a day when I would eventually be able to. Now here it is. I finally have enough courage to do it and he is lying deathly still in my arms.  
  
I can't take the silence anymore.   
  
"Ken! Open your eyes!"  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Gotterdamerung Part 2  
(Twilight of the Gods)  
  
[Ken]  
  
I open my eyes to a ceiling that doesn't seem familiar. The last thing I remember is the alley… Where am I?   
  
"Oh, Ken-kun, you're awake." I turn my head to see Omi beside me.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"You're in the hospital. Remember the alley, you fainted again."  
  
"The hospital? I don't want to be in the hospital!" I tell him violently, sitting up. I can't be in the hospital.   
  
"Ken-kun, what are you doing? We have to wait for the doctor." Omi tries frantically to push me down on the bed but I'm still stronger than he is and I succeed in throwing back the covers. I am about to slide down to the floor when Youji comes in.  
  
"Oi! Omi, the doctor and Ran will be here shortly." Youji says cheerfully and then he sees me trying to get out of bed. "What the hell are you doing Ken?"  
  
Damn. Caught.  
  
He rushes to my side and tries to push me back down on the bed. "Lie back down, Ken!"  
  
"I don't want to lie down. I want to get out of this hospital!" I tell him irritably, struggling away from him.  
  
"You have to rest up." He insists. Sometimes, Youji can be terribly persistent. A trait I wasn't appreciating at the moment.  
  
"Fine." I tell him, "I can rest up at my flat. Not here."   
  
I push him aside with all my strength. He staggers back in surprise.  
  
Success. I slide down the edge of the bed and am in the process of shoving my feet into the slippers when the door opens.  
  
My hopes of escape wither in the winds as Ran pins me with a glare. I'm sure it was meant to be a what-are-you-doing-get back-to-bed kind of glare but instead it looked like a shi-ne!-get-back-in-that-bed-or-die glare. The kind no one in Weiss questioned. Ever.  
  
And since I have a consuming desire to go on living, I scramble back up on the bed and settle down. I do, however, express my irritation by the rebellious thrust of my jaw and crossed arms. Never let it be said that I was *totally* frightened of Ran Fujimiya, Chief Shinigami of Weiss.  
  
"Ah, Hidaka-san. Komban wa. It is so good that you are finally awake! I'll just run a general check-up and you'll be free in no time, ne?"  
  
The doctor with Ran never noticed the entire exchange. She is so cheerful I almost give in to the urge to smile back at her. Then she pokes and prods and examines me, and I take it back. The doctor is a baka.  
  
After examining the charts at the foot of my bed, she turns to Ran.  
  
"Well, Fujimiya-san. Hidaka-san is well enough, he's just a little anemic that's all. Probably been working too hard. I recommend a few days rest and he'll be fine in no time."  
  
The relief that fills me is overwhelming. It seems that Doctor Kanzaki was right. It wasn't directly traceable. I hadn't wanted to believe it but here was the proof. I was home free.  
  
See! I want to shout at Ran. I could have told you guys I was OK. But I am still in the right frame of mind to realize that that would be most imprudent of me. Somewhere on his person, Ran still carries his katana and I don't want to end up as sushi. So instead I turn to the doctor.  
  
"I can go home now, right, Doc?"  
  
"Of course, Hidaka-san. Though take it easy, alright?"  
  
"Of course." I beam at the doctor and start to get down from the hospital bed.  
  
"Uh, Hidaka-san?" I look back to see the doctor blushing and holding out a pen and a piece of paper.  
  
"Yes, Doc?"  
  
"I was just wondering if I could get your autograph? My daughter is a big fan of the J-league and a particular fan of yours…"  
  
I grab the pen and paper, smile at the doctor and sign my name on the piece of paper, blushing a little. I didn't know that they knew me in hospitals.  
  
[Youji]  
  
I watch Ken blush as the doctor asks for his autograph, smiling.   
  
One year ago, Ken re-entered the J-league, after his name was cleared. What followed was a phenomenal rise to fame as he proved that Ken Hidaka was not only a good goal-keeper but an exceptional player as well. Constant missions with Weiss had made him nimbler and stronger.  
  
One year ago, I saw Ken blushing on TV as they lauded his talent. He hadn't changed a bit. Ken was still the shy, unassuming and infinitely adorable Ken he had been in Weiss. But now this Ken was followed by hordes of screaming teenagers whenever they recognized him. That's why Ken tried to dress down, back to what he was used to wearing when he was in Weiss, whenever he needed to go out incognito.  
  
I wonder sometimes if it had been a good move on my part to strong arm Persia into clearing Ken's name. Now that Ken was famous, he was harder to integrate into Weiss. Anonymity is one of our best assets in the assassin business. But then I'd think about how much good it did him and I guess I never regretted what I did.  
  
Back to the present, Youji! I chide myself.  
  
Ken is now in the process of collecting his things and chatting happily with Omi. I look around for Ran and see him leaning against the wall, an unreadable expression on his face as he looks at Ken.  
  
Kuso! Sometimes I want to kick Ran.   
  
Sometimes?  
  
Alright, so I want to kick Ran most of the time, I amended to myself.   
  
[Ran]  
  
"Ohayo, Ran-kun!"  
  
"Ohayo, niisan!"  
  
Both Omi and Aya-chan greet me brightly as I enter the flower shop. I am in no mood to match their smiles and so I greet them with my old curt reply.  
  
"Hn." Gomen, Aya-chan.  
  
The morning sucked, at least it did to me. After Omi and I took Ken home to his flat, I stayed up all night to go through the documents we obtained the night before. The ones that were supposed to contain the antidote for this mysterious virus running around Tokyo. The documents were full of a lot of bull and nothing else. I should have known better. The set-up had been too easy to infiltrate. I called Manx up and made my report.  
  
This morning, I opened the news to see if there were any developments.  
  
10 MORE CHILDREN COME DOWN WITH MYSTERIOUS VIRUS. NO CURE FOUND. 2 DEAD.  
  
I had crumpled the newspaper in helplessness, mentally tallying up everything that had happened. Ken fainted, the documents were duds, more children were succumbing and 2 were dead. Wonderful. No wonder the morning sucked.  
  
Omi and Aya are used to my moods by now and know when to leave me alone. I retire to a corner and arrange a bouquet of roses, sticking in some more baby's breath before tying it up with a huge silvery white bow.  
  
What now? I ask myself. We have to do something. Damn the crime ring who did this. Targeting children. Anger almost slips out of the carefully controlled mask I wear but I am able to hold it in. I knew Ken must be worried sick about those children. And I didn't want Ken to worry, not now when he needed to rest.   
  
You don't want Ken to worry. Period.  
  
I thought I'd retired you.  
  
Ran's eyes narrowed a bit. The voice was a remnant of the painful year I had spent after Weiss had broken up. Apparently, with Weiss and Ken back in my life, it also decided to show up.   
  
I've been here all the time.  
  
I am going to ignore that inner voice if it takes all day.   
  
That'll be a feat!  
  
You don't exist. Shut up!  
  
"Oi, Ran-kun!" I look up to find Omi waving at me from the door. I raise an eyebrow in query. And Omi grins back at me. "I'm going to check on Ken-kun, don't you remember?"  
  
Right! I forgot that Omi told me that yesterday. I nod my head and in a flash, Omi leaves, waving to Aya. "See you later, Aya-chan!"  
  
I see Aya wave back to Omi with a bright "Later, Shinigami-shi!"   
  
I roll my eyes in frustration. After Aya woke up, I told her all about what happened. And sweet Aya had understood, understood and treated it as a normal occurrence. She playfully tagged us as "gods of death 1, 2, 3 and 4" and no matter how I glare at her now she won't stop doing that. So now I just grit my teeth and accept the fact that I am Shinigami-ichi. *Imoutos!*  
  
I watch as Omi runs across the street. For a minute I want to call him back and tell him that I am coming with him. I want to check up on Ken too, to see if he's alright.   
  
Liar. You just want to see Ken again.  
  
You're retired. I'm not listening to you.  
  
Well, it's true. You just want to see Ken. Like you wanted to see him 2 years ago when he left Weiss. When he left you.  
  
I search about for something to do, anything at all, just to drown out my inner voice. It was pulling me back to the darkness of the past, a past I wasn't ready to face yet. Nor did I want to face it, ever. I wanted it to stay back in the past where it belonged.   
  
I turn to my imouto. She would give me something to do.   
  
"Aya-chan, do you need some help?"  
  
[Ken]  
  
I lived my life in light and laughter, loving the mornings and the sun, shying away from the dark. I feared it, the darkness. Afraid that if even a wisp brushed past me, it would pull me in and I would drown in it.   
  
You were of the darkness, living in the void. It was almost like the night loved you, its sable shadows lovingly caressing your face, the dark enfolding you in its gentle embrace, claiming you for its own. And I wondered just how the darkness could hold such beauty.   
  
You seemed so cold and filled with the need for revenge. I should have been afraid of you. And I was, for a time. But all that changed when I was swallowed up by the darkness. You had been there to guide me, not by actively helping me but by being who you are. I learned then that the darkness held beauty too.   
  
You became my lifeline, the dark light that kept my darkness at bay, the shield that protected me from the voices inside my head, the only thing that kept me from succumbing to the insanity that threatened to engulf what and who I am. You taught me to embrace the darkness and make it my own.  
  
Why? Why did you betray me?  
  
You hurt me more than the darkness ever did or could. The darkness I could overcome but this feeling of emptiness was more than I could bear. It covered the sun and the light until all I could see was the darkness.  
  
I cannot control the tears that cascade down my face, wetting my cheeks in salty runnels. I quiver in fear, huddled in a pathetic ball in the corner of my room. My empty room. My empty life. I am so afraid because I feel the darkness creeping up on me, trying to claw at my soul, eat up my spirit, until there is nothing left but a shell.   
  
The voices in my head grow louder, as if they know what you have done, as if they know you aren't here to protect me. They are screaming in my head now, clamoring to be heard.   
  
I can't keep them back! Help me! Pull me out of the darkness!   
  
No one loves you, Ken. You are all alone.  
  
Alone…I don't want to be alone. Help me, Aya!  
  
But I remember, I can't ask you…you betrayed me, betrayed my trust. I cannot go back. There is nothing to go back to. I have to deal with the darkness alone.  
  
Alone…alone…  
  
WHY? WHY did you betray me? Tell me, AYA!  
  
Alone, empty, cold…  
  
"Yameruuuu!"  
  
I scream, sitting up in bed, breathing hard. It was that nightmare again. A sob rose in my chest. I thought that I exorcised it months ago.  
  
"Ken-kun, daijobu ka?" Omi's voice slowly penetrates my sleep-fogged mind. He heard me cry out, and is knocking frantically at the door.   
  
"Aa. Daijobu." My voice still holds a bit of a quiver as the memory lingers in my mind.  
  
Now is not the time to think about that, Ken! I tell myself, swinging my legs off the side of the bed to open the door for Omi. I have other concerns.  
  
[Omi]  
  
I was preparing Ken-kun's breakfast in his kitchen when I heard him scream. Like any friend, I rushed to his aid. But unlike the normal friend, I pull out some darts and my crossbow from my backpack, ready to kill anything that threatened my teammate and friend.  
  
At first, I place my head on his door, listening for any kind of commotion. When I only heard a sob, I lowered my weapon and concern began to take over.  
  
I knock on his door. "Ken-kun, daijobu ka?"  
  
"Aa, daijobu." Ken's tired voice drifts out. Was it just me or did his voice quiver?   
  
As Ken opens the door, I smile my brightest smile and try to joke. "Wai! Ken-kun you look like hell!"  
  
That earned me the smile that I wanted, a wan smile but a smile nonetheless. Maybe I should've dragged the kids along. They could probably make Ken-kun smile. But the kids were in school.  
  
"Want some breakfast? I cooked some eggs." I point towards the kitchen, tugging him along. We are just going to sit down when we hear someone shouting and banging on the door.  
  
"Oi! Will someone open the damn door?"  
  
"That's gotta be Youji." Ken said, rolling his eyes. "Only he'd be this grouchy so early in the morning."   
  
He smiles at me.  
  
Before Ken-kun can stand up, I am out of my chair and moving towards the hallway. Maybe Youji-kun can make Ken-kun laugh. "I'll get it, Ken-kun. You go eat your breakfast."  
  
  
[Youji]  
  
Ken looks like hell and I tell him so. "You look like hell."  
  
He just smiles at me and rolls his eyes. "Good morning to you too, Youji."  
  
"Here, Youji-kun. You can sit here. Want some eggs?"  
  
Bleh! Who can eat at this indecent hour of the morning. I shake my head at Omi. "Coffee if you have it."  
  
I languidly settle back on the chair Omi indicates and light my ever-present cigarette. Wonder if he will still…ahhh, well, let's find out. I take a drag from the cigarette.  
  
1…2…3…  
  
"Youji, I told you before. You shouldn't smoke those things. Its bad for you."   
  
Right on the money. I look up to see Ken chiding me with his eyes, and the concern in them almost undoes me. I want to lean over and brush my lips against his in delight, tell him how much I miss him doing that. That would surprise him and Omi, shock them more like. Imagine the great playboy kiss another boy! It wouldn't have stopped me though. I am known for my audacity after all. What stopped me was the fact that Ken is obviously still hung up on Ran and whatever else Kudou Youji might be, I am not a poacher.   
  
I need to distract myself from such thoughts so I decide to needle Ken. One of my favorite pastimes, by the way, since Ken is so adorably quick to rile. I lounge on my seat with a quirky smile, taking another long puff on my cigarette.  
  
"Aa, Kenken. You never change, ne? Still the mother hen."   
  
That got his goat. I settled down on the seat and waited for the fireworks. I knew the taunt hit home when I saw him bristle. "For your information, Youji, I am not a mother hen. And don't call me Kenken."  
  
"Well, you sure do a mighty fine act of imitating a mother hen…Kenken." I smirk at him. It's better this way, better for him not to know how I really feel.  
  
Before Ken can respond, Omi is at my side. "Stop teasing Ken-kun, Youji-kun. He's right, you know, those cigarettes are going to be the death of you. By the way, here's your coffee."   
  
He places a cup of steaming coffee before me. "That reminds me Youji-kun, don't you have work today?"  
  
"Aa, I have a case right now but the lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until late afternoon. I'm free until then." After Weiss disbanded, I went back to being a private investigator. It was hard at first, the memories of Asuka were still there after all, but hey, I still have to work to live. Things aren't so bad.  
  
Ken grins at that. "Sounds like you're two of a kind then."   
  
"Baka." I tell him with a smile. It was true after all, Kudou Youji does not wake up earlier than ten o'clock. It takes a very special reason for me to wake up so goddamn early in the morning.   
  
"You hurt me, Ken. Why, I'm not that lazy. Aren't I here now? And its only nine thirty."   
  
Alright, so seeing if Ken is alright counts as a very special reason.  
  
"I'm touched Youji, I really am." Says Ken, rolling his eyes. "So who's the chick you're meeting after you pay me this token visit?"  
  
I haven't even been on a date since I took up this job, I snorted to myself. I tried to but everytime I went out I kept wanting to see chocolate brown locks and brown eyes. That didn't get me very far. But Ken didn't have to know that so I smirk and fib.   
  
"Chick? What chick? You mean chicks, because there are a lot of girls lining the block waiting for me to date them." I got a small chuckle from Ken.  
  
"Spare us the details, Youji-kun."  
  
"Spoilsport." I grin at Omi. I need some breathing room and my cigarette was starting to dirty up the table. "Hey, got an ashtray around here?"   
  
"There's one in the living room." Ken says as he gets to his feet.  
  
"Hey, I'll go. You stay here and eat the breakfast Omi cooked for you." I stroll towards Ken's living room just as the phone rings.   
  
"I'll get it. Probably just one of Ken's teenybopper fans." I tell them, and sigh to myself. Why was Ken so lovable? I pick up the phone.  
  
"Hidaka residence. H'lo?"  
  
Silence greets me but I know someone's there because I hear humming in the background. I am about to badmouth the asshole when a quiet voice asks…  
  
"Youji?"   
  
Ran. "Yo, Ran."  
  
"What are you doing there, Kudou?" I'm taken aback. Is it just me or is there actually some suspicion in Ran's voice? Oh well! Who cares?   
  
I answer him cheerfully. "I would think the answer's obvious, Ran. I'm checking up on Ken."  
  
"Don't you have a job?" Alright, definitely hostile now. My, my, Ran. So you still do have feelings for Ken.  
  
"The lazy prick I'm tailing doesn't get up until two. I'm good until then." I repeat the words I told Ken and Omi.  
  
"Then you and the others can haul ass. Manx is here."  
  
"Will do. Be there in minutes." I hang up the phone. Sometimes Ran acts like he has a stick shoved up his…well, that's life. I walk back to the kitchen. Ken and Omi are exchanging jokes while Ken finishes up his breakfast. Both of them look up as I enter the room.  
  
"Who was it, Youji?" Ken asks.  
  
"Our great and powerful leader, Chief Shinigami of Weiss, Shinigami-ichi." I borrow the title Aya-chan gave Ran, smirking, knowing that Ran doesn't like it. The prude.   
  
Ken's eyes light up for a second but I see it and it hurts me just a little bit. His eyes never light up when my name is mentioned.  
  
"What did he want?"  
  
The hurt made my tone clipped as I reply. "In his exact words? Haul ass to Koneko. Manx is there."  



	3. Default Chapter Title

****

Gotterdamerung

(Twilight of the Gods)

Part 3

[Ran]

Jealousy does not sit well with me. Outside, I maintain a mask of calmness for Manx to see but inside I seethe. 

Youji never got up early, ever, not until he had a good reason. A very good reason.

And I know that he had a thing for Ken right before Ken and I…well, he had a thing for Ken.

__

What are you so uptight about? At least Youji is concerned enough to visit him.

Shut up. Damn inner voice!

"Hey there, pretty lady." That would be no other than Youji, he always flirted with Manx. I turn to look at the others who had come in, especially Ken. He seems to be alright if a little pale.

"Oi, Ran! I told you we'd be here in minutes."

"Hn." I'm not in the mood to talk to Youji right now.

"Oh, be quiet Balinese." Manx tells Youji. She turns to Ken. "How are you, Siberian?"

"Fit as a fiddle." I hear Ken's cheerful reply. I want to object to that. Ken always said he was alright. Even when he was sick. Fuck. I have a feeling he'd tell us he was alright even if he was suffering from a dreaded disease.

"That's good. Now, let's all sit down and watch your next mission, ne?"

That's my signal. I pop in the tape Manx handed me and as usual Persia's image appears on the screen.

"White Hunters, we have gained precious information on the crime ring that is spreading the virus in the metropolis. The virus is called Project: Trojan Horse, a virus that can only be contracted through the blood stream. The crime ring is operating through a legitimate medical organization that manufactures medicine - Zeiger Laboratories." 

"As of the moment, we do not know the motives of the organization. Only that they are zealously spreading the virus among the population. First it was among the children but now it is getting worse. Reports have been coming in that there are a few adults already infected with Trojan. If this virus is not stopped, Tokyo will have an epidemic on its hands."

"White Hunters, your mission is this: Infiltrate Zeiger Laboratories and steal the virus. Kill off the scientists on the project and erase any trace of it on their databanks. "

The screen changes into a picture of a bewhiskered man.

"Oh. White Hunters -- if you can, trace the whereabouts of Dr. Kanzaki. Kanzaki is the head scientist/doctor in charge of Project: Trojan. It was rumored that he was murdered when he refused to proceed any further with the project but this is just a rumor. He might still be alive and if he is, he might be the person who can find the cure for the virus. White Hunters, hunt down the dark beasts of tomorrow."

"That's the mission, White Hunters. Do you have any questions?"

"Damn, infiltrate a medical facility? That's got to be one hard task."

"Stop whining, Kudou." I snap. But he is right, it's going to be very hard to infiltrate a medical facility.

"Hey, I'll get on the net right away and see what I can learn about Zeiger as well as this Dr. Kanzaki, I hope the man isn't dead yet." Omi can always be counted on to ferret information on the net.

"No need, Omi. I know where Kanzaki is." Ken's voice sounded preoccupied.

"Nani? Are you sure, Ken-kun?"

I cut through Omi's astonishment. "How, Ken?"

"He's been my doctor now for two months or so."

Ken has a doctor? Ken, who has an aversion for hospitals and never goes for check-ups, has a *doctor*? I can feel my brows come together in astonishment and worry. When I look up I see the same look mirrored on both Omi and Youji's faces. I was about to ask how it was possible when Youji beat me to it…

"You have a doctor? I thought you hated any medical attention, Kenken?"

Ken flushes under the question and I can see that he wants to evade the topic. "Well, I decided that I needed a doctor after all. Is anything wrong with that? And don't call me Kenken, Kudou!"

My eyebrows come together in surprise for the second time this day. Ken is being unusually defensive.

"Ken-kun, Youji-kun just asked because he was worried about you. As am I. It *is***** strange that you are going to a doctor regularly since you never did that before." Omi soothes Ken. 

Ken will apologize now. I know it. It's simply in his nature to do so. 

"Gomen nasai, Youji." 

__

Right on the money, Ran. You really know Ken, don't you?

Shut up. I smother my inner voice and listen to Ken.

"Its just that I'm really worried about those people. Damn, first it was children now adults. How can they?"

Aa. Typical Ken, worried about the victims. But somewhere inside me something is telling me that those victims aren't the only things that's bothering Ken. _What's bothering you, Ken?_ I want to ask him but even now I know I won't.

__

Of course you won't. You're a coward, Fujimiya. A bloody coward.

I have to agree with my inner voice on that count.

"Alright, White Hunters, what is your plan?" Manx is impatient. After all, she didn't come here to see us bicker.

"I think it would be prudent that I go to Dr. Kanzaki first and extract some information before we go into Zeiger."

Ken wastes no time in telling Manx what he thinks we should do first. And to my surprise, Youji responds just behind him.

"I'll go with Ken. He's still a little weak."

I can hear Ken's protests but I don't really focus on it. I am seeing red.

"No need, Kudou. Ken can take care of himself." I tell Youji. Damn if I'm going to let Youji get closer to Ken.

__

Is that the way it goes then? You promised yourself you wouldn't let him get close to you again so you won't pursue him. But you won't let others pursue him either?

Shut up, shut up! Anyone but Youji. He's a playboy. He'll just break Ken's heart.

__

Ken's heart or yours if they ever got together?

I don't want to dwell on that. I close my ears instead. I raise challenging eyes to meet Youji's, expecting them to surrender, just as he did long ago. For an instant it seems like he will, as green eyes start to lower. But then in a flash, they raise again, angry defiance in his eyes.

"Well, Chief Shinigami, I am going with Ken just to make sure. And if you don't like that, you can just shove it up your fucking ass."

[Youji]

"I think it would be prudent that I go to Dr. Kanzaki first and extract some information before we go into Zeiger."

"I'll go with Ken. He's still a little weak."

So sue me. I can't help it, he still looks a little pale. OK, Kenken, time to protest.

I smile as Ken does protest. Nothing like living with a person for a good long while to know how they'd react. 

"No need, Kudou. Ken can take care of himself."

Of course *Ran* would react. I raise my eyes to meet his and see the challenge in the purple eyes. Out of habit, my eyes start to lower in surrender, like they did in the past. After all, I knew Ken loved Ran and vice-versa so I always gave way to Ran…

Shit! Why do I do this? I gave way to Ran before and look what turned out with Ken…Ken left Weiss hurt and broken. Not that I know the details, everything that transpired would remain between Ken and Ran. 

He doesn't deserve Ken, not one bit, not if he can't even let himself show Ken how he cares for him. 

Oh, I know you care, Ran, even if you always hide it. I have eyes too and I can see how you look at him when he's not looking. And how you're trying to suppress your emotions. 

I also know how much you want to strangle me right now. Well, fuck you. You don't have the right to bar me anymore, not after what you did two years ago. I have as much right to be worried about Ken as you do. I'm not going to back down, not now.

"Well, Chief Shinigami, I am going with Ken just to make sure. And if you don't like that, you can just shove it up your fucking ass."

Let's see you swallow that, Chief Shinigami.

[Omi]

I can't believe it…Ran-kun and Youji-kun are having a glare-off over who was going to go with Ken-kun to the doctor? I've never ever heard of anything so petty…I roll my eyes. And they call me a child!

I look at one then another, gauging what to do. I don't think either of them will back down. What about Ken-kun? I turn in his direction and see a confused expression on his pale face. 

This really isn't the time for them to do this, this…whatever it is they're doing…we have a mission on our hands.

An idea comes into my head and I try to ease into it tentatively.

"Anou…why don't we all go with Ken-kun, then?" Purple and green glares fasten on me at my words and I shift my weight, uncomfortable beneath their heavy regard. "I mean, if Ken-kun's doctor is the Dr. Kanzaki we are looking for, it would be a good idea for everyone to go wouldn't it? That way the information is passed on to everyone."

"A very good suggestion, Bombay!" Manx-san seconds my thought, materializing from out of the shadows she had faded into when Youji-kun and Ran-kun had started glaring at each other. Now she speaks…I never took Manx-san for a coward. I have half a mind to glare at her myself for leaving me to deal with this but I stop it. I might be the youngest but that doesn't mean I'm the most childish even if I, more than anyone else, have the right to it.

"I think all of the White Hunters should go with Siberian. Persia would say the same."

I nod vigorously, anxious to convince the others.

Ken-kun scratches his head. He looks confused. "If you think so, Manx. But I can't understand why I can't go alone."

Wai! I want to kick Ken-kun for that comment. Can't he feel the tension between Ran-kun and Youji-kun? Sometimes Ken-kun can be so naïve.

"Because, Siberian," Manx pinned Ken-kun with a sharp pointed look. "It would be more efficient to have everyone there. That way everyone can hear what the doctor is saying firsthand."

If there is a God out there, He should take pity on me and not let Ken-kun speak. I cross my fingers.

"Aa."

There is a God! I exchange a relieved look with Manx.

"Well, why don't we go then?" I exclaim brightly, too brightly, but I don't care, all I want to do is to get out of here. I pull Ken-kun to his feet and up the stairs, glancing down to see if the others followed. Ran-kun and Youji-kun were following behind us still glaring at each other.

Hoo boy! This is going to be a long day.


	4. Default Chapter Title

****

Gotterdamerung

(Twilight of the Gods)

Part 4

[Ken]

A small pounding in my head distracts me from concentrating on anything anyone is saying as I try to deal with it. Nothing I can't handle, really, just something that makes me spacier than normal. Its been coming in regular intervals now, just like Dr. Kanzaki warned me two months ago.

The headache is preventing me from examining why Ran and Youji were glaring at each other in the shop a few minutes back. Hell, probably about Youji's ladies again. Or something equally ridiculous. They certainly can't be arguing about who was going with me to the doctor…can they?

I give Youji the directions to the good doctor's clinic and recline back on the car's seat. Youji's driving today and Omi loved the front seat so that left Ran and I to sit in the back. At first this makes me uncomfortable, the nightmare brought back so many bad memories and sitting beside Ran isn't helping me so I endeavor to remain as far from him as possible without appearing rude.

But as if of their own volition, my eyes slide a sideways glance to Ran. Always, always, my eyes search him out. I cannot help it at all. Like sunflowers turning their faces to the golden sun, my eyes search out his beautiful face, captivated.

He's staring out the window, glaring at everything that the car passed with a feral intensity.

He's been glaring like that non-stop since we left Koneko. He worries me sometimes. What's wrong with him I wonder?

__

You don't have the right to ask, Kenken.

I didn't say I'd ask.

__

Aa. But you thought about it, Kenken.

Don't call me Kenken. You sound like Youji.

I can feel my face frowning. Damn, now even my inner voice calls me Kenken. Its all Youji's fault. The baka.

The object of my ire turns his head sideways from his seat up front to look at me. "We're here."

We get out of the car and I walk towards the little red brick house that serves as a clinic for the doctor. I open the door but Youji stops me by laying a hand on my shoulder.

"Matte! This doesn't say Dr. Kanzaki, Kenken." He was pointing at the plaque hanging beside the door which read Dr. V. H. Geist, M.D.

"Well, duh, Youji! When your life is in danger, are you going to advertise your original name for all to see?" 

A grin spreads on my face at the disgruntled look on Youji's face. 

"Wai, you disappoint me, Youji-kun. I can't believe you said that." 

Omi shakes his head at Youji and my grin turns into a full smile at Youji's blush. I'm enjoying this moment. After all, it isn't everyday that I get back at Youji for all the Kenkens he calls me.

"Hn. Let's get going."

We all walk forward instantly, used to following Ran's command. The death glare he sports is nothing to discount either.

"Hello there, Rika." I greet the sweet receptionist on her desk. "I'm here to see the doctor."

"Why, hello, Ken-san. Go on in, he's not seeing anyone right now."

"Hai. Domo!" 

I turn to the guys.

"Oi, guys, wait here for a moment. The doctor is sort of nervous about meeting strangers, let alone 3. I'll just ease into it and call you, alright?"

Actually, the doctor already knew about Weiss but I still had to talk to him about other important things…like telling him that I didn't tell the guys about my condition and if he could please not tell them anything about that either. 

I know that the doctor was going to have a fit over this. I sigh. Ah well, better to face the music now. I reach for the knob.

"Uh, Ken-kun?"

I turn to face my best friend with a smile. "Yes, Omi?"

[Omi]

As Ken-kun turned to go into the doctor's office, I just couldn't help myself. I call him.

"Uh, Ken-kun?"

"Yes, Omi?"

Ken-kun's smile as he turns to look at me is heartening and I hope that he'll agree to what I want. 

"I don't suppose I can go with you?" I school my features into a pleading look. I don't want to be left with Youji and Ran, not after the scene in Koneko. And especially not when the only space left on the couch is the middle. No siree, I don't want to be in the middle of another glaring match.

The hopes die as I see Ken-kun shake his head. "Sorry, Omi. But that isn't possible. I have to talk to him alone first."

"But don't worry, I'm going to do this as fast as I can, ne?" After which, Ken-kun went inside.

"Omi, sit down."

I sigh and do as Ran-kun commanded, sitting between the two older boys who ignored each other and me. The heavy silence in the room settles on everyone. 

Please, Ken-kun, talk fast.

[Ken]

"You VHAT?"

There's the German accent again. I flinch away from the shouting red-faced Dr. Kanzaki. I didn't expect him to shout. He'd been in such a good mood when I had greeted him moments ago… 

I had entered the office and told him that the rest of Weiss were in the reception area and that they wanted to talk to him. That hadn't fazed him at all, in fact, he had smiled at me. That led me to believe that he'd be amenable to my suggestion. 

Shows you just how much you should trust your instincts, Ken. I sigh.

I grin weakly at the doctor and move my hands in a placating gesture. The pounding in my head is intensifying.

"Simmer down, doc. Its not like I asked you to do something really bad."

"You vant me to lie to your teammates so you can go gallivanting off to missions? You do not seem to realize ze extent of your condition, Ken."

I didn't realize how scary the doc's face can be when he's scowling like he is now. I can't really blame him, after all, I did promise. But still, I had, and still have, a good reason not to go through with it and I am willing to defend it.

"Look, doc. If I tell them they'll only worry about me and they'll probably treat me like fragile glass or some such."

"Precizely vhy I vanted you to tell zem. Vat is the point in helping to make a cure for ze virus if you go and get yourself killed. Vithout Astyanax, many of ze children will die. Did you ever stop to think about zat?"

The accusatory tone in the doctor's voice, combined with the headache, proves to be too much. I know what he means and I know it is important for me not to jeopardize myself in missions. But he isn't being entirely fair. The missions are directly linked to the crime ring that is targeting children and that sets my blood to boil. I can't just stand by and let those innocent kids be dragged into this deadly game the crime ring was playing. 

And then there's Omi, Youji and…Ran. How can I just watch as they plunge into missions, putting themselves into danger while I sit back just because I'm Astyanax.

It isn't fair. Astyanax or not, I still have the right to decide what I want to do. 

"Of course I did! But unlike some people I would rather try and help prevent something from happening rather than see my teammates get killed!"

The words slip out before I realize what I said. I stare in horror at Dr. Kanzaki who is now silent, pain flitting in his eyes. I shouldn't have said that. It was unfair of me but the words were said and I can't take it back.

I lower my eyes and whisper. "Gomen nasai, Doctor. I didn't mean it."

A sad look enters the doctor's eyes and he pats me on the head. "It iz vater under ze bridge, Ken-kun. I knew you didn't mean it…" And in a cheerier voice, he told me, "Now, vhy don't you get your friends and I vill tell them all about Project: Trojan Horse, ya? Ve vill keep your condition a secret, at least for ze moment."

"H…hai!" I bow to him and went out to get the others, knowing that I should do something to make it up to the good Doctor. I know him well enough by now to know that underneath the cheerful facade, the doctor was hurt by my words. Damn, sometimes, my runaway mouth gets me into trouble.

[Youji]

After Ken leaves us in the reception room to talk to the doctor alone, I sit down on one end of the sofa. A few minutes later, I'm still here, puffing away at my cigarette while the cute receptionist frowns at me. I just give her a lazy smile and continue smoking.

Omi is fidgeting on the seat beside me. I know he's uncomfortable sitting in the middle especially when he feels like Ran and I will start glaring at each other anytime. 

I smile at that. He should know me better by now. Sure, I'm still a bit irritated at our fearless leader but keeping grudges just isn't my style, especially when I know my glare can never match up to Ran's. Tch! Ran can probably outglare a basilisk.

I still don't know why in hell I did what I did back in Koneko…

Actually, I did. It had been boiling up inside me for sometime now but I never thought I would actually tell Ran to shove it up his ass. If it hadn't been for Kenken's fainting spells and Ran's seemingly cool reaction to it, I probably would've stayed silent. But Ran's cold response to my offer to go with Kenken just angered me. 

Ran was jealous, I just know it. He was jealous and afraid that I'd steal Kenken from under him. Well, guess what, Ran…Ken isn't yours, not anymore, so you can fucking go to hell. 

__

Not that you can steal Ken away, he still loves Ran…

That hurt! That really, really hurt.

I lean forward and grind the cigarette into the ashtray in disgust. 

Damn, this infatuation with Kenken is getting me in trouble. Nothing's going to come out of it. I should really go out on dates again, get on with my life. And with that thought I resolve to flirt with the pretty receptionist.

I stand up to do just that when the door opens and Ken walks out. My eyes immediately lock unto his form as I am sure Ran's eyes do. And as is usual in most situations, Ken zeroes in on Ran.

His face looks a trifle paler than it was before we got here. My eyes narrow and my fists clench. What had the doctor done to him?

I realize how I sound. Exactly like a lovesick guy whose love has been maltreated, or in this case, may have been maltreated. 

Goddamn it, Youji, you have fallen hard. Fallen hard for a boy. Not that it matters, gender is never an issue. Personality, to my way of thinking, has the greater weight. What matters is that I've fallen hard for a boy whose heart belongs to another. 

Damn! Damn! Damn! I force my fists to unclench and my eyes to go back to normal. 

Kudou Youji isn't born to be a lovesick martyr. Note to myself…accept the invitation that voluptuous policewoman had thrown my way yesterday or maybe her partner, the guy had flirted with me too. 

Alright, world. I am back in the dating scene. 

Ken is just a teammate and a friend, nothing more.

"You OK, Ken?"

Yes, that's a good question, friendly and not the least like something from a lovesick fool.

"Huh?" Ken turns to me and turns up the smile, that sunny special smile he rarely throws my way. "I'm perfectly fine, Youji." And then he beckons us all into the doctor's inner office.

It's a good thing he turned his back, because I am sure I have this stupid smile on my face in response to the smile he threw my way and my heart is still racing from it.

__

Friend my ass, Kudou!

Damn! Damn! Damn!


	5. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel

Email: swythangel@hotmail.com

Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)

Type: Series 5/?

Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...

Rating: PG (just to be safe)

Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is

Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi

Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

This chapter has been stewing in my hard drive for two weeks…proly because it was so awkward to write….please don't be too harsh, onegai!

Domo to Siberian-chan for nagging me grins and playfully whacks Siberian-chan with plushie mallet and to everyone who commented…just love you guys!

Oh and if ever anyone doesn't understand Dr. Kanzaki and his yerman accent, tell me ya? And I will give you a completely straight english translation. grin Blame Axn for Schneider's german accent in Ruronin Kenshin for my bright idea.

Twigbrnch, after this, tell me if you still like Dr.Kanzaki, ya? chuckles and runs off

****

Götterdamerüng 

(Twilight of the Gods)

Part 5

[Ken]

I watch as Ran, Omi and Youji enter Doctor Kanzaki's office and sit down in the seats in front of the good doctor's desk after I introduced them. With 5 of us in the room, the doc's clinic looks like a closet.

I shake my head at Omi who is patting the seat next to him, indicating that I should sit there. I prefer to stand here, near the door. This way I can watch for their reactions. After all, I already knew the things Dr. K will be discussing with them. And then some.

So far so good, I whisper to myself as I lean against the wall, relaxing as the doctor started explaining. I close my eyes for a second, trying to will my headache to go away before anyone notices that I'm a little pale.

"Zo….you are here to learn about Project Trojan Horse, ya? I von't beat around ze vush zen. Trojan haz been Zeiger's pet project sinze last year. Zat waz ze time zey pulled me out of ze hospital I vaz vorking in to head ze team vorking on a cure for it…" 

The doctor broke off and looked in puzzlement at the three before him. "Vat? Iz zer a problem?"

The quizzical expression on the doc's face made me quirk an eye in puzzlement, puzzlement that faded when I saw the others' faces. 

Omi looks like he's facing a gigantic math problem that he's determined to solve, Youji has this perplexed irritated look on his face that said "What the fuck…" and Ran, Ran's wearing one of his blank masks that said volumes. It was what I called Ran Fujimiya's damn-if-I -let-it-show-that-I-don't understand-look.

Dr. K will be waiting until it snows on Mt. Sinai if he thinks he's ever going to get a response from the three so I decide to help him out. I shove away from the wall, stumbling a little. Damn, I'm getting a bit dizzy. I frown at my weakness and catch myself before anyone can see my little stumble as I turn to the good doctor to explain.

"Zey…I mean, they, aren't used to people with German accents, doc. That's what accounts for the puzzled looks."

"Ah, I understand. I'm zorry, I have been zo used to Ken and Rika understanding vhat I say zat I zid not realize…I will go slower, ya?"

You gotta love the doc. He's just so accommodating.

"Zo…vhere vaz I?

I sigh. He's also forgetful.

Before I can tell him where he left off, Ran beat me to it.

"You left off vhere Zeiger pulled you out of ze hospital to vork on ze cure, ya?"

My mouth is hanging open and I probably look idiotic. But I can't help it. Did…did Ran just crack a joke? Ran?

I stare at him all stoic and serious, his arms crossed on his chest. The very picture of solemnity. He looked like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

I am thinking that my condition is making me delusional but as I look at Youji and Omi, I know that I'm not. Both are wearing similar looks of astonishment.

At that instant Ran turns his head slightly to look at us with a wry look. And all of a sudden my astonishment fades as laughter bubbles up inside me. Ran cracked a joke…a laugh of delight escape my lips…a small sound that I smother by clamping my hand across my mouth. 

Dr. K hasn't noticed our looks of astonishment and was talking continuously. I didn't want to interrupt so I go back and lean against the wall, laughing silently.

Somehow, the headache has vanished as I float in this euphoric happy bubble that comes from the simple fact that Ran who, as Youji told me often enough, seems to have a stick perpetually shoved up his ass, cracked a joke.

[Ran]

I can't believe I actually did it…I cracked a joke, a very lame joke at that.

Disgust and wonder war inside of me as I feel three pairs of eyes staring at me. I put on my most stoic mask and add my most wry expression to look at them unemotionally for a minute or so, afterwhich I turn back to the doctor, trying to absorb what he was saying. Nothing much is filtering in since I'm having an internal debate with myself.

Damn! Am I *that* staid that they can't believe I can crack a joke?

__

Ran Fujimiya, stone cold bastard with no sense of humor…yeah, that about describes you…

Oh, shut up, who asked you anyway? 

Still…those looks of astonishment. Shit! Now they probably think that I've gone nuts.

__

Well, you knew this was bound to happen if you cracked a joke, why did you do it in the first place?

Because…I search my brain frantically for the answer, finding and shying away from it in the same instance, trying to find a more acceptable one.

Because the doctor's German accent was really very funny and I couldn't help it.

__

Try again Fujimiya that's too lame, even for you. Who are you trying to fool? 

I know from previous experiences that my damn inner voice isn't about to stop until I admit the truth to myself. I wish I can silence my inner voice with a glare but since it isn't really a tangible person...

__

You're learning, Fujimiya…so why did you crack a joke?

Its just now that I realize what a total asshole I can be.

__

Why, Ran, why *did* you crack a joke?!

A VERY one-track asshole.

__

Cut the crap and admit it.

Damn friggin inner voice. 

Its because I noticed how pale and pinched Ken looked when he came out of the doctor's inner office and I wanted to make him laugh. Satisfied?

__

Quite.

Goddamn it! Now leave me be and let me attend to the mission. I block out all internal struggles and glance up. I realize I've missed some of the information already and resolve to ask Omi about it later.

Meanwhile, I steal a look at Ken, just to see if he's alright. I find him leaning against the wall. He seems more relaxed. At least some good came out of me making a fool of myself.

Careful, Ran. He's just your teammate. Don't let yourself slide into the past. Remember the darkness…

Then, as if he knows I am looking at him, Ken locks eyes with me and smiles. I can feel myself smiling back, letting down my guard. Like I did more than two years ago.

No! 

I break eye contact, a solid ice mask slamming down on the smile. I look away quickly but not quickly enough not to catch the hurt in Ken's eyes. 

I feel a twinge of guilt at the thought that I hurt Ken.

No! Damn it Hidaka! Why are you playing games with me? You were the one who left me! You don't have the right to look hurt.

I will not allow myself to feel guilty. And I certainly will not apologize. I promised myself long ago that I wouldn't allow Ken to hurt me anymore. That I wouldn't let myself be lured into that vulnerable state again and the darkness...the consuming darkness…

The mission. Concentrate on the mission instead. I tell myself over and over.

[Omi]

Wai! Ran-kun cracked a joke. A lame joke but still…I chuckle a little.

OI! I almost forgot the doctor. I dismiss Ran-kun's joke from my mind as I turn my attention to the doctor. I need to gather information after all. I missed the first part of what he has been saying but its no big deal, he's just getting into the important details right now. 

Dang, the doctor's accent is hard to decipher! But I must persevere. No way is a german accent going to get the best of me.

"Aa, zo…avter a vew months, my teammates and I had vound a cure for ze virus or so ve thought. Ve named it Cassandra, a very powerful antibody zat seemed to heal ze patient from Trojan easily. However, after a vew days, ve found out zat the effects vere only temporary. If anyzing, it made ze patient's condition vorsen. It vas vack to the drawing board for us. After a few veeks, I, again, found a possible cure for Trojan and I named it Astyanax. Zeiger's Voard of Directors vere pressuring us vor ze cure already by zen and zat got me suspicious…suspicious enough to try and find out vhy zey vanted ze cure at vonce…"

The doctor pauses for a while to catch his breath and plunges on. 

"I found out zen zat zey vere planning to unleash zis virus into Japan and make money zelling ze antidote. I vanted nozing to do wiz it. I told my teammates and ve planned to resign but zey didn't allow us too. Zey imprisoned us in ze laboratories and forced us to vork. I got angry and erased all traces of Astyanax in ze database, vitout it, zey couldn't do anything. But zey knew I still retained the knowledge and…"

A brief flash of pain enters the doctor's eyes as he falters and stops. 

"I'll do it doc." I turn my head to see Ken-kun pull out of the shadows looking at the doctor with sympathy in his eyes. "I'll tell them the rest."

He turns to the three of us with a look that could have frozen the lake on a sunny day. 

"Doctor Kanzaki's teammates were tortured and killed one by one when he refused to give them his research. If not for the courage of his teammates, Dr. Kanzaki would probably have died inside Zeiger. But they formulated a plan to escape and that's why Dr. Kanzaki is here."

I can hear the flat anger in Ken-kun's voice and I know just what is running in his head. It's the same thought running in my head. Injustice and unfairness probably topped the list.

"Fucking bastards." I hear Ken-kun mutter. 

From behind Ken-kun, I see Dr. Kanzaki take a great shuddering breath and place an arm on Ken-kun, chuckling affectionately. "Zere iz no need to get angry at my expenze, Ken. Now let me continue my story, ya? Zo ve can get a plan vorking already…"

"Aaa…zo, az Ken zaid, I escaped from Zeiger and changed my name and face to escape pozzible recapture. And for all zis time I have been zearching for a cure for Trojan."

Sou ka…after all that muck the doctor is still finding a cure for the virus. I can learn to admire this person besides liking him. I had my doubts at first, even when I saw that Ken-kun liked the doctor. Its not that I don't trust Ken-kun's judgement but sometimes he is just so totally naïve about these things. 

"And have you found a cure doctor?" 

Aa. Ran-kun. Always fixated on the mission at hand. That's what makes him a good leader.

"Az I zed, Astyanax iz in the works. Ze virus waz more complicated zan I first thought…"

"How long?" Ran cut off the doctor abruptly, his expression serious. He sounds almost rude but I can't blame him. With so many children coming down with the virus and now a few grown-ups, the imminent danger of an epidemic is forcing us all to hurry.

The doctor glances at Ken-kun and I can see a tightening in Ken-kun's features before he gives the doctor a curt nod. I can't put my finger in it but somehow I have a feeling they're reaching a sort of agreement. I wonder what it is…

"A month, maybe more." The doctor said. 

A month? Iie, a month is too long. I want to scream at the doctor. In a month, the crime ring can infect the whole of Tokyo. I move to tell the doctor that but Youji-kun beat me to it.

"Fuck! A month is out of the question, doc. As of the moment, there are adults also coming down with Trojan. In a month, the whole frigging city might be infected!"

Youji-kun's outburst does not stun the doctor in the least. Instead, the good doctor seems to be muttering to himself. "Ze bastards did not even deign to make a real cure for ze virus…Cassandra vill appear in ze market any moment zen."

I feel that Dr. Kanzaki is sorting it all out in his head, formulating a plan in his mind. We might as well be furniture in the room for all the attention he is giving us. And then all of a sudden, he looks at us.

"Zat iz vat ve have to vatch out for, ven Cassandra appearz, ze situation vill get better for avhile and zen go from bad to vorse…"

Watch out for Cassandra? We can't just go idle and watch for that to appear, it isn't our way to wait and just react, if possible, Weiß prevents. I can't resist telling the doctor this.

"Uh, doctor? We can't just sit here and wait."

"Zut! Zat iz true. And I have a plan." The doctor is smiling at me like I I just told him he won a prize. I am wondering if the doctor is just a bit crazy.

"Zer iz absolutely no vay I can speed up Astyanax. To do so vould be to commit ze same mistake I did vith Cassandra. Zat iz vhy vhile I vork on Astyanax, you, Weiß Kreuz, must try and prevent Zeiger from spreading the virus in Tokyo. You vill have to destroy ze virus in zeir labs. Und if you can find ze crime ring spreading ze virus and eliminate it, zat would be a great boon to us."

The doctor just told us the exact same thing Persia ordered us to do. I hear Ran-kun stir in his seat.

"Ninmu ryoukai."

Mission accepted. 

Well, it looks like my laptop is going to see some action in the next few days. Knowing Ran-kun, we'll probably start preparations for the operation almost immediately after we leave the good doctor's clinic. 

It's going to be a busy week. I sigh as we move to go out. I do hope I can still get to do my homework for school. I mean, Ran-kun and the others might think I'm a frigging genius but that doesn't mean I don't have to study or do my shitty homework…

(Author's note: Hurray! This part really gave me a hard time and I know its a bit boring for words but I have to get it out of the vay , oops, I mean, way, before I go on with the whole story. Just so you know what Zeiger is doing…:

The virus Trojan Horse is obviously from greek mythology as is Cassandra and Astyanax. The trojan horse is the hollow horse the greeks used to fool the Trojans into letting the army into the city in the Trojan War.

Cassandra is the princess of Troy with the gift of foresight from Apollo, Sun God, who loved her. But because she spurned his love, Apollo cursed her in that she can still tell the future but no one will believe her. She told the people the Horse was bad news but they didn't listen. Hence, like in the story, Cassandra is an ineffective substance that could have worked but didn't work. Just like the semi-cure drug in our story. :

Astyanax is the son of Andromache and Hector. Since all the doozy came from Hector and Paris in the first place, Hector's son became the last sacrifice to end the Trojan War, the last male in the city to die by being thrown from the walls. Violent greeks! Like what happened in the Trojan War, in our story, the sacrifice of Astyanax will end the virus…you don't have to be a psychic to understand the implications…if you don't want Astyanax sacrificed, tell me onegai! I'm still wavering on whether Astyanax be sacrificed or not….the story will ultimately decide though so its all up to my muses who are unfortunately taking a vacation riht now -_-)


	6. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel

Email: swythangel@hotmail.com

Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)

Type: Series 6/?

Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...

Rating: PG (just to be safe)

Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is

Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi

Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

Siberian-chan, gomen! I don't think this is particularly angsty…its just that m so busy with christmas thingies wails Ok, time to tune out the brattiness…

No doctor and funny german accent today just good old Ken and Ran and some thoughts…

As always I'd like to thank minna-san for commenting. You guys are all that's keeping me writing this and not sacrificing this to the Christmas craziness…comments craved for and needed, especially now…onegai!

****

Götterdamerüng 

(Twilight of the Gods)

Part 6

[Ken]

I utter a sigh of contentment as I flop down on my bed. Soccer practice has been canceled because of the rain and Dr. K has an appointment with some hospital doctor. For once I don't have anything to do in the morning and I decide to just lounge in my bed, something I never get to do lately.

Its been a week since we talked to the doc. A week of ferreting info on Zeiger Laboratories to make the mission a success. Hell week.

In the mornings I go to soccer practice and then to Dr.K for the tests. Those hurt a lot although I don't ever let Dr. K notice it. After all, the antidote is what's important.

Afternoons are still spent with the kids coaching soccer. The highlight of the day to my way of thinking. At night I go down to Koneko and help Omi on the Net. Zeiger is a bitch to hack into and we need every bit of intellect to help crack it. Ran and Youji assigned themselves to monitoring Zeiger Laboratories which was fine with me. I'd rather not be anywhere near Ran after what he did in the doc's clinic.

A flash of remembered pain goes through me. I just smiled, for god's sake. A smile for the joke he cracked. Did he have to slam that ice wall down on me? The darkness threatened to engulf me again that day and only by sheer force of will was I able to push it back.

__

Why, Ran? Why can't you care for me even a little? I am not asking you to love me…I know you never have and never can. But a simple smile can't cost that much, can it?

A simple smile would have let me forget what you did two years ago. 

A smile? Atone for everything? Goddamn it, how can I still love Ran after all that he's done?

Tears threaten to spill out now at the remembered thought, I can feel them burning my eyes.

Stop it, Ken! Don't wallow in self-pity, you still have something to do. The mission…

That's right, the mission from hell. In a way this mission has been good for me. I almost never sleep now, only catching a nap after around 2 in the morning and then waking up at 5 for practice all over again. No time to think, just move. It helps me forget about the emotions that are resurfacing now that I am near Ran again.

I know I'm punishing my body and if the doc ever finds out, he'd strap me down on a bed and force me to rest. And he doesn't even know about the gazillions of vitamins I am taking. Some days the dizziness and the headaches come so close together I can barely get myself out of bed. The vitamins help me get some energy to at least seem like a normal person. And no, I don't think the doctor should know about the vitamins. He'd just freak out and not let me out of the clinic at all. And what help would I be to the sick children then?

As it is, Youji has been henpecking me in lieu of the doctor.

Youji scares me. He was never like this before, now he's even worse than Aya-chan who nags us to get some rest too. At least Aya-chan gives up at around midnight, Youji didn't. After his reconnaissance with Ran, he'd lean by the door, smoking, and just look at Omi and me. At around 1:45, he'd start telling us to pack up. If I didn't, he'd drag me out of Koneko and go with me to my flat just to make sure I went home. 

Hey I can't help it. Every day the victims of Trojan increases. This time, children *AND* adults. Tokyo is on the alert now and we're expecting Cassandra to come out anytime now. If we don't finish this mission soon, the fucking crime ring will win.

My temper, or what's left of it, is so frayed that I feel like I'm about to snap if we don't go after Zeiger soon. So, Youji who-thinks-he's-my-mother Kudou better stop the hen-pecking or else he's going to get the brunt of my temper.

Yes, I know I look paler everyday but Youji isn't my keeper. And its not as if I'm ungrateful. I do appreciate his concern, its an endearing facet in Youji's personality that I never saw before. But still, I hate being coddled.

__

Aa, Kenken. But if it was Ran who fussed over you, it would be a different story, ne, Kenken?

Damn, shut up. I don't need you on top of everything that's happened.

__

But its true, Kenken…

Of course its true. I'm no longer going to lie to myself. No matter how I look at it, I still love him. I love him so much my heart aches and I forget to breathe whenever he enters the room. And its not because of my condition either. 

When he and Youji go out to reconnoiter, I worry until my head threatens to split with pain. 

__

Let's not forget your reaction at the black eye he sported the first time he and Youji went to Zeiger.

There's that too. I wondered how he got that but didn't ask, I knew I'd only get the patented Fujimiya death glare if I did. And it hurt to know that.

Goddamn it! I don't want to love him anymore! He betrayed me…he doesn't love me, never loved me….

Get out of my fucking mind, Ran Fujimiya!

[Ran]

I am looking at the black eye that son of a bitch Youji gave me the first time we spied over Zeiger. The blackness has faded to a purple ring and it doesn't look as bad as it did then. I remember what prompted it. We had just arrived at Koneko after the grueling reconnoiter mission…

__

"What the hell do you think you're doing Kudou?" Suspicion made my voice sharper than it normally was. Youji's hand which was about to turn the doorknob stayed where it was as he turned to me with a wry grin and an arched brow.

"What does it look like, Chief Shinigami? I'm opening the backdoor to let us in."

His tone bordered on challenge and sarcasm, a tone that has frequently appeared since yesterday…since the time he told me to shove my dislike of him accompanying Ken up my ass.

That time I let it pass, it was after all, my mistake. It hadn't been my decision to make whether Ken went alone or not. But this I couldn't let pass. This didn't involve Ken, this involved the mission…more or less. Less actually but who noticed? 

"This isn't your apartment Youji."

Youji's brow arched in mock surprise, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Heavens, so it isn't." 

Then, as if he hadn't heard a word I said, he turned the knob and made a move to go in. I was quick enough to block him.

"Go home, Youji. You'll need rest. Tomorrow we go back into Zeiger."

Youji's eyes turn deadly serious,all amusement gone from his face. "I know that Ran. But I'd like to check up on Omi and Ken first before I go. Now will you please get the fuck out of the way…"

He tried to push me aside but I didn't budge. He might have said Omi and Ken but I knew he really wanted to see Ken. And I wasn't having any of it. Not on my own property. Not on my Ken.

My thoughts must have shown in my eyes because his own flared in response.

"So that's it, eh, Ran? You *don't* want me to get close to Ken." 

It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact. But that didn't stop me from answering back as a blush made its way to my face. How did he know what I had been thinking?

"Iie. You misunderstand me, Kudou." I told him. "You need to rest and the two of them can take care of themselves."

Which was true, Ken and Omi could take care of themselves. But my underlying reason for not wanting Youji inside was as clear to me as the sun in a cloudless blue sky. I didn't want him near Ken. 

Youji's laugh caught me by surprise. It was sharp and mocking. "You are the absolute limit Ran. You can't admit it even to yourself, can you?"

My answer was evasive. Somehow, I had the feeling that Youji could see right through me and that made me uncomfortable and rude. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"The fucking hell you don't, Chief Shinigami!" His tone has become violent and I could see the angry gleam that entered his eyes as he threw down his cigarette. I couldn't help but step back.

"You still love Ken but you don't want to admit it. You know how much I wanted Ken before but I gave way to you. Now that he's free again, you're afraid I'm going to move in. And you don't want that to happen do you, Ran? Of course not. Chief Shinigami doesn't want anybody else to have Kenken."

I didn't know what got into Youji but somehow I couldn't speak as he went on. He was telling me the words my inner voice always told me …the truth.

"I will only say this once, you son of a bitch, so you'd better listen." Youji loomed over me, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "I don't know what happened between you and Ken two years ago but I *do* know that *****you*** **screwed up. That's why *you* need to clear this up. If you can't find the balls to tell Ken you're sorry, then you don't have the fucking right to bar me from anything. So what is it going to be, Ran?"

You're fucking wrong, Youji. I didn't screw up. Ken left me, I didn't do anything at all. So why do I have to be the one to clear this up? 

I wanted to tell Youji that. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't. Not without baring my soul and that would hurt too much, would leave me vulnerable. I did it once before and look what happened.

What's it going to be Ran? My head reeled…I wanted to scream at Youji for dragging me back into the past. The darkness was creeping up on me, I could see it on my peripheral, waiting, waiting for me to buckle. 

In the end, I couldn't answer Youji because I didn't know what to say without bringing back the darkness. I lowered my eyes from his challenging ones instead. 

Bam!

I went sprawling on the dark alleyway, surprised as Youji's punch knocked me off of my feet. I looked up to see Youji with a disappointed look in his eyes.

"You disappoint me, Ran. I expected better from you…I never really thought you'd be a stone cold fucking bastard."

And with that Youji walked into Koneko…

I stayed that way in the alley for quite a while, wrestling with my conscience and my damn inner voice. Youji's words still resounded in my mind even now and it always brings back the hurt and the pain of a time I had thought long buried in the past.

Stone cold fucking bastard…I knew Youji had been angry and meant to hurt me. He probably didn't even realize what he said. But it still hurt. 

It doesn't seem fair to be so judged just because on the outside I *look* like a stone cold bastard. I'm human, for heaven's sake. I hurt and bleed. I cry too. Just like I cried when I realized Ken wouldn't be coming back to me at all. Only I didn't let Youji or Omi see it. That would have been the ultimate humilation.

The worst of it was that I hadn't known what I had done wrong, assuming I did do anything wrong that is. If I knew what I did wrong, I would've been ready to apologize, however hard it would've been for me to unbend. Ken was worth so much more than my pride.

Argh! What am I saying? Fuck Youji! And Ken too! They have no right to make me feel so guilty. Right now I have to focus on the mission…yes, that's right the mission.

I turn one last look at my black eye and go back to the list of things I wrote down yesterday…Tonight would be the night we go into Zeiger. I've already called Omi and left a message on the sleeping bastard's answering machine…that left..damn! Maybe I can ask Omi to call Ken…

__

Aa, turning coward again, Ran?

Dammit! I am not turning coward. I just want to steer clear of a potentially dangerous situation. 

__

Yeah right.

A snort. My inner voice actually snorts. I blink a few times. That's right Fujimiya. Now you know you're going insane. Whoever heard of an inner voice that snorts?

__

Don't change the issue Ran and stop beating around the bush. Now if you really can't call Ken then don't. After all, everyone's entitled to be a coward once in a while.

I am seeing red. I'm not changing the issue you assholic inner voice. And I am not a coward!

My perverseness kicks in. I know that I'm talking to myself and that by trying to circumvent my inner voice I am just, well, tweaking my own nose, but I can't help it. Ken's trademark impulsiveness overtakes me and I pick up the phone and dial Ken's number.


	7. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 7/?   
Teaser: Ken remembers the time Ran and he got together, Youji sees Ken…   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

This is prolly going to be my last installment before Christmas, minna-san! I'm planning to take a break and enjoy the holidays and I hope you guys are enjoying it too…

Thank you to all the people who commented, as usual I love you guys! And if anyone's interested, at last count it was 10 to 2. 10 people against killing Astyanax and 2 for killing. My muse is still undecided so we'll just see, ne? Anyway, I love hearing from you all so keep commenting…^_^v

Merry Christmas everyone! Or Happy Hanukkah or whatever holiday you celebrate!

**Götterdamerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 7**

[Ken]

Ring! Ring!

The phone is ringing…it must have been ringing for a while now, only I've been so engrossed in my thoughts to notice. I stand up and move towards the living room with leaden feet, my slippers dragging in the carpeted hallway…

Ring! Ring!

"Hold your horses! Whatever it is can probably wait." I mutter to myself, irritated as the ringing aggravated my headache.

Beep!

The answering machine kicks in at last and I let it take the message. I'm in no mood to talk to anyone right now.

"Ken Hidaka's residence. I'm not in right now so please leave your message at the sound of the beep."

Beep!

"Ken. Usual meeting place and time. "

When I first hear the voice, I recoil from the machine. Of all the frigging coincidences! It *would* have to be Ran. A part of me wants to ignore the voice and stay where I am but another part wants to pick up the phone and let Ran know I'm here, to talk to him about us, and the issues.

_Then why don't you?_

And have him freeze me again? No, thank you I'd rather not.

_This might be the time to ask him why and know once and for all…_

I waver…for once my inner voice is talking some sense.

But no…I can't. I don't think I can bear to hear it from his own lips. It would tear me up again and this time I may never recover.

_But what if he can explain why he did it…_

If he could, then I would forgive him for the past. For an instance happiness bubbles up inside me at the thought. I could forgive him anything if he gives me a reason to. So easily? I know there are issues that are in the way but forgiveness is the first step and I am willing to take it as long as he takes it with me.

"Tell Dr.Kanzaki of the plans."

Ran's unemotional voice brings me back to the present and reality intrudes. The happiness in me dies down. Fat chance of that happening…

_Demo…it could happen…_

No, it can't. Wake up and stare at reality, Ken!

If its going to happen, Ran has to make the first move. He betrayed me, he should be the one to go first. I still have enough self-respect left not to be the one to crawl back. And of course, I still have my own stubborness.

"If you have any questions, Ken, you know where to reach me."

Questions? Yeah Ran I have lots of questions for you. But I'm afraid to know the answers.

I'm sorely tempted to pick up the phone.

I'm not going to pick up the phone…I'm not going to pick it up…

I can't stay here and hear Ran's voice…I whirl around and go out of my flat, slamming the front door.

"That's all. And Ken…er, don't forget Ken."

Beep!

Is it just me or did I hear a hint of regret in his tone?

[Youji]

"Damn woman, she's late."

I look at my watch while taking a nice long drag at my cigarette. I'm leaning against a building waiting for my date. My late date.

I've been dating for a week now after my resolution to forget Ken. And is it working? Well, if it isn't for the image of a certain soccer player overlaying over all of my dates' faces in the most inconvenient times, I'd say its working.

Shit! I throw down my spent cigarette to the ground and grind it viciously into the pavement. Who am I fooling?

This isn't working out at all. But I'm still going to keep trying. Because as I've been telling myself, Kudou Youji wasn't born to be, and refuses to be, a lovesick martyr.

_Youji, you need to relax._

Yeah, I know that. For the past week I've been a tight-ass wreck. *Not* my style at all but it sort of crept up on me. Right after that scene in Kanzaki's clinic with Ran and Ken. Yes, I know I wasn't suppose to have seen that but I have eyes, dammit! And what I saw made me want to kick Ran…*again*.

Well, that punch in the face wasn't exactly a kick but it was very satisfying. I narrow my eyes in remembrance. A *very* satisfying punch. And not at all undeserved either.

Anger flashes through me again as I remember how he lowered his eyes at my challenge. I didn't expect him to do that at all. It disappointed me and still disappoints me. Because in my mind, no matter how much he had callously treated Ken, I had thought that he didn't do it consciously, that he didn't really know what he had been doing.

And eventhough I know it would hurt me, if Ran had told me that he was willing to patch things up with Ken, I would have helped him.

To get that kind of answer from him made me see red. I never would have believed that Ran Fujimiya, who I respect and admire, yes, I do admire him eventhough he has this permanent stick shoved up his ass, would give up on something so important.

Hence, the punch. And the strained situation between us. Not that Ken or Omi noticed. Thank God! They're too busy cracking Zeiger's network and too tired after to even ask. Another thing that contributes to my "tight-assedness" if there is such a word. Ken looks so tired these past few days that I can't help but fuss over him. I'm constantly worrying that he'll just keel over one of these days.

There's a kind of humorous irony in that. Ken, the mother hen, getting henpecked. A smile makes its way to my face at the thought. Who would've known the great Kudou Youji can be a fucking mother hen?

Not that he appreciates it, of course. The frown on his face most nights when I drag him off to his apartment attests to that. But he doesn't complain because he's too damn tired to.

Ran, the insensitive stone cold bastard, pretends not to notice me mothering Ken…Ok, that's unfair. He isn't an insenstive bastard. I know he worries about Ken because I can see his face tighten everytime he sees how pale Ken looks. But he doesn't comment at my mothering habits. He probably feels guilty…all he does is stare at me leaning on the door waiting for Ken and Omi to finish up before 2 AM. He'd be holding up the other end of the wall, and when we're ready to go, he would drag his ass and lovely black eye up the stairs to his apartment in silence.

That victory over Ran would have been so sweet if not for the fact that I'd always catch Ken's fleeting look of yearning at Chief Shinigami's back. Then, the sweet taste of victory turns bitter in my mouth and my heart breaks again in a thousand pieces.

I'm tired of picking up the pieces every night…and that's why I'm dating again, which brings me back to the present. Now where's my damn date? I scan the area again, looking for the telltale blond hair that my date sports. Hmmnnn…nothing so far.

Then! On a nearby hill I see something that catches my eye. A motorcycle, a very familiar motorcycle…Ken's. Much as I hate myself for it, anticipation and happiness worm their way inside of me. Maybe Ken is nearby…

Bingo! There, sitting under the solitary tree on the small hill, is a familiar brown-topped figure. I push myself away from the wall I'm leaning on.

To hell with my date and my resolution. I want to talk to Ken and nothing's going to stop me.

_I never thought that you'd turn out to be a masochist, Youji._

Oh, just shut the hell up.

[Ken]

Leaves. Red orange leaves drift down from the tree I am sitting under. I love the autumn season. I turn my hand over to catch one of the falling leaves, rubbing it against my hand, marveling at the texture and the riot of colors in the leaf.

Red leaves. An autumn gone by. Ran by my side.

I sigh as the momentary pleasure I feel is replaced by an old deep sadness. All thoughts turn to Ran these days. And right now I am too tired to fight it, hurting too much from the headache and emotions kept bottled up for so long. So I let the dam burst, let the dark waters of the past batter at the bank of my confused soul.

I remember the way the sun glinted on Ran's red hair, how it caressed his pale skin, as Ran sat down on this selfsame tree, his violet eyes' intensity a shade or two milder as he relaxed beside me.

_//An angel sat beside me. The thought ran through my head as I looked sureptitiously at Aya who was lounging back against the tree beside me. A blush stained my cheeks at the thought. I couldn't let him know what I was thinking or it would have shattered the tentative friendship that has formed between us._

_"You should relax more often, Aya." I told him gently, still unsure of his reaction even after all Weiß had been through together._

_"Hn."_

_I laughed at his reaction. Typical of Aya not to react to something that much._

_"I'm serious! You look better relaxed, more approachable."_

_He quirked his eyebrows at me and replied with the driest tone. "Some of us don't want to be approachable, Ken. Why don't you just leave it at that."_

_Me? Leave it at that? I burst out laughing. I couldn't help it. Of the four, I was the person most likely to worry about everyone, Youji calls me a mother hen, not that I appreciate it, but it was an apt description if a little extreme. Sometimes I know they thought I was a pain in the ass for being such a worry wart._

_And he expects me to leave it at that?_

_I was laughing so hard that I bumped my head on the tree trunk. My bandaged head._

_"Ow."_

_I closed my eyes in pain, sliding to the ground. The wound had been inflicted in last night's mission and it was still fresh enough that banging it on the tree trunk hurt a damn lot._

_"Are you alright, Ken?" I opened my eyes to see Aya bending down on me, his tone concerned, his eyes locked on mine. Mesmerizing violet eyes that I could get lost in. They were so hypnotic. I blushed again and I knew I should have turned away but I couldn't._

_Turn away Ken! Before he finds out what you feel for him! The thought ran through my head like a claxon alarm but my brain had stopped functioning, it was too immersed in the vision staring down at me, our faces were so close together I could feel his breath on my face and the warmth he radiated._

_Blame it on the nice autumn weather or blame it on beautiful violet eyes that stared at me with such concern. Whatever it was opened the dam to forbidden thoughts and feelings of longing. In the end, I couldn't help the words that slipped out._

_"I…I love you, Aya."_

_Whatever possessed me to say it, I didn't exactly know but as soon as the words left my mouth, regret set in. I knew that Aya would then turn away from me in loathing and I looked away, not wanting to see revulsion in the purple depths._

_Tears had started to form as the silence lengthened between us. Baka, baka, baka! How could I say that? I lambasted myself with torturous thoughts as I stared with tear-blurred eyes at the grass beside my face. I wanted to get up and run away but Aya was still leaning over me, probably in shock, and I couldn't push him away. Scared at what he might do._

_I had been too immersed in my thoughts to notice the gentle hand that turned my head to face him. But the quiet words that followed jolted me out of my surprise._

_"I, I love you too, Ken."_

_He…he loved me too? My brain was still processing this incredible fact and dealing with the delirous happiness that went with it when his head descended even lower to claim my mouth in a sweet breathless kiss…//_

Aya…tears form in my eyes at the memory. Why couldn't we have stayed the same? Why did you betray me?

I know I sound like a broken record but the question goes over and over in my head. And the pain that goes with it. Physically and emotionally drained, I can't stop the quiet sobs that rise in my chest and I shove my head in my hands hoping to stop it.

"I gather this is about Ran again, ne, Kenken?"

Startlement at the angry voice temporarily stops my sobs as I look up to see Youji leaning against the tree looking down at me.


	8. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 8/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

Wai! Wai! I got another part of Gotterdamerung out…er, emotional turmoil runs rife in this part…if it's a bit too much I'd like to say gomen in advance….This is strictly Youji and Ken this time and I am loving Yotan here even more everyday…

Its a bit long :> just to make up for the long wait. ^_^v

Thank you to everyone who commented yet again a long time ago grin> You guys know how much I love you for it, because as I've been telling everyone, I love comments!   
Ran: dryly>You mean you love being complimented, vain girl!   
Swyth-chan: sweatdrops> That too…anyway, on with the story

**Götterdamerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 8**

[Youji]

"I gather this is about Ran again, ne, Kenken?"

_I thought you weren't going to say anything about Ran._

I lied. I tell my inner voice.

On the way up the hill, I kept telling myself that I was not going to even mention Chief Shinigami's name. The fucking ball is in Ran's court after all and it's his turn to push forward or go on the defensive. I talso kept telling myself that I'm just going to go say a friendly hi to Ken.

Both resolutions turned to dust in the wind as soon as I saw Ken crying.

Ken hastily wipes away the moisture that has gathered in his eyes and smiles at me with the brightest smile he owns. A smile that doesn't quite reach luminous brown eyes that shone with unshed tears.

"Youji! Hey there! I didn't see you."

Of course you didn't Ken. You were too busy crying over Ran.

I know I should smile back and joke around. Make Ken feel better like I always try to do. But I don't. This fiasco had dragged on long enough. All of a sudden I am tired of the emotional roller coaster I have been going through, what Ken has been going through, and of course, Ran, too. The strain and tension is wearing us all down.

It is time to grab the bull by the horns and straighten this mess out.

"Cut the crap, Kenken. You aren't going to change the topic on me."

It must have come out rougher than I had anticipated because Ken's smile is replaced by a scowl.

"I don't see why its any of your business, Youji."

"It *is* my business Kenken for four reasons. One," I ticked off a finger, "because *we* are a team, in case you forgot. And we need to look out for each other. Two," I ticked off another finger, "your emotional state might impair your ability as a member of the team and therefore jeopardise our mission. Three," I point at a third finger, "we're friends aren't we? Now," I smile dryly at him, "aren't those reasons enough?"

"You said four, what's the fourth?"

Because I love you…

"Stop trying to evade the issue, Kenken."

And stop trying to get it out of me, because I don't want to be embarrassed. I thought. I am hoping that Ken does not press the issue so I try to push the topic aside.

"You have to talk about Ran to someone sometime, Ken. And I'm here for you." I will always be here for you.

Ken slumps down on the tree trunk and looks down on the grass, his hair obscuring his face. The past week didn't compliment him at all. He lost a few pounds and there were lines under his eyes. He looks so fragile with his pale pallor and I know he's tired. But I persist. I know I have to do this. It is for his sake that I do this. Because he needs this even if he doesn't want it.

"Come on, Ken, talk to me."

Minutes passed in a slow crawl as I wait for an immobile Ken to answer me. I do not push him to talk right away. We had time. And for this, I forgive my fucking date for standing me up.

Just as I am thinking of giving up, Ken's soft voice reaches my ear.

"I…I don't know where to start."

My eyes soften as they look at Ken, happy that he finally decided to talk to me. And with a voice more gentle than I have ever used before, I try to encourage him.

"Start from the beginning."

[Ken]

From the beginning…I thought tiredly. There had been so much that had happened, so many things that have come to pass that it is hard for me to resurrect old memories that I want to keep buried inside me. Memories that overwhelm, memories that I don't want to see again.

But I see the ring of truth in Youji's words. Even as I try to surpress the memories they also manage to haunt me anyway…and Youji is right, my present emotional state might just jeopardise our mission and get them killed. I don't want my friends to die and I refuse to be pulled from this mission.

It was time for me to tell Youji.

And so I open the floodgates of the past once again, throwing myself back to the time it all started, to the first time the darkness threatened the bastion of my consciousness.

I do not realize that my eyes glaze over as I lose myself in the memories.

"The beginning…I suppose it started with Kase's death." The pain of betrayal lances through me again. And the guilt…the guilt. Yes, I remember. That was the time the darkness crept up on me, threatening to swallow me up in insanity and chaos. I brace myself for the darkness that came with the memory, sure that it would come again now that he wasn't there to hold them back. But it doesn't. The old darkness had been banished. It was a different kind of darkness that threatened me these past two years. I smile inside, bitterly. There is a kind of irony in this. That the man responsible for banishing the old threat would be the one responsible for the other.

"I…I can't explain it but the guilt of killing my friend with my own hands, the pain of knowing he betrayed me, and would have killed me, made me crazy. And then I had to let Yuriko leave as well. It…it was too much, it drove me over the edge."

A wry smile makes its way to my face as I look at Youji for the first time since I started talking. "I know you guys thought I was fine after a few missions. Never knew I was such a good actor, ne, Youji?"

The smile disappears as I remember again. "It was actually very easy to act happy. Happy is easy. When I see you guys happy, I can act happy. But its hard when I'm alone at night. Then the darkness would creep up on me. And I was afraid. I was very afraid."

"It unhinged me, this darkness which made me sob and scream into my pillow. I tried to fight it but I couldn't. Couldn't until one night…one night, Aya came into my room. He had heard me screaming in my pillow eventhough I tried very hard not to let any of you hear because I feared you would think me insane or weak. He never said a word, now that I think about it, only laid his hand on my shoulder. And somehow that made the darkness recede…"

Other memories come back to me although I try to fight it.

Aya…you betrayed me too.

"Every night it would be the same thing. The darkness would try to engulf me and he would be there. I never knew Aya could be that sensitive, Youji. I had always thought that he was darkness personified. He was *always* silent but he was so gentle and kind. And that's when I started falling for him."

I bark a short laugh of self-derision.

"Goddamn, who would have thought, ne? That clumsy, supposedly straight Kenken would fall for someone like Ran. But it happened, although I never told any of you. I hid it. I was so afraid of what you guys might say, so certain that everything would change."

"It did change though because as you and Omi knew Ran and I got together. And everything was good, you know. Because he taught me to accept and understand what it meant to be an assassin and he told me he loved me. He actually loved me."

I can't hide the wonder in delight in my voice at what I just said.

"Everything was a ok after that. Until the time I asked you and Omi if you guys would still like to open the flower shop even if Weiß disbanded…"

I stop at that. Aa, the fateful day my heart broke. Aya's betrayal.

Desolation fills me and the darkness…the darkness and emptiness that came with Aya's betrayal tries to engulf me. I cannot breath, cannot go on…no, I have to. I cannot let Youji think that I am as weak as this. I struggle to overcome it but fail. The pain of having Ran near me again has added strength to the darkness and it is choking my consciousness. I need a lifeline…I need…someone to…help me…

I turn tortured eyes to Youji. "Hold me, please. I…I cannot go through this without someone to hold me, like, like Aya once did."

[Youji]

I can see the riot of emotions that play across Ken's face as he tries to tell me about Ran. He is interchanging the names Aya and Ran all throughout and that tells me he is losing himself in the memories.

I try to look at the situation objectively. And I almost fucking succeed until I hear the wonder and love in his voice as he admits his love for Ran. It hurts me more than I can ever describe, hearing it straight from Ken's mouth, that he loved Ran.

_You know that was going to happen, Youji. You should have prepared yourself._

I did know and I did try. But the pain still comes. And I embrace it because there is nothing else I can do.

I continue to hear Ken out, each word lashing through me like Ran's katana but I endure because I know that I need to help Ken.

"Hold me, please. I…I cannot go through this without someone to hold me, like, like Aya once did."

And I do hold him, gathering him into my arms in silence and holding him. He felt wonderful in my arms, this boy who I have dreamed of holding for so long…

_Goddamn it, Youji! Get ahold of yourself!_

I shake myself, realizing that I am taking advantage of Ken's weakness besides helping him. And so I try not to enjoy it. Not an easy task I assure you. But I try, because I don't want to take advantage of Ken.

Fucking shit! When did I turn out to be a blasted saint?

A hand tightens on my arm and I turn my attention towards Ken. There was a frightened look in his eyes and I realize just how scared he was of being alone, of being left without Aya. I try to soothe away his fears by tightening my arms around him.

"He betrayed me, Youji. I don't know why he did it but he betrayed me."

"Sssh…" I tell him. "You don't have to continue."

I try to stop him from continuing, because I can feel him shaking. He is dangerously close to tears. But he shakes his head and struggles a little in my grip..

"No, I have to finish what I have to say."

I sigh and loosen my hold on him, allowing my arms to fall to my side. He promptly faces me, holding on to my right arm with a deathgrip as if to reassure himself I am still here, and starts to talk.

[Ken]

"There's actually nothing more to say…when I left you and Omi downstairs to come up to Ran's room and tell him that we all wanted to continue working in Koneko, I found Sakura blocking my way. She wanted to talk to me so I went with her. Sakura had this weird look on her face too, kind of wild and cruel,so unlike Sakura…"

_//"Ken-san. Can I talk to you for a second?" Sakura asked me as she closed Aya's door._

_I stopped in my tracks in startlement. Sakura never really wanted to talk to me before so I agreed with a smile._

_"Sure, Sakura-chan. But it'll have to be quick, ne? I still have to tell Aya something before I forget altogether."_

_A hostile expression entered Sakura-chan's face. And this startled me even more. The glare just didn't look right in her sweet face. But it was gone in a blink, replaced by a hard, cold look that creeped me out._

_"Stay away from Aya, Ken."_

_"I…I beg your pardon?" I ask her, confused. Surely I must've heard wrong._

_"I said stay away from Aya."_

_That made me blow my top. "And what right have you to say that?"_

_"Because I'm Aya's girlfriend."_

_"Nani yo? But I'm…" It almost slipped out as Sakura's answer surprised me. Only Omi and Youji knew that Aya and I were together, no one else knew._

_She sneered."You're what, Ken? You were about to say that you were his boyfriend ne?"_

_I stagger. "H…how did you know?"_

_"How else?" With each word she uttered, her face grew more sinister. "Why, Aya-kun told me of course. He also told me just how pathetic and weak you are, how you used to whine in your sleep after killing your friend."_

_I panicked. Could Aya have told her? He knew it was supposed to be our secret. "No, he couldn't have told you. He couldn't have."_

_I tried to deny it but my heart was saying it was truth because common sense told me that it could be no one else. No one else knew my secret._

_"Of course he did. How else do you think I'd find out?" Sakura laughed cruelly. "Remember, Kenken how you were trying to drown it out on your pillow but Aya heard you anyway. And how he would always lay a hand on you to make sure you quiet down? You're pathetic, Ken!"_

_My world fell apart at her words. No one else except Aya and I could know that._

_"And we had a fine time laughing about it too." She laughed in my face._

_That phrase was like a hammer. It broke my heart into pieces. Again I am betrayed. And by the person I loved most._

_I run out of Koneko and into the streets. Everything is a blur as I run blindly on, too engrossed in my thoughts. Aya, Aya betrayed me. I thought he loved me?How could he? I never want to see him again.//_

"He betrayed me, Youji. And it hurt so much. How could he? If he didn't really love me, he should've just fucking told me."

I couldn't help but tighten my grip on Youji's arm. In an instant, Youji hugs me again. And I am grateful for the comforting warmth. It has been so long since I have hugged anyone.

[Youji]

With everything on the table, I realize that their separation wasn't Ran's fault. And it wasn't Ken's. It was someone else's.

And I regret hitting Ran for a moment. Just a moment really, because his assholic behavior recently still merited a punch in the eye.

I now have two options open to me.I could explain to Ken or I could just tell Ken to forget about Ran and catch him on the rebound. I've done it before, with other lovers. But somehow I can't do it now.

"But he did love you Kenken. And he still does."

It is hard to say but there it is. I said it.

_And you probably flushed all your chances with Kenken down the drain with that statement._

For the first time my inner voice is in accord with what I am thinking. But I can't help it. I have to help Ken set things straight.

"How can you say that? Didn't you hear a word I said?"

"Of course I did, Ken." I ruffled his hair to soothe his agitation.

"And I say that Ran loves you.I admit that it was sort of strange the way Sakura seemed to know everything but you know, deep down, that Ran wouldn't do that. He's not the type. If he didn't love you at all, Ken, he would have told you straight out or swiped at you with that fuckingly deadly katana he owns to get you out of his life. It simply isn't his style to go about behind your back and tell it to Sakura."

"Demo…"

I settle a finger firmly on his mouth. "No buts, Ken. I'm a professional private investigator. I know how to read personalities and old stick-shoved-up-his-ass Ran Fujimiya can never do something like that.Trust me."

"But how did Sakura know…"

"Well, for sure its definitely not from Chief Shinigami." At the doubt in Ken's face, I sigh. I need a cigarette!

I rummage in my trouser pocket and come up with a lighter and a pack. I take one of the slim sticks and light it. Only when I am puffing away do I continue what I am saying.

"Just think about it. There are other ways of knowing, Kenken. A woman in love would do anything to take out her rival. Trust the love expert here." I try to inject humor into the situation to lighten the mood."Besides, if Ran told her then they should be together. Hell, its been two years! They would be frigging married by now. But they aren't, are they Kenken?"

That hit home. And Ken's face lightened.

"You're right. Demo…"

"But what? Ran loves you and you love Ran. What's the problem?" I burst out, frustrated. This is frustrating enough to tire out a saint and I am not a saint. Every word I utter is helping Ran and it rankles. I must be going insane because this is the first time I have ever helped a rival. And each word is like a hammer driving the stake in my heart deeper.

"I don't know if he is willing to listen to my side or not…he looks at me so coldly." The uncertainty in Ken's voice tugs at my heart and I soften my expression. I tap his nose as I smile.

"You will never know until you try ne?"

"I don't know if I can…"

I utter the magic words guaranteed to make Ken try. "Then you don't love him at all…"

And as I expected, Ken glared up at me with insulted eyes. "I didn't say I wouldn't try!"

That's my Kenken…"Sou ka."

Ken shakes my hand, hesitates, then pulls me to him in a hug, chuckling. "Now don't freak out on me, Youji. I just wanted to express my appreciation. Don't push me away. This'll only take a few seconds."

Take as long as you like…I wanted to tell him, but I don't. Instead, I wordlessly agree by putting up my arms to hug him back, allowing myself to savor this moment because I know it will never happen again. I close my eyes, imagining, for just a moment, that he is hugging me out of love. But reality intrudes.

"Thank you, Youji, you're a real friend."

A friend? Aa, Youji, a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. A little of the pain I am feeling cannot help but manifest itself as I tighten my arms around him.

TBC ^_~


	9. Default Chapter Title

Author: Swythangel

Email: swythangel@hotmail.com

Title: Götterdamerüng (Twilight of the Gods)

Type: Series 9/?

Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...

Rating: PG (just to be safe)

Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is

Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi

Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

Ai-ya! Just a short bridge for the scenes to come…it sucks a little, yes it does. But please bear with me…I'm still trying to get my bearings after BradxKen…

Thanks to everyone who commented on the gift…means so much to me huggles everyone

Ok here goes…

****

Götterdammerüng 

(Twilight of the Gods)

Part 9

[Ken]

Pace, pace, turn. 

Pace, pace, turn.

Nervousness has always left me unable to stay still and I walk back and forth, back and forth near Youji's car, waiting for Ran to show up. 

My heart is palpitating in my rib cage, trying to get out of my constricting chest and I am having trouble breathing. I am clenching and unclenching my fists. It's a good thing I haven't donned my bugnuks yet or they would have made an annoying sound to go with my nervous actions. I want to throw up or die, whichever would come first. And I still had a throbbing headache. It's a good thing I took a lot more vitamins for tonight's mission.

I don't want to do this. Yes, I do but I don't. 

__

/Do you want to do this or don't you? You're confusing yourself, Kenken./

I want to. Because I want to know if Ran still feels the same way I do. I do not want to stay in this limbo of suffering forever. I want to know if Youji is right about Ran. So much that it hurts to think about it.

But I don't want to do this too. Because I am afraid of what could happen. Afraid of what Ran would do. What if he doesn't even deign to answer me? Or worse, what if he turns away from me in distaste?

__

If he does, I would want to die…I do not think I could take that.

It is too much to risk…

"I..I can't do it, Youji."

I turn to the silent Youji who has been watching me since we arrived. He has been leaning on the hood of his car, smoking as usual. It is evident that I have been too preoccupied with my thoughts because I haven't even reprimanded him about his smoking habits.

He throws the cigarette down on the pavement after one last drag and grinds it into the ground. "Don't' be ridiculous, Ken. Of course you can."

I rake my hands in my hair, torturing my scalp with the almost-savage agitated gesture. "No, Youji, you don't understand. I can't!" I turn tortured eyes to look at him. "What if you're wrong, Youji, what if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he turns me away? You cannot understand how much I love him."

Tears threaten to spill again. My emotional wounds are still fresh enough and I doubt Youji would understand. I turn away from him and bow my head. I do not want him to see me cry again. I have imposed on him enough already this afternoon and even friends have their limits.

[Youji]

Watching Ken pace with worry has never been a fun thing. Watching Ken worry *and* having me hurting at the same time is hell. But I can't help it. Seeing him like this, in a welter of agony, over *telling*, just telling Ran that he wanted to talk to him, emphasizes the fact that he really does love Ran that much.

__

/You did it to yourself, Kudou. Remember who gave him his pep talk?/

Yes, I know, I know. And we've established that I'm a masochist already. I couldn't help that either. Which surprised me, actually. I have always been a teensy tiny bit selfish when it came to love. But seeing Ken break down on me almost tore my heart out. I want to put a smile back on his face. And I know I am not the one to do it. 

But I can be his friend. 

__

/Ah yes, you forgot martyr on the list of your virtues./

Shut up.

"I..I can't do it, Youji."

I take a last drag on my cigarette and grind it to the ground before replying becaue I know that I didn't, Ken would reprimand me again. And much as I love Ken paying attention to me, this isn't the time for my selfish pleasures.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ken. Of course you can."

Ken rakes his hands through his hair, and I wince, sympathizing with his scalp.

"No, Youji, you don't understand. I can't!" Tortured liquid brown eyes look up at me. "What if you're wrong, Youji, what if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he turns me away? You cannot understand how much I love him."

__

Oh, but I do, Kenken. I do. More than you can ever know.

I see the tears even before he turns his back to me. And I do not hesitate at all. I stride to where he is standing and spin him around, enfolding him in my arms, giving him the comfort and strength he needs. 

"I do understand, Ken." I breath into his ear, whispering because it is all I can manage. Bittersweet pain fills me again as I remember how good it feels to hold him close to me again.

__

/Hellooo! Earth to Kudou! Remember what you were going to do./

I almost forget my reason for holding him, relishing the feeling of Ken in my arms, if not for the conscience. Maybe consciences had their uses after all, I muse as I let go of my tight hold on Ken. I put my hands on both his arms and hold him at arms length, smiling down encouragingly at him.

"Now whatever happened to the do-or-die Ken I knew ne? You will never know until you try."

"Demo…"

I could see the doubt in his eyes as he protests. And I wasn't having any of that. I put a finger on his lips.

"Uh uh, Kenken. No buts. You *will* do it, because you want to and because you have to."

"Always remember that whatever happens, I will be here to support you. Now, you *will* tell Ran, tonight, ne, Kenken? I will not take anything else save yes for an answer."

I have pasted a gentle reassuring smile on my lips for Ken's benefit, to encourage him to tell Ran. But inside, a part of me is ranting, pounding myself on the head, for even daring to help Ran at all. While another part is trying hard not to feel the pain of knowing I will never get Ken.

There is a reason for my madness. If anyone asks me why I am helping Chief Shinigami no baka, I have only one answer.

Ran is the one. No matter how much I want to deny it. He is the only one who can give Ken back his happiness. 

Ken's eyes clear as I reassure him, determination replacing doubt. And I know that he will try to do it now. I feel pride at the thought. I know my Ken would always be able to do everything he set his mind to.

"That's my Ken." I tell him softly and I am rewarded with his smile. A smile just for me. In my delight, I can't help but lean down and kiss him on the lips, a light chaste kiss, without a vestige of sexuality in it at all. But it might not appear like that to the casual observer, especially when I, technically, am still hugging Ken.

A gasp from Koneko's backdoor startles the two of us and we turn to look. Ran and Omi are staring at us in surprise. Omi was the one who gasped. 

And Ran? 

Ran stood, transfixed, all blood gone from his face. At least for a second, before he whips around violently and strides towards the car without a backward glance at us. Omi, hesitates, turning an accusing eye on me, before following Ran.

"Ran!"

Ken breaks free from my arms then and tries to follow Ran. I can't even share a sweet moment with Ken without being interrupted. I sigh. Maybe I should take Fate's hint.

I follow at a more sedate pace, thinking things through. And to give Ken some time to talk to Ran as he catches up with him. Omi, I know, would be quick-witted enough to find something to do.

Fate moves in incomprehensible ways. Just when Ken is planning to work things out with Ran, something like this happens. It doesn't take a genius to know what Ran is thinking at all. He probably believes I have confessed my love for Ken. And knowing our prudish leader, he is going to try to ignore his love for Ken all the more. It's a stupid trait, that. Trying to ignore something when its in front of his face. I smirk. At least I know Chief Shinigami isn't perfect.

All this because fate had chosen to have Ran and Omi appear just when I was comforting Ken.

I decide that fate is either a crazy sadist or a woman. 

Damn it! Ran will listen to what Ken had to say. Even if I have to break every fucking bone in his body, he will listen to what Ken had to say.

[Ran]

I stride towards the car quickly after being transfixed by the sight I witnessed. I do not want them to see the pain that spills from my eyes at the sight of Youji kissing Ken. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would not have believed it. 

__

/Aya no baka. What did you expect? That Ken is still in love with you? He walked out on you, remember?/

Aa. I remember. But still…

It hurts. It hurts to see Ken with anyone else. Especially with Youji.

I won't think of them now, I won't. We have a mission to complete tonight and I need to concentrate on that. Yes, concentrate on the mission. That's a good idea. 

__

/Breath deeply, Aya. In. Out. Put on your mask again before anyone sees./

I rearrange my face into a cold mask of indifference as I reach the car. I do it just in time too as Ken runs up from the alley to catch hold of my arm.

"Ran! Hold on for a moment will you? We need to talk."

Talk? What would Ken want to talk about?

I turn cold violet eyes on him and watch him flinch. I tell myself I don't care. 

"If its about the mission, Ken, we can 'talk' about that when we are enroute to the mission."

"Its not about that." Ken tells me softly, hesitation in his eyes. "Its about us."

Us? Us? What is there to talk about us when I just saw Youji kiss him. I want to rant at Ken, tell him what I thought. But I don't. To do so would be to let him know I care about him.

If he had asked me this before Youji kissed him, I might have given him a smile and agreed but now? How could I when I know just what he is going to say---that he loves Youji and he wants closure from our relationship, our non-existent relationship. 

I want to scream. It is tearing me up inside, this love I have for this clumsy boy. I want to tell him how much he is hurting me, how I want to kill Youji with my katana.

"Ran? You will talk with me won't you?"

All anger drains out of me as my violet eyes meet pleading brown ones. It is like being thrown back to the past. I can never resist him when he turns those eyes at me. Never could. And I have a feeling I never would. I can do nothing but agree, even though I know it hurts me.

"After the mission, Ken. We'll talk after the mission."


	10. Chapter 10

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 10/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

Yatta ne, minna! I actually did Götterdammerüng! Ahoho! I'm so happy and this is good and long too.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Real life got ahold of me so much that I rarely have time to do my fics sniffs> and so I was wondering if it would be ok for me to drop "Despite Everything" from my fic commitments since it is too sappy in the first place. And I don't want to drop Götterdammerüng since this is my first Weiß baby. Tell me what you guys think?

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 10**

[Omi]

_/I am not an eavesdropper. I really am not./_

I tell myself over and over as I input data into my laptop in preparation for tonight. I am valiantly trying to tune out the words Ran-kun and Ken-kun are saying, trying to make myself as small as I can beside the car.

But as much as I try, the words reach me. Such is the disadvantage of deepening twilight. Nothing moved or made a sound, amplifying Ran-kun's and Ken-kun's voices. Should have anticipated that Ken-kun would ask Ran-kun for a few minutes.

"If its about the mission, Ken, we can 'talk' about that when we are enroute to the mission."

"Its not about that.Its about us."

I can't help but feel sorry for Ken-kun at the coldness in Ran-kun's voice. Somehow I knew he'd be hurt by it. But I understand why Ran-kun is angry too.

I was surprised at what I had seen, who wouldn't be? Youji-kun kissing Ken-kun…if it had been Ran-kun I wouldn't have been so surprised but Youji?

Maybe surprised is not the word. I am astounded and shocked. Youji-kun knows that Ken-kun loves Ran-kun and Ran-kun loves Ken-kun, however hard they might try to hide it. That's why I couldn't help the accusatory glare I threw Youji-kun's way before stalking after Ran-kun.

"Ran? You will talk with me won't you?"

"After the mission, Ken. We'll talk after the mission."

_/That's the way, Ran-kun. Give Ken-kun a chance! Youji-kun is getting a scolding from me too, once this mission is over too./_

But now, I have to concentrate on the mission. I need to assign quadrants and tasks for tonight.

Its not easy though. I'm trying to manipulate the team so I can give Ken-kun the cushier job. He's too pale, even now, and I don't want him to faint again. Especially since Zeiger is going to be a bitch to penetrate.

I just hoped that Ken-kun was feeling better, though I doubt it. Those black lines under Ken-kun's eyes weren't eyeliner.

[Aya]

"What are our assignments, Omi?"

I tap Omi's shoulder through the space in the car seat.Omi is in front, Ken and I at the back with Youji driving. The usual seating arrangement, and it should be a usual mission except for the uncharacteristic tension inside the car emanating from Ken, Youji and me.

Right now, I shove the emotions I feel aside, concentrating on finishing the mission. I cannot afford to think of personal concerns at the moment.

Omi turns to face everyone, typing in his laptop all the while.

"There are three critical points we have to infiltrate." He turns the laptop towards us, revealing a digital map of the building, with 3 red dots on specific locations.

"We all start out here." Omi pointed to the rofftop. One of us will remain behind to disable the security system. The others will come down the ventilation system. Once we reach the 14th floor, someone will have to stay behind in that floor's ventilation system and work on a separate alarm system. Security on that floor has been doubled, due to Project: Trojan. The remaining two members will have a clear path to the laboratories. Those two will have to get Cassandra and kill off the scientists."

"Hn." I turn an inquiring eye at Omi."And you have worked out who will go on the assignments?"

I know Omi has done that already, this was standard procedure after all. But dread fills me because somehow I know just who are going to get assigned to do what.

Omi was going to assign Ken to the first position. It was the safest place imaginable and we were all worried about a repeat from last mission. Omi would want Ken to be in the safest place possible.

Omi would have to be the one in the ventilation system because he would have to take care of the more complicated security alarms around Cassandra's floor. No one else would be able to handle that.

That would leave Youji and…me to take care of the scientists and Cassandra. And that was what I was afraid of. Right now, I'd no sooner do this thing alone than be with Youji.

But still, a mission is a mission.

[Omi]

"Siberian will take the first point."

"Demo…" Ken-kun protested.

I knew he would. He had this mother-hen thinking that sometimes slips through even on missions.I know what is running through his head. He's thinking that I needed to be protected since I'm the youngest. As if I couldn't kick ass with the rest of them. He hadn't been like this before, only since we all got back to work.

It was and still is irritating…not that I don't appreciate the concern but just because I had the looks of a defenseless boy didn't mean I *was* defenseless. And besides, in this case, Ken-kun's the one who needed to be protected.

I cut him off even before he could argue.

"I am going to be at the second point where the alarms are more complicated. We need someone who has some knowledge of my computer programs on the first point to guarantee success. We cannot just leave anybody who might blow up the laptop."

I look pointedly at the driving Youji-kun to emphasize my point. He obviously felt my scrutiny because he threw me an exasperated glance.

"It was only one time, Bombay. Go rub it in, why don't you?"

"That does not give you the excuse to total a perfectly good piece of hardware."

I arch an eyebrow. I am still seething at what I had witnessed earlier and am not feeling inclined to be kind at all.

And anyway, Youji-kun had totaled my laptop that time. I didn't want to sacrifice a new one again.

"So that leaves you Siberian." I glossed over the fact that Aya-kun could actually operate the programs efficiently too but why bother over the unnecessary details. My objective is to stick Ken-kun in the safest place possible.

And it seems that both Aya-kun and Youji-kun agree with me because both nod their heads. 3 against 1. There wasn't anything Ken-kun could do but acquiesce.

"That would leave Abyssinian and Balinese to secure Cassandra and take care of the scientists."

I could almost feel Aya-kun's brows wrinkle in disapproval at my back. But I ignore it, like everyone else, he had to deal with his issues, the misison came first.

"Estimated time for a safe escape would be 2 hours tops. Go in, disable alarms, get Cassandra, kill scientists, get out, as fast as we can. Any longer and the cavalry will begin arriving. Any questions?"

I look around at the others, noting the tension inside the car. It was almost tangible. I swing my head as Ken-kun cleared his voice.

"Just one." He told me, something flickering in his eyes. I could tell he felt the tension too. He held up a woolen ski mask."Do I still need to wear this damn thing?" There is a plaintive note in his voice.

I stare in shock for a moment at the incredulity of the statement and then burst out in laughter. The same-time Aya-kun and Youji-kun did. Tears gathering in my eyes.

Like magic, the tension vanished, leaving behind a comfortable silence. And I realize that Ken-kun did it for that reason. I smile to myself.

_/Arigato, Ken-kun./_

No one else could have carried off that stupid comment save for Ken-kun. And perhaps for the hundreth time since Weiß reunited, I thank God that Ken-kun had decided to go back. Things would never have been the same if Ken-kun wasn't with us. We were family.

[Youji]

Ran's katana could probably have cut through the air and left a deep tangible gash. That is, if Ran wanted to, which he didn't, after all he has a proverbial stick-shoved-up-his-you-know-what syndrome. I'm being catty but that was how thick the tension in the car was.

I know where all of this is coming from, of course. Shit, I'm not fucking insensitive or blind. Besides, even if I was, I would still feel the dagger glares Ran kept leveling at me. Though to be fair, it wasn't just me he was glaring at. Hell, he had been glaring at practically everything for the past hour. If anyone devised a hell on earth, it would have an Aya Fujimiya guard glaring at everyone from the back seat of the car. Things couldn't get any worse than this.

"That would leave Abyssinian and Balinese to secure Cassandra and take care of the scientists."

Did I say things couldn't get any worse than the previous time? I was wrong. Nothing could be worse than *this*. Having a very furious Ran as my partner.

Now, normally, I wouldn't give a fuck about Ran being mad but this was different. A partner is supposed to be the one watching my back and vice-versa. Somehow it doesn't give me much confidence to know that my partner is ***the*** one who wants to stab me in the back even before the enemy does. This is definitely not a good strategic plan. Not that I have any choice in the matter of course.

I would go through this shitty mission and worry about Ran later.

"Estimated time for a safe escape would be 2 hours tops. Go in, disable alarms, get Cassandra, kill scientists, get out, as fast as we can. Any longer and the cavalry will begin arriving. Any questions?"

_/I have one. How about switching partners?/_

I am about to voice out a joke to clear the tension when Ken spoke up.

"Just one." He told us, something flickering in his eyes. I could tell he felt the tension too. He held up a woolen ski mask."Do I still need to wear this damn thing?"

I burst out laughing. The remark was just so damn silly, so funny and artless, so…so Ken. So endearingly Ken.

I sneak a peek at the rear-view mirror to look at the unaware brunette reflected therein, caressing the sweet curves of Ken's face with my green gaze. Ken wasn't beautiful, not really. Hard as it is to say, Aya was the beauty of the group, not Ken. But Ken was, well, he was, endearing. And I never tire of looking.

But even as I admire him, I note the tiredness in his face, the pinched look in his expression as well as the pale pallor. But most of all I notice the sureptitiously worried glances he kept throwing Ran's way. My heart constricts.

That's it. Note to myself, I am going to talk to Ran before we go in. I'll tell him that it wasn't what it seemed back in the alley.

I am pleased at that thought. That's a fuckingly good idea. It would probably save lives too, namely mine, since then he'd know that *nothing* happened. And we could concentrate on the mission.

_/Stop kidding yourself, Kudou. You know why you're really going to tell him./_

Fucking conscience couldn't leave it well enough alone. And yes, of course I know why I'm doing it. Still that line was far cooler to hear than the truth.

_/And what is the truth?/_

That I'm doing this because of *him*. My gaze returns to Ken's reflection. That goes without saying.

/You do realize that you'll be helping Ran yet *again*./

Yes.

/All hail the great martyr convert, Youji Kudou! My, how far you've fallen,/

Shut up!

/That's impossible Kudou as you well now. You can't shut a conscience up./

Then you're retired. Goddamn it! Who needs a fucking conscience?

Even before my conscience can reply, I realize that we're here. I step on the brakes angrily, abruptly halting the car.

"We're here." I tell them in clipped tones, I am angry at my reticence in forgetting the mission.

Everyone gets out of the car, as silent and sure-footed as the cats we're named after. Each in his own thoughts, readying himself with a habitual ritual unique to each one.

I check my weapons and make sure that my communicator is in good working order as I try to prepare myself mentally. But try as I want to be calm, I can't. Because the business with Ran is still unresolved. I have a feeling I'll never be prepared until I get it over with.

_/Hell, I should get it over with. No sense waiting in a welter of agony over nothing./_

I step forward and put a hand on Ran's arm.

"Abyssinian, got a minute? I want to talk to you. In private."

[Ran]

I lead Youji a little away from the other two without a word spoken. And when I judge that we are conveniently far enough for them not to hear, I stop and turn towards Youji, pinning him with a glare.

"What is it you want, Kudou?"

My voice sounds clipped, rude even. And I do not care, I would have wanted to emphasize that with a punch or two if I could but I restrained myself.

"It wasn't what you think it was."

Fucking shit! I want to tell him. The hell it wasn't. What would he call what I saw? I saw him with Ken in his arms, damn it! *And* with his head bent in an angle that meant he *kissed* Ken. Now he was telling me it wasn't what I think it was? Bullshit!

If I was any less restrained I would have given voice to those hateful words. As he would have. Or Ken would have. But I am not Youji or Ken, I am Ran and the only time I ever give voice to my anger is when I can't control it anymore. And right now, I am still in control.

I shrug my shoulders and look at him nonchalantly.

"What makes you think I care?"

Youji snorted. A derisive snort that meant he didn't believe me one bit.

"I am not naïve Ken, Ran. You can't fool me with that bullshit."

I glare at him.

"Nor am I Omi whom you can intimidate with your death glares."

That tears it. I couldn't help it. My mask slipped.

"Yes, you're just Youji who makes out with anyone human!"

_/That was low, Ran, very low./_

Yes, it was low but I couldn't help it. Standing before me was the one who stole my Ken away from me and taunting me. Even the most perfect of men would do what I did.

He arched his brows at me, not even daunted.

"Surely you can think of a better insult, Ran."

"Look, Kudou. We have a mission to do. Can we spare the chitchat until later?"

"No. We talk now. Because later, you will talk to Ken."

I raise an eyebrow in surprise.How did he know?

"I know you well enough to know that you tried to brush Ken off an hour ago. That is why we are talking now, Chief Shinigami. Because you *will* talk to Ken later."

The emphasis on the word "will" didn't escape me. There was an implicit threat in the words, an unsaid "or else" hanging in the air. Not that I would do anything just because Youji threatened me.

"Hn." I tell him non-committally.

"It wasn't what you think it was."

He just repeated what he said a while ago. And I am repeating myself too. I still don't believe.

"Nothing happened."

Oh, sure Kudou. Nothing happened. That's why you had your arms around him.

"Ken and I are just friends."

Bullshit. Friends do not kiss each other.

"Or at least, we're just friends, from Ken's point of view."

The softly uttered words grab my attention like nothing Youji has said. It was more to himself that he said it rather than to me. The words conveyed hurt and wistful yearning, words I wouldn't have used to describe Youji before.

But it fit now, there was no other way to describe the tone he used. And somehow, this made me believe him. He couldn't have acted out the pain in his voice.

And hope fills my being as much as I try to surpress it. After all, gloating over someone's pain is always in bad taste. But still…

Thoughts tumble into each other, clamoring to be heard. But one thought overrode all others. Did Ken still love me?

I wanted to ask Youji. But before I can even form the words, I hear a rustling in the bushes. Battle-ready reflexes takes over and I unsheathe my katana at the same time that Youji takes out his wire.

The bushes parted to reveal a blushing Omi.

"Gomen nasai. But its time."

I nod my head and follow him back to the car. Its time for the mission to begin. My question could be answered later…when I speak to Ken.

TBC

^_~ Comments are greeted with hugs and glomps as well as a greeting of "Happy Heart's Day!"


	11. Mission

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 11/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff

O-ya! Its been so long since I came up with any installment for any ficcie beams and bounces> Whee! I'm so happy that I was able to get my hands on the computer for a little while to write this down before hidoii real life takes me over again.

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 11** [Ran]

My katana sings as it cuts through the air and makes contact with human flesh. The scientist barely makes a sound as he slides on the floor lifeless, eyes still opened wide in disbelieving surprise.

I scan the room, taking a body count of the other scientists strewn in disarray all around the laboratory. All accounted for. I look down on my most recent victim. He was the last one.

A movement from the other side of the room catches my attention and I can see Youji signalling a thumbs-up sign at me. Good, he got Cassandra. I nod my head in affirmation and start to busy myself, setting up explosives all around the room. Nothing must remain. Or else Cassandra might well be resurrected.

After setting up the last explosive and signalling Youji, I toggle the communicator. " Everything's in place. Bombay, set the timer to 5 minutes. Balinese and I are coming up."

I let Youji precede me as I bring up the rear. There was no telling just what surprises Zeiger still had for us and for now Cassandra needed to be protected. And since Youji is carrying Cassandra that means he had to be protected too. I thought sourly.

Jealous feelings are still rioting over me, of course. And they won't ever go away until Ken himself tells me there are no grounds for that jealousy to begin with. But that is a thought best left for later. Right now we still have a mission to finish.

I scan the corridors watching for telltale signs of potential danger. All of a sudden I feel faint, my sight blurring for a second. I falter for a moment but catch myself before Youji notices.

Fuck! What was that all about? I was perfectly fine when we left Koneko. I rub at the back of my head. Now that I think about it, a headache is starting to throb between my eyes and I had broken out in cold clammy sweat. To top it all off, the shoulder that the dart pierced is throbbing like hell.

No time to think about myself. I have to finish the mission.

I realize that I have been too immersed in my thoughts when Youji lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Abyssinian! Hey man! Are you all right?"

"Hn. Of course I am."

"Well you could have fooled me. Bombay has been trying to talk to you for a minute or so and you haven't been responding."

"I am alright. Just move forward." And as Youji starts to move again, I toggle the communicator. "Bombay? Status."

"Abyssinian, I just wanted to confirm. All explosives are armed. You and Balinese have exactly 4 minutes and 20 seconds to get out of the 14th floor before it blows sky high. I'll be packing up and meeting you at the rendezvous point with Siberian."

"Copy that, Bombay. Stay alert for surprises. Abyssinian out."

"Balinese, move out."

[Youji]

You just got to see the humor in every situation, I always say. And right now I can *definitely* see the humor in *this* situation.

Chief Shinigami is chafing at the thought that he is playing rear guard to protect my ass especially when he still feels like slicing me to pieces. Actually he is technically protecting Cassandra but since I am carrying Cassandra…

I call it poetic justice and I'm enjoying his disgruntlement. Knowing Ran, he isn't even finding this remotely funny. The prude.

We've been making good time in the ventilation shaft and I could see the opening up ahead. A shadow momentarily blocks the light from it and I tense, expecting trouble.

It is only Omi. I relax, recognizing the wind breaker Omi always wore as he squeezes out of the ventilation shaft. That's good. So far so good.

And we had about a minute or so left before the explosives go off. The mission looks like its going to be an unqualified success, which is good.

I wonder if Ken did alright. I hadn't heard a peep from him all night. And with his condition, I cannot help but worry for him. Yes, I know I am becoming a worse mother hen than he is but that's the way the ball rolls when you love somebody.

_Somebody who doesn't love you back…_

I quicken my pace, ignoring the thought.I want to see that Ken is alright with my own eyes.

I step out into the roof, my eyes automatically seeking out the familiar form clad in a leather brown jacket and find him talking to Omi, his ski mask off of his pale face.

He looks entirely wiped out with the mission, which is bad. I am wondering if h's still up to talking with Ran or if I should strongarm him into resting in his apartment at once. I become too preoccupied with the thought and forget that someone is waiting for me to step aside.

"Hn. Move over, Balinese."

I do not even twitch a muscle in response to Ran's words but I do move, towards Ken, worry knitting my brows.

Maybe I should have listened more intently to Ran, then I would have noticed that Ran's voice seemed strained. And if I had spared him a glance, I would have noticed that his normally pale face was abnormally flushed.

But since all of my attention is fixed on Ken, I don't even notice Chief Shinigami waver or pitch forward. That is, not until he fell on me.

"Ran!" I could hear Ken shout in alarm as I whip around. At the back of my mind, a small part of me was shaking his head. We were still on mission, Ken should have called Ran Abyssinian. Not that anyone would notice since we are the only people on the fucking rooftop. At least for now.

While all of this goes on in my head, my reflexes take over and it's a good thing I have quick ones too because it helps me catch Ran in midfall, sparing Ran's nose the chance to kiss hard cement. Lucky Ran.

"Ran!"

BA-boom!

Ken's voice and the explosion sounded at the same time and I calculate the time we have left until the place is swarmed with security. No time.

"No time for theatrics, Siberian. We have to move out. I'll take care of Abyssinian."

Ken hesitates and I bark out the command again.

"Move, damn it!"

In a few moments a helluva lot of security will be swarming the place, I didn't have the time to reassure Ken on Chief Shinigami's condition.

Omi tugs Ken. "Let's go Siberian. Balinese won't let anything happen to Abyssinian."

Damn striaght. Thanks, Omi.

And as the two disappear down the rope, I hoist Ran's inert form over my shoulder, grunting a little. For a guy who loooked just this side of anorexic, he sure did weigh a lot more than I thought he would. I grunt again, huffing a little as I inch myself down the wall.

Physical exertion always makes me think. And right now, my mind is revolving around the reason why Ran is unconscious, especially when he had been hale and hearty just a few hours before.

And then I remember the darts on our way to the 14th floor. Dread fills me.

Poison. The darts were poisoned. Damn it. And I can almost see what poison they'd dip the darts in. It would be the greatest piece of turn-around if someone who had any ill-intent on Project:Trojan would in turn be infected by it for his perfidy.

Judging from his flushed face, I'd say Ran did get hit with Trojan…not good. No one deserved Trojan, not even stick-shoved-up-his-ass Ran.

Damn it.The doctor better have a cure out soon. I have seen what happened to the victims of Trojan and it wasn't pretty.

"Hn. Yo…Youji? What?"

Ran weakly raised his head and looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Just relax Ran. We'll get you out of here."

TBC

^_~ ok, I know what you're thinking…bad bad Swyth-chan just made the plot muckier…gomen gomen ^^;

Comments greatly appreciated as always, and have I already said just how much I appreciate you guys' tenacity in following this? glomps you all> Domo! domo!


	12. Part 12

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 12/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Whee! Whee! Minna-san won't kill me for coming out with elan vital before this ne?beams> Because now I came up with the next one…blinks>   
Ran: But this is a very short one…   
Swythangel: whacks him> You needn't say that out loud!   
Anyway it is short but at least I came out with one ne? ne? To the wonderful people who kept nagging me for this (you know who you are), I love you a lot and if you didn't do it, I probably wouldn't have come around to it. glomps wonderful people>

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 12**

[Omi]

"Here, Omi. Hold on to this while I drive, will you?"

Youji-kun hands me a container which I place gingerly on my lap.

Aa, Cassandra would be inside. Mission accomplished then.

Normally, I'd be happy the mission went off without a hitch but not tonight. Tonight we have casualties.

I swing my gaze to the backseat where Ran-kun leaned against the seat, still unconscious. I can see the worry on Ken-kun's face as his gaze flutters over Ran-kun's prone form, I can sense the hesitant longing to touch the unconscious man.

"What happened, Youji?"

He asks Youji-kun. He hasn't taken his eyes off Ran-kun's face and his voice is liberally laced with panic and worry. Not that I blame him, having your leader pitch forward for no reason at all is unnerving.

I too want the answer so I turn to Youji-kun. Slight hesitation flickers in the green eyes, barely visible in the light of the streetlights we pass, fleeting, gone in seconds. Then Youji-kun shrugs.

"Search me. He just keeled over for no reason I can see."

LIE! Why is Youji-kun lying to us?

"Youji-kun!" I say sharply with a heavy hint of reproach. He knows Ken-kun as well as I do and this vague excuse he just served up is liable to make Ken-kun worry more. And it somehow annoys me. How can he do this to Ken-kun?

"Surely something unusual happened. Ran-kun couldn't just have keeled over without any reason."

"Omi's right, Youji." Ken-kun chimes in.

Youji-kun turns to me for a minute, taking his eyes off the street, to glare at me. I get the feeling he's blaming me for something I did. I also get the impression that he doesn't want to say anything in front of Ken-kun with the way his eyes keep darting in apprehension and indecision towards the rear-view mirror.

Now what did I do? All I did was ask a logical question. One he needs to answer anyway. I can't figure out why he's stalling.

"Youji, please."

I can see the instant effect the two words from Ken-kun has on Youji-kun as his shoulders visibly slump in the driver's seat. He sighs audibly.

Minutes pass in silence as Youji-kun slows down a little. But he continues driving. His eyes still fixed on the street. I almost assume that he isn't going to say anything despite his look of defeat moments ago but then, suddenly, his throaty voice breaks the silence.

"Ran got hit by one of the traps—the flying darts on the 14th floor."

Darts. Among the four of us. I should know them the best. They are my weapon of choice after all, second only to my beloved laptop.

Darts. The first thing that enters my mind is poison. And I can see that the same thought occurs to Ken-kun because his hand immediately latches onto one of Ran-kun's wrists, searching for a pulse.

The relief in Ken-kun's voice fairly burst out in palpable relief inside the car as he announced "Pulse is erratic but strong."

Not poison then. I sigh in relief.

But if not poison, what else can make Ran-kun unconscious for this long.

I look back at Ran-kun. He's too pale, even for him, and he's sweating. He isn't doing anything and he's sweating. What exactly is the matter with Ran-kun?

"Youji, take us to the hospital."

I can almost feel the tension in Ken-kun's voice, trying to fight down panic as he looks at Ran, almost irrational panic.

"Look, Ken, I know you're concerned but…"

Youji-kun didn't change course.

"The hospital is the other way, Youji."

If I'm Youji-kun I'd be hesitating now because there is a dangerous edge in Ken-kun's voice. But then again, Youji-kun is another stubborn pri…person.

"I know that Ken but…"

"Just fucking change course, Youji! We *need* to get Ran to the hospital! He's burning up and he isn't responding to anything. If you don't want to drive us there then shove over and let me do it!"

Did I say almost irrational panic before? Because it definitely is irrational panic now. I shudder at the murderous gleam of resolve in Ken-kun's eyes.

_/Help me!_ /

Youji-kun's gaze seem to implore me. But how do I help him? I realize why Ken-kun is doing this and I don't know why Youji-kun's reason. The question must be in my eyes because Youji-kun's next words are trying to make Ken-kun see his point, his voice strangely calm even in the face of Ken-kun's anger.

"Before you go flying off the handle, Ken. Remember where this road leads to."

"Youji…"

"Yes, I know we need to get Ran some aid as soon as possible. But I think that it'd be better for Ran and the whole group if…"

Ken-kun is starting to protest yet again, I think he hasn't been listening to a word Youji-kun is saying. However, I am. And I realize where Youji-kun is leading to. I shout out the answer, trying to get Ken-kun's attention.

"Dr.Kanzaki, Ken-kun! Youji-kun is taking us to Dr. Kanzaki."

The German doctor's name seem to penetrate Ken-kun's head and he subsides. Yes, Dr. Kanzaki. Surely he will know what's wrong with Ran-kun.

Sugoi! I am too tired to deal with Ken-kun ranting. And I'm sure Youji-kun is too.

I turn to him and see him arching his brows at me. As if telling me, "See! And that, my dear Omi, is why I didn't want to tell you in front of Ken."

Ah, hell! So that's why Youji-kun glared at me. Well, I am not an oracle, I didn't know this would happen. So there!

Suddenly I have this insane urge to stick my tongue out at Youji-kun for his superior attitude. But I don't. To do so would be to give him the satisfaction of witnessing dear widdle Omi-kun acting childish. Geh!

I settle for crossing my arms and pouting instead.

[Ken]

I am sitting beside the bed with Youji and Omi, my eyes latched on to Ran who is lying, still unconscious, on the bed. We reached the doc's clinic in record time thanks to Youji and the doctor ran some tests on Ran. Now we're impatiently waiting for the results….or at least I'm impatiently waiting.

_/Everything hurts./_

I am trying to rub my head inconspicuously. Because its pounding like an overactive jackhammer and I feel really dizzy but I cling to consciousness because there are more important things to do than keel over.

_/More important things…like Ran./_

He looks so pale and drawn. So very different from before we went into Zeiger. And I am really worried for him. Damn if I am going to leave his side. I just hope Mother-hen Youji doesn't notice my condition. I control my expression to at least seem like nothing is amiss. Its hard to do, with pain coursing through my body.

I am deathly tired. I sigh. But Ran needs me more than I need sleep.

The door creaks and I turn to see Dr. K enter the room. My heart starts to pound as I see the too serious expression on his face.

"What's wrong with Ran, doc?"

"I haff finished checking Ran. Ze results are being processed. I vud like to check all of you too. Yust in case. So vud the two of you follow me to ze lab first."

I swear that's not the answer to my question. But my mind is too occupied with staying conscious to even bother with protesting. Besides, he's motioning to Omi and Youji so I'm not really concerned.

"Hell that won't be necessary, doc. Ran got hit by the darts. Omi and I weren't. Why waste precious time?"

I grin at Youji's answer. I'm not the only one who is allergic to doctors.

"You might not haf felt it but zer iz still ze possibilty zat you ver also infected. I'd rather be fairy sure."

"But…"

Just as I expect, Youji is trying to put up a protest. I wonder if he can talk his way out of this.

"Really, Youji-kun. Why don't you just follow the doctor and shut up."

I see Omi pushing Youji out of the room. Omi can be awfully bossy when he wants to be. And right now is no exception. Youji does not have a prayer of squirming out of this. Nope, not with Omi on Dr. K's side. He'll just have to bear up under the battery of tests.

Dr.K's voice float back to me as I hide a smirk from the departing Youji's back.

"I'll come back for you after ze two are done, Ken."

"Yeah Doc!" I roll my eyes. It seems that even I am not safe from the tests. But then again I expect no less. I am still Astyanax.

As the door falls shut, I let go of all pretenses and I can almost feel my face show the ravages of pain I am feeling at the moment. It hurts to move my head, hurts to even blink. But who the hell wants to blink when I want to look out for Ran.

Now that everyone else is away I pull my chair closer to the bed and slowly, hesitantly, put out a hand to lay over Ran's arm. Perhaps I am a glutton for punishment, because I know that if Ran wakes up and finds my hand on his arm, he'd glare me down into a puddle of goo but I still do it.

Maybe my headaches have turned my brain to mush too because seeing Ran opening his eyes and glaring at me seem like a very happy prospect at the moment. Much better than looking near death and unconscious.

I stroke some of his fiery hair from his face, worried gaze travelling up and down his form for any sign that he might be ok. And because I am tired, I decide to lay my head against his arm. Just like I did so very long ago.

_/Wake up, Ran. Even if only to glare at me for taking such liberties with you. Wake up!/_

TBC

^_~ Comments onegai?! As usual I am a brazen hussy who would dearly love anyone who comments!


	13. Youji

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 13/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine, just as kawaii Tomokazu Seki is not mine…both are Koyasu Takehito's…Or at least I'd like to think Seki and Koyasu belong together. Ahohohoho! Twisted me!

Short still...runs away from kate-chan ^-^>but I find myself wanting to write Yotan angsting. Yotan angsting is good. ^o^ I love Yotan angsting about Ken. If I wasn't such a RanxKen fanatic, I'd shove Ken towards Youji without blinking. ^^

Its really going to go into the details in the next parts hopefully! ^-^ Domo to everyone who supports Gott! Gotta love you guys. You keep me writing. ^^

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 13**

[Youji]

"No, I want to stay here."

_/Yes, I know you want to stay here Ken, you've been telling me this for the past half-hour but you can't. You look as pale as Ran does. I won't have you keeling over on me./_

"No." I tell Ken firmly, looking straight into his tempestuous stubborn eyes with my own brand of pigheadedness. In this I am not to be swayed. Not when it comes to Ken's health.

"You are going to go to your flat to rest for a few hours. God knows we all need it."

"Come on, Ken-kun. Youji-kun is right. We all need the rest. You look ready to drop."

"I'm fine, really."

Ken protests, all the while looking at the prone form on the bed. I look at Omi. Both of us are wearing identical expressions of exasperation. We've been with Ken long enough to know this would eventually crop up.

"No." I tell him again, firmly. The kind of no that did not take any bullshit. I refuse to endanger his health just for Ran.

He looks at me angrily and explodes.

"Fuck off, Youji! Who are you to dictate what I can and cannot do?"

I should have expected that. Who am I indeed?

"Ran's sick. How can you guys even think of resting when he hasn't gained consciousness ever since the fucking mission. How can *I* sleep knowing he's in this state? You guys just don't goddamn care what happens to him."

A heavy silence follows Ken's outburst. A silence that seems to throb, making me imagine that the anaesthetic white walls of the small sickroom in Dr.Kanzaki's private office is moving along in time with my heartbeats.

We all know how unfair that sounded, even Ken. And Omi and I are level-headed enough not to deign it with a reply. Of course we care for Ran. Ken is just too angry to notice. And in a few minutes, he is going to realize that.

1,2,…

"F…forgive me. I didn't mean that."

From Ken's end of the room, the brown eyes lift up to look at me and then at Omi in apology. I can see love and concern tearing him up inside. And I hurt along with him.

"We know." I tell him softly. "But you can't do anything right now, Ken. Not until Dr.K can tell us what's going on. As much as Ran might need you, you need sleep as well. So I'll take the first watch. I'll call you if any developments come to light."

I nod my head at Omi and the younger blonde tug at Ken's hand to lead him out of the door. Ken's eyes stray once again to the bed. Not surprising really especially since his attention never left it since we got here.

"He will be alright, won't he, Youji?"

He looks like a child, wanting reassurance that all will be well. Love, pain, desperation, hope and other mixed emotions I can't identify seem to radiate out of his very being. And I wonder once again just how much he loves Ran.

"Yes. Yes, he will be."

And with that, Ken reluctantly follows Omi out of the door.

As soon as I hear the outer door click shut, I open a pack of new cigarettes and light one, going to the open window to think about things.

Finally, I can drop the strong front I have been keeping in place for the other two and just be myself. Its hard to be strong when I'm as scared shitless as Omi and Ken.

Chief Shinigami might not be my most favorite person but it gives me the creeps to see him lying there like he's close to death. And in a few hours just after being hit with a fucking dart too.It just seems so surreal.

I turn then and lean my back on the wall beside the window to look at Ran's prone form on the bed. He is so pale and still, his scarlet hair starkly in contrast with the predominantly white room that it makes him look even deathly paler than before.

I am not a really God-fearing man. But if there is a God out there, I hope He can hear me and not let Chief Shinigami die. For Weiß' sake, for everyone's sanity, but mostly, for Ken.

All thoughts lead to Ken eventually.

_/You won't die, Ran. Because if you do, you'll break Ken's heart once again. And for that, I will hunt you to the lowest levels of hell just to make you pay./_

I recall the love I heard in Ken's voice as he asked me for reassurance. I can't even comprehend the depth and breadth of the emotion in his voice. But I know that it's the real thing and as all things that pertained to Ran and Ken's relationship, or lack thereof did, it made my chest ache and I forget to breathe.

Maybe it's the darkness or maybe its just that I'm tired and I can't hold back my emotions any longer. Not and stay sane at the same time. But it seems that the walls I have been keeping around my emotions for so long seem to crumble to dust as I sit here, surrounded by the lonely night.

_/I hate you, Ran. I hate you for what you can have with Ken but refuse to see./_

I throw my cigarette violently out the window and stride to the edge of the bed, looking down at the beautiful face. A face that held no fascination for me, unlike what it did for Ken.

_/Just what is it about you, Ran, that elicits such a reaction from Ken? You who fucking like to hide your emotions from everyone, even from him whom you love the most. What does he see in you?/_

What does Ken see in Ran? Ran who always seem to want to hide behind his unassailable fortress of silence, Ran who seems to be the absolute antithesis of Ken's personality.

I know what he sees in Ken. Ken who loves the sun, laughter and children. Ken who has a boundless concern for people that seem to never end, Ken who has an open guileless charm that is so infinitely adorable in every way.

_/What is it that you do that makes him love you so much? So much that he sunk into depression when he thought you rejected him, so much that he aches for everything done to you, so much that he is willing to sacrifice his well-being to be by your side when you are like this./_

_/What do you have, Ran that I don't?/_

I love laughter too just like Ken. And I am more open of my emotions that Ran will ever be.

I was there when Ken needed a friend. Ran was not. And I would never have hurt Ken for anything.

Why then must fate give Ken to Ran?

Its hard, so very fucking hard not to be bitter about everything. I know that I tell myself that I want Ken's happiness and if it lay with Ran then I would gladly step aside. Anything for Ken to be happy.

But its just so fucking hard!

I rake my hands through my hair.

I want to be the one Ken worries about. And I would gladly trade places with Ran now if it would mean Ken would look at me the same way he looks at Ran.

_/What is it that you have that I don't?/_

Even as I know that I won't ever receive an answer, the anguish in my heart overwhelms me too much and even futility doesn't stop the next words falling from my lips.

"Tell me."

I give way to my weakness now because it is the only time I can do so. Tomorrow I will be back to my old self and to my old habits. I know I will try everything to make sure Chief Shinigami will be alright because Ken would break if Ran gets worse.

And when Ran is well enough I know that I will try to get them back together.

But tonight, tonight I have the time to exorcise my demons and vent my innermost feelings.

That's what's so good about the darkness, it allows one to bare one's wildest, innermost feelings, the raw unrestrained thoughts that lurk in the deepest recesses of the mind. The darkness embraces these thoughts and cradles them to itself lovingly, vanishing just as soon as the sun's bright fingers creep up on it. This way the light will never see these deep dark secrets one hides except in the occasional unnoticeable shadows.

Such a fuckingly poetic thought but so damn true.

And for tonight, the darkness is my thoughts' lover. I can say what I feel, even in front of Chief Shinigami and it will all disappear in the morning. I need this, if only to keep sane. Just for tonight.

Imagine me, Youji Kudou, angsting in the dark. So very out of character with my usually sunnily sarcastic personality. I smile to myself, a humorless self-mocking smile. Behind the carefree soul that I often present, so very few people really know the real me.

But I don't have time to delve and indulge in too many thoughts as my communicator meeps.

"Balinese, roger."

Its automatic reflex to use my assassin name when I open the communicator. But its not automatic reflex for my pulse to quicken. Though I can't help it. I am expecting bad news. After all, Omi and Ken should be on their way home. Only bad news would possess the two to use the communicator.

"Youji! Ken…Ken fainted again! I need help to get him there. We're on the highway."

Goddamn it! Not Ken.

"Hang on, Omi. I'll be there in a few minutes with the car."

I shoot out of my seat and hurry out of the room, going straight outside and to the car without so much as a by your leave at the good Doctor. In the back of my mind I realize that I have left Ran alone in the sickroom. Ken would have a fit if he knew what I did but I don't care.

I have to get to Ken.

TBC   
^_~ Everyone repeat after me: "Comments onegai?" Ahohoho! I am just so predictable aren't I?


	14. Part 14

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 14/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine, just as kawaii Tomokazu Seki is not mine…both are Koyasu Takehito's…Or at least I'd like to think Seki and Koyasu belong together. Ahohohoho! Twisted me!

looks around at the ML people>Do I detect suspicious glares all around? grins> See! See! This is REAL!   
That Gott joke did me in…it made me guilty as heck for fooling you guys so I came out with the real one ^-^ Now I'm not evil ne? ne? And you all forgive me? pleading eyes> TO the fanfic.net people...trust me you don't want to hear about it. If you do go join the WKFF ml or the ranken one ^-^ Ahohohoho! shameless plugging here.   
To the WK "god" who threatened to skin me…see! I have the next part up. You can't skin me beams>   
This is slightly longer than the last installment and it tries to explain what happened to Ken. looks at document> I really should wind this up fast, it has already reached 68 pages in Word O.o kya!!!   
But this is nearing the end though, I hope…yes, Bridget-chan it is ^-^ Whee! Have I established a record for longest ongoing fic yet? Have I?   
Nuff said…on with fic…

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 14** [Omi]

"Which ones do I bring?"

I stare in confused awe at Ken-kun's bedside table. A variety of multi-colored bottles are lined up neatly in two rows. Loads upon loads of multivitamins and supplements of every brand imaginable. I wonder why Ken-kun, who has always been the healthiest among us, would need all these.

I shrug and search for a bag or container to put all the bottles in. Finding one in the kitchen cabinets, I quickly go back to the room and place everything inside.

Might as well bring everything. I don't want to leave anything behind or Youji-kun might take my head off. He was the one who sent me here while he brought Ken-kun to the clinic. He was as pale-faced as Ken-kun was. And so worried. It was the first time I ever saw Youji-kun so panicky.

"Domo arigato gozaimashita, ojiisan!"

I wave and smile at the night watchman on Ken-kun's apartment building and drive back to Dr. Kanzaki's clinic on my motorcycle, the plastic bag of medicine rattling everytime I hit a bump on the road.

Now why would Ken-kun need so many vitamins? As far as I know even soccer players don't need this much. Why, there is enough in the plastic for a small army.

Ken-kun, what is happening to you?

[Youji]

I had been hovering over Ken's prone form when Omi arrived with Ken's medicine. I took one look at the sheer amount of bottles, alarm filling my being as I rushed out with them to confront the doctor.

"Fuck it, Doc! Even a blind man can see that something's wrong with Ken. And as his doctor, you fucking well should know what's happening. You *will* tell us what's going on even if I have to strangle you to do it."

It isn't an empty threat either. The feeling that we have been kept in the dark just won't leave me. Somehow I know that its not an empty feeling. Ken, and the doctor for that matter, have been keeping something from us. And I can't help the feeling of dread that creeps up on me.

The doctor, to his credit, doesn't say anything at first, even at the face of my anger. He only looks at me. Then at the bag of bottles in my hands, focusing on them with an intenstiy that shuts me and the rest of the world out.

"Zat Ken…I should haf known."

He shakes his head and whispers to himself. The tone, from what I can distinguish in the German accent, is just a little exasperated.

I shift on my toes and almost speak when the doctor looks up at me.

"Zo…you vant to know vat is going on wiz Ken ne?" He shrugs. "Very vell. I tink it iz time zat you all know ze whole truth." His eyes stray to the bottles. "Ezpecially in ze light of zis new development."

I knew it! I knew something was going on. Elation would have filled me if not for the fact that I am so sure that the next thing the doctor says will be bad news…bad news for Ken.

"Take a seat zen, Youji, Omi. Zis vill take longer than any of uz can comfortable ztand."

That sounded so ominous.

Dear God! Just let Ken be all right and I will do anything you ask. Even quit smoking. God, let Ken be all right.

"Zis will explain everyzing."

The doctor hands both Omi and I brown folders and steps out of the room.

"I need to run zome tests on Ken. I vill be back to answer your questions."

I flip through my folder. It contains Ken's files but the medical mumbo-jumbo confuses me to no end. I can pick up some words like Trojan, anemia, virus and Astyanax in the report but how they all connect is beyond me. It gives me a phenomenal headache as well as a palpitating heart. The feeling of doom had increased as soon as I saw this folder.

Finally I can't take it any longer. There is a time to act all knowledgeable and a time to accept defeat and ask. I throw the folder on the table between us and turn to Omi.

"You understand this shit?"

The kid seems to hesitate then he nods at me. Sometimes I truly marvel at the brain Omi sports behind that pretty face of his.

"Not everything, certainly, Youji-kun, but the gist of it."

"And?"

[Omi]

"And?"

As Youji-kun turns jade-green eyes towards me, I couldn't help but flinch back. I hate being the bearer of bad tidings. Sometimes, understandanding things isn't a piece of cake.

"And…and…" I look about, wild-eyed. "And I need to use the men's room for a moment. Excuse me."

I don't want to be the one to tell Youji-kun. Especially now that I know that he loves him. One had to be blind not to see the panic in his voice when he got to us on the roadside or the concern in his eyes, all directed towards the prone form by the roadside. That wouldn't have been too suspicious if not for the thousand little things I have learned to look at.

Once he had arrived, Youji-kun had only spared me a glance and went straight towards Ken-kun. I couldn't help but see how his gaze lingered on the scrapes and bruises Ken-kun had from his fall from the motorcycle and how Youji-kun was desperately trying to get Ken-kun to open his eyes. You couldn't chalk it down to comrade concern. That kind of care could only mean one thing. Love.

Now that I made the connection, all of the weirdness around Youji-kun's and Ran-kun's behaviour fell into place.

Knowing how he feels about Ken-kun, how can I tell him what I found out in the reports?

Youji-kun is bound to freak out. I know he is. I'm on the verge of freaking out myself after reading those reports that the good doctor gave us. How could I have not seen it from the first? I had misjudged Ken-kun's sickness for something ordinary when I shouldn't have.

I bang my head on the cool tiles of the bathroom wall. This is a fine situation we're in. A fine situation for Weiß to be in. Ran-kun all prostrate on the bed unconscious. Ken-kun as well.

Damn! I should have noticed. I'm his best friend. I was the one who asked him back to Weiß. Why didn't I notice?

_/This isn't the time for hysterics, Omi. Get yourself together. We still have Youji-kun to face./_

Youji-kun. Yes. I guess there is no helping it. I need to be the one to tell Youji-kun. It would be better if it came from me rather than the doctor. He would understand it better.

I splash some cool water on my face to give me strength and emerge from the bathroom with a grim set to my face.

"Oi, Omi! You sure took your sweet time."

Youji-kun's tone is impatient as he looks up from the folder. The smell of cigarettes is heavy in the room and I can still see tendrils of smoke wafting up from the spent cigarette resting on the ashtray. If Ken-kun was here, he would have given Youji-kun such a scolding.

_/But Ken isn't here. He's lying in bed infected with the demon-spawned virus./_

"Gomen, Youji-kun. But I needed to go."

Youji-kun shrugs. "Sou, sou. Well, how about explaining all these medical mumbo-jumbo."

I tense. "Would you really want me to?"

"Stop talking silly, Omi. Of course I want you to. Why the fucking hell would I ask if I didn't want you to?"

"You might not like what you hear."

I can see the green pools widen and dilate a little with overriding anxiety.

_/He must really love Ken-kun to be this affected./_

For a moment, the anxiety seems to overcome Youji-kun, and I almost think that he will not pursue the question he asks me. But this is only for a moment because resolve finally solidifies in the green depths of his eyes.

"Sock it to me, kid."

I sigh. I guess there's just no working around the fact that I am going to be the bearer of bad news. Thank goodness this is Youji-kun and not Ran-kun. Ran-kun had this penchant to go into silent god mode, going into hiding in solitary splendor. Not something we need at the moment. Youji-kun on the other hand, only turns serious and deadly quiet. At least he isn't liable to desert me.

Thank God for small mercies.

Of course, there's also the chance that he would become violently angry. I wouldn't put it past Youji-kun….but at least I know he isn't liable to hurt me. It isn't his way. We are more liable to end

up with broken furniture rather than a broken Omi.

"You want the long of it? or short of it?"

"Everything. Tell me everything."

I breath in and gulp a glass of water. Afterwhich I snag one of the folders. Best to look at the folder than Youji-kun.

"Well, this basically covers everything since the time Ken-kun met Dr. Kanzaki and even before then."

"Even before?"

"Yes. It seems that the Doctor, after escaping from Zeiger, has already been scouting around for people of, er, characteristics akin to Ken-kun."

I notice I am skipping over the obvious mention of Ken-kun's ailment. It is intentional. I do not need an irate Youji-kun trying to butt-in in the middle of my explanation.

"This chronicles the time Ken-kun went to Brazil with the J-league players for an exhibition match with the Brazilian team. It seems that the country has a long history of insects and malaria."

"Malaria? What the heck is that?"

"…it's a type of fever, Youji-kun. A deadly fever that masquerades itself as another type if sickness, making it more deadly."

_/Doesn't it sound so familiar, Youji-kun?/_

"Go on, Omi."

"Well, it seems that Ken-kun, while being inoculated for malaria, came down with drug-induced anemia."

"Sou! Anemia? That would account for his paleness and the fainitng spells then. But at least that's all."

_/No, Youji-kun That is *not* all. Its worse…far worse than even you can imagine./_

But perhaps I am mistaken and I am blowing this all out of proportion. Surely, the doctor would never let Ken-kun do it unless he had good reason top believe he could cure it, wouldn't he?

Damn it! I can't see a way out of this!

"You're getting ahead of the report, Youji-kun." Worry makes my reply sharp and catty. "Now if you'll listen and not intererupt I would like to go on?"

Youji-kun shrugs and settles back on his seat, more relaxed. Amazing how Ken-kun's well-being can work wonders on him and Ran-kun. And even me…maybe we could market Ken-kun off as a stimulant or something.

Enough of the jokes.

_/Oh, Youji-kun. You don't even know the extent of this mess.I'm half-tempted to spare you./_

But I don't. He deserves to know what happens. Besides, with Ran-kun down, he is now acting leader of Weiß and as such he needs to know how we stand so we can act on it.

"The anemia did not affect Ken-kun enough to not play, though experts were brought in to give Ken medication. Dr.Kanzaki was one of those experts. He had been in the country, researching. Because he found out that Trojan was a malarial strain.

"When Dr. Kanzaki tested Ken-kun's blood he found out that he was the exact type he needed for his continuous quest for..."

"Shit!"

I raise my head to find Youji-kun raking his hands through his hair in apparent agitation. He has finally realized where all this is heading to.

I can tell anyone who would bother to ask the exact second that Youji-kun finally realizes Ken-kun's mysterious ailment. One really needn't think hard enough. All one actually needs to know are the background facts and Ken-kun's personality. I'm almost surprised Youji-kun hasn't seen it coming until now.

"Goddamn it, Omi! Say he isn't!"

How can I say he isn't. When he is.

"Say he isn't, Omi! Tell me I got my facts wrong."

There's a desperate appeal in Youji-kun's voice as he raises pleading eyes towards me. The jade in those eyes were veined with agony and desperation, trying to deny the news.

I can wish that Ken-kun hadn't gone to Brazil and contracted drug-induced anemia, that he hadn't met Dr. Kanzaki. I can wish that that anemia wasn't the perfect carrier for the vaccine against Trojan, that ken-kun hadn't acquiesced to help Dr. Kanzaki's. But that is all they are…wishes. There is no disguising the fact.

"I am sorry, Youji-kun." I say in an almost-whisper. "But it is true. Ken-kun is Astyanax."

"No!"

Youji-kun stands up abruptly, too abruptly, overturning the chair he had been sitting in. Not that he noticed. He flees the room in a dazed rush, leaving me alone.

Sou, I had been wrong. Youji-kun reacted just like Ran-kun.

I feel awful. I want someone to talk to. But Youji-kun has left. At any time at all, it would be Ken-kun I would turn to.

But I can't. Because he's down there, infected with Trojan, trying to save the children and people from the virus by offering his life in return.

_/That is just so like you, Ken-kun./_

This is so unfair, Ken-kun. How can you do that without even consulting us first? Don't we count in your life?

I remember Youji-kun's anguished face as he tried to deny Ken-kun's situation.

_/I wish he wasn't Astyanax, too, Youji-kun. I really wish he wasn't./_

TBC ^_~

As usual, comments onegai? Lots of thanks to people who continuously nag, er, comment…this fic is nearing completion because of you guys ^_^


	15. Ken wakes

Author: Swythangel  Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 15/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine, just as kawaii Tomokazu Seki is not mine…both are Koyasu Takehito's…Or at least I'd like to think Seki and Koyasu belong together. Ahohohoho! Twisted me! 

This is like the Energizer battery ne? It keeps going and going and going…^-^ but it really is nearing the end. I promise! I just need to wind up some things, explain this and that…and of course, the ending lol> Maybe we'll get to part 21 I think…hmmnnn…   
Oh! Oh! I forgot to put in this well, uh, disclaimer: I don't know what it is like to have drug-induced anemia or even malaria, I just lifted the symptoms from the book. So I wouldn't really know if I'm being realistic enough sweatdrops> To anyone who is a stickler for realism, gomen nasai.   
Okie dokie, having said that…on with the ficcie… 

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 15** [Youji]

Run, any place, anywhere, just far from the Doctor's place. Maybe if I run fast enough, hard enough, long enough, this will all turn out to be a nightmare and when I wake up I'll find everything will be alright.

I stop, finally, wheezing and coughing. It seems that the cigarettes have finally worn down my resistance, I haven't even run more than a half-mile and here I am…winded. I laugh in self-derision. If Ken was here, I'd be choking on his "I-told-you-so's".

Aa, Ken. Why?! Why did Ken have to be Astyanax? There must be at least a hundred fucking people in the world who have drug-induced anemia but no, Ken had to be the one the doctor found.

Ken would never turn down the request to help. Its like asking the sun not to go up in the morning. It would be easier to stop the earth from turning on its axis than it is to stop Ken from helping out, especially when it involved children, never mind that it endangered his life.

"DamnDamnDamn!"

The hapless tree in front of me receive the brunt of my frustration. And I go on and on for a good long while…until the throbbing pain of bleeding knuckles forces me to stop. I slide to the ground, my agonized eyes staring at the cloudy indigo night sky accusingly.

Now more than ever my faith in a benevolent God is tested. If there really is a good God, He would not pick on Ken like this because out of all the people I have ever met, Ken's the kindest.

"Make him wake up. That's all I ask,make him wake up."

Maybe the Benevolent One is actually listening because at this exact moment my communicator meeps at me.

"Balinese here."

"Youji-kun! I just want to tell you that Ken-kun seems to be in good order and is going to regain consciousness anytime soon."

"I'll be right there, Omi."

_/Ken will be alright. He will be./_

[Omi]

Ken-kun's eyelids flutter and open to reveal the rich brown eyes underneath. The first one he sees is Youji-kun, mainly because Youji-kun comandeered the seat next to his bed soon after he arrived. I opted instead for the chair on Ken-kun's other side.

"Youji, Omi. Is Ran alright?"

"He's alright, still unconscious but none the worse for wear.Unlike you…lie back down, Ken." I hear the relief in Youji-kun's voice even as he puts out a hand to steady Ken-kun who is trying to rise. His wounded hand which had dried blood on it.

"Youji, your hand? What did you do to it? That wasn't there when we got here. Don't tell me you've been infected by my clumsiness?" Ken-kun grins.

That's what I'd like to know too. I had asked Youji-kun about it but he didn't answer. Just as he doesn't answer now, only shrugging the question off with a wave of his hand.

"I am not the one who needs to answer questions!" He tells Ken-kun and without missing a beat, jade green eyes heat with anger.

"I can't believe you did this, Ken. This is suicidal."

Youji-kun bursts out. The small smile on Ken-kun's lips vanish as he looks from Youji-kun to me. I am sure he notices the grim set of our eyes. He sighs.

"So, I guess you guys know everything, hmmnnn?"

"That's the understatement of the year." I grumble, more to myself than to Ken-kun. There is an undercurrent of desperation in my voice and I am grasping Ken-kun's hand as if it is a lifeline.

I know more, now, because after Youji-kun left, I gathered what remained of my composure to seek out the doctor to ask him about the virus.

_//_

_I dragged heavy feet down the hall, searching for the doctor. I needed to find out more about the virus, the hope that he has already found a cure for Ken-kun's sickness shining brightly inside of me. I held on to that hope, tightly, because it was all that kept me sane at that moment._

_I found him just finishing up on his tests with Ken-kun._

_"Doctor."_

_"Omi." As the doctor swung his head to look at me, I noticed that his eyes had a look of resolve in them._

_Good, he knew just what I wanted from him. That simplified things._

_"A word with you?"_

_The doctor nodded and made his way out of the room, gesturing at me to follow behind him. As soon as theI closed the door, I turned to him, the question still in my eyes._

_Why._

_"I needed to find zumone fast. Zeiger vas already moving even before I escaped. It vas chance luck zat got me into Brazil and even more luck to find Ken. I am zorry but Ken vas the perfect carrier. I could not paz it up."_

_Acceptable premise, even for me. One that I had come up with on my own, actually, but I needed to hear it from the doctor. There is no logical explanation why I needed to, I just did._

_"So the next question would be: is there a cure for his condition?"_

_I clutched tighter at the shining hope inside my heart, my invisible anchor to sanity._

_The doctor's eyes drooped at the corner and his eyes focused on mine in concern. "Vat do *you* think? If all zat Ken-kun has told me is true, you are bright enuf to come to the conclusion yourself, young Omi. Vat is your conclusion?"_

_Clutch at hope, breathe, don't let go, eventhough the dread is growing._

_I took a deep breath and told him what I thought. "From the reports I have read, I think there isn't a cure yet and if I am right, you are relying on Ken-kun's immune system holding out after his body churns out the anti-bodies for Trojan. From there, you hope the anti-bodies would also cure him of his condition."_

_"Zat is correct." His voice is laced with admiration for me but it doesn't impress me in the least because I know something else that does not exactly fill me with confidence._

_"You calculated a 90% chance of survival did you not doctor?"_

_"Yes, I did."_

_"But you did not factor in the drug-induced anemia making Ken-kun weaker through the passage of time. Factoring that into the equation, what is Ken-kun's chance of survival?"_

_He is surprised at the revelation that I just threw his way. And I repress the urge to arch an eyebrow. Just because I looked like a young boy didn't mean I couldn't read between the lines. I am, after all, the strategist for Weiß. The doctor just had to learn who Omi Tsukiyono was._

_"Ah, yes. Factoring zat in vud severely lessen the chances of survival."_

_I knew that. What I didn't know was the exact percentage. Hell, I may be very intelligent but that didn't mean I knew squat about medicine and how one factored in sicknesses. Who would know if anemia was factored in as an exponential increase or just added as a constant._

_"How low?" I asked the doctor._

_He seemed to hesitate before replying. "35%"_

_That made me rear back my head in surprise. Damn! Even I did not expect that._

_My anchor vanishes from sight at the doctor's words. The future looks bleaker than it has ever did before._

_"No." I whisper._

_"I am zorry Omi. I vas hoping I could spare you the details. Ken haz asked me never to tell you ov zis as it is."_

_"Does he know?" I asked dully._

_"Zat he has a big chance ov dying?"_

_I nod._

_"Yes. Yes he does. I varned him from the start. Vut he insisted on continuing despite zat."_

_Aa, of course he would because he knew that there is a 90% chance of his body developing anti-bodies for Trojan even if it would mean his death. It would be Astyanax all over again._

_"This anemia…the faints…you have factored them all in doctor?"_

_"Inside out, at every possible angle. Ze percentage I quoted iz actually ze highest."_

_Shit._

_//_

I am brought back to the present as Youji-kun bursts out. "Goddamn it! You're too impulsive for your own good. Why did you have to volunteer yourself?"

There is heavy censure in Youji-kun's voice, one I am inclined to agree with. As usual, Ken bristles at the mother-hen tone he senses in Youji's voice.

"Look, you aren't exactly my keeper, Youji! What was I suppose to do? Wait until someone else turns up? I read the news too, Youji and they were already reporting isolated cases of Trojan! I couldn't just sit there and wait."

Point. Ken-kun had a point of course but that doesn't stop me from siding with Youji-kun.

"You could have waited a few weeks at the most Ken-kun."

Ken-kun's head turns sharply to where I am sitting with this damning look in his eyes. "Children, Omi, they were infecting children."

Aa, children. They had always been Ken-kun's waterloo, the one thing he couldn't resist…aside from Ran-kun. But still…

_/It is not that I don't understand the situation, Ken-kun, but still…/_

Perhaps I am selfish, that *we* are selfish, Youji-kun and I, but the thought of losing Ken-kun is just too much.

"Demo…"

"Urusai! I don't want to hear anything more about this! Its done, alright? Can we do something productive instead? Besides," he smiles, "its not like I'm going to die ne?"

LIE! My eyes dilate at the blatant untruth that just came from Ken-kun's mouth. Ok so its not really a lie, after all he still had a 15% chance of living. Yeah, right!

I am just about to dispute that fact when Youji-kun speaks.

"That's good, that's very good."

The comfort in Youji-kun's voice is palpable.

Damn! Armed with the knowledge that he loves Ken-kun, how can I even say the truth now…to do so would be like incapacitating Youji-kun and the fight against Trojan was far from over. With Ran-kun down and Ken-kun barely in top condition, we couldn't afford three people out of commission.

Hard as it was to be deceitful, the greater need must prevail. _/Gomen nasai, Youji-kun./_

Maybe I can console myself with the fact that Youji-kun is probably happier now that he thinks Ken-kun isn't going to die.

… … …

Small consolation.

I want to throw something at someone, kill the one responsible for all of this….do something violent, before I lose my mind.

The door opens.

"Youji, Omi…ve haf an emergency."

Perfect.

TBC ^_~

Let's fill in the blanks! Co_ _en_ts onegai? Ahohohoho!

Wai wai! glomps you all> Greatest thanks to the people who still commented even after 72 pages of Swyth-chan's torturous first fic ^^ Because Gott is my first WK fic. ^o^v 


	16. Unexpected help

Author: Swythangel  Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 16/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine. 

And just when everyone thinks this ficcie has died….ahohoho! its alive! Its alive! blinks>and 10 pages worth too ^-^   
Ok, what happens here: some explanations on the virus thingie for this part and prolly the next part. And our ever-loving bad guys finally make an appearance here. points happily>   
Anyway, on with the ficcie then ^^ 

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 16**

[Youji] 

MYSTERIOUS VIRUS HAS A CURE! 

Patients recover in record time 

"Fuck!" I throw down the early morning newspaper, pinning the doctor with a questioning look. 

"Cassandra has made its way to the public. How could it have gotten past us?" This from Omi who glared at the paper like it was the devil's own. 

Damn straight. Was everything we did the night before a useless endeavor then? Anger fills me and I restrain the urge to punch the walls, afraid that Ken would hear it in the next room. 

Fuck it! If Cassandra is out there then what use did going into Zeiger do us then? 

The doctor clears his throat . "I vud think zat a supply of Cassandra had been handed to ze crime ring that Zeiger is connected with, ya? Zat vud explain vhy it is now out in ze public." 

"But what can we do now?" I tell him, frustrated. 

"Well, Balinese, you could try asking me, ne?" 

I swivel my head, startled at the newcomer. It is a familiar voice though so I do not draw out my wire. 

"Manx-san!" Omi cried out. 

"Hello, Bombay, Balinese." She smiled at us, a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. As always, she is dressed in her patent short skirt. She inclines her head to the doctor, acknowledging his presence. "Doctor Kanzaki." 

"So…how did you find us, Manx?" 

She arches her brow. "Never underestimate Kritiker, Balinese. It was easy enough to track you. You weren't exactly trying to hide your movements." 

"And of course, Kritiker has orders for Weiß, no? I gather the higher ups have already formulated a plan to salvage this botched mission." Of course they had, Kritiker has never failed to put up a back-up plan, they always did. I just felt like taunting Manx by implying that it was Kritiker's fault. Not that she deserved it, poor lady, but I wasn't exactly in the best of moods and I needed to vent. 

Manx cast me an annoyed look, a little bit needled I would think by the tone of my voice. " Weiß moves too independently as you well know. If you had asked for back-up, Kritiker would have provided one. Then maybe this crime ring wouldn't have gotten past us." 

I shrug off the sensitive topic, this isn't the time or place to dwell on such a sore spot. "Yare, yare. Let's concentrate on the task at hand, shall we?" 

[Omi] 

"So, is everything clear then? Will Weiß accept the mission?" 

Of course we are going to accept. It is a given. We *need* to finish off the Crime Ring before they spread Trojan throughout Japan. 

But even before Youji-kun or I could answer, Ken-kun stumbles into the room bleary eyed but awake. "What mission?" 

"Ken! You shouldn't be out of bed at this hour. Go back, will you?" 

To hear the worry in Youji-kun's voice was to hear the voice of infinite concern. Someday, I hope to find someone who would care for me the same way Youji-kin cares for Ken-kun. 

"I'm perfectly fine, Youji. Now let go will ya? I'm not fragile glass. I can take care of myself." 

_/Aa, like you've been taking care of yourself lately, Ken-kun?/_

"Manx! Tell Ken to go back to bed. He is not in any frame of mind to join this mission." 

"I'm sorry Balinese but Siberian has as much right to listen to this as you all do." Manx nodded her head at Ken-kun who flashed Youji a triumphant look before sitting down next to me. 

I hate to agree with her but Manx-san is right. Besides, Ken-kun has a very stubborn streak. He would have protested until we gave in. We don't have time for that. 

"As I was saying…" I turn my head to look at Manx again. She was looking at Ken-kun now. "Kritiker will prevent the hospitals from using Cassandra to treat the patients but to stop Cassandra we will need Weiß to stop the crime ring. Preferably tonight. Intelligence has found out that the masterminds of the operation will be meeting tonight in their main hideout. In this," A diskette appeared in one slim white hand, "is the location of the crime ring, as well as pertinent facts that you might need…" 

I make a motion towards the diskette and Manx flips it towards me. Deftly catching the small plastic, I turn on my laptop to look at the files therein. 

"Will Weiß accept this mission?" 

Again a silly question. I think to myself as I begin running the files and taking them down to memory. Would I be doing this if we didn't accept? 

"Stupid question. Would the kid be doing that if we didn't accept?" 

Youji-kun echoes my thoughts in the exact same tone I would have used if I am not so busy typing into my laptop. Funny how living with each other rubs off personalities. 

"So Bombay is in." 

From the edge of my eye I could see Youji-kun raise his hand up in the air, twirling the cigarette he held in glowing circles. 

"And Balinese." 

"I am too." 

"NO!!" Both Youji-kun and I say the same word at the same time, glaring at Ken-kun for even suggesting it. Not that I am surprised. On the contrary I would have suffered a heart attack if he *didn't*. 

"Come on you guys. I'm *fine*. Besides, how the hell are you two going to take down a crime ring all by your lonesome selves ne?" 

_/That isn't going to work Ken-kun./_ "Actually, Ken-kun, Youji-kun and I can handle it by ourselves. This diskette tells us the actual numbers of the enemy and its nothing Youji-kun and I can't handle." _/At least not with a few well-placed bombs with us./_

I smirk at Ken-kun. And see an identical smirk line Youji-kun's features. 

"D..demo…" 

"Uh-uh Ken. You heard Omi. We can handle it." I watch in amusement as Youji-kun pushes Ken-kun back into the recovery room. "You go rest or take care of Ran. Let Omi and I handle this." 

Once Youji-kun has firmly closed the door behind Ken-kun, he turns towards me with gratitude in his eyes. "Thanks, Omi." 

I do not ask him how he knew I was fibbing when I told Ken-kun that we could handle it. Like I said before, sometimes, living with people for so long, you can't help but know some things. 

The gratitude in his eyes is something I cannot forget. Youji-kun's green gaze told me that if I asked him to walk on coals right now he'd gladly do it, just because I saved Ken-kun from going with us. 

I cannot blame him. 

Ken-kun, among the four of us, has always been the one most willing to give of himself. If one of us was even minutely depressed, Ken-kun would do everything, even make a fool of himself, to cheer us up, even if he was, in turn depressed himself. Everybody loves Ken-kun. 

I do, he's my best friend after all. Ran-kun does too though sometimes its hard to tell especially with that granite mask of non-emotion he dons in front of anyone. And Youji-kun…one had to be blind not to notice. 

If Weiß is a living, breathing entity, it would have Ran-kun as its head, me as its brain and Youji-kun as its hands. Ken-kun…Ken-kun would be its heart. 

_35% chance of living…_

And what is an entity without a heart? 

Hell, look at me, waxing poetically about our little family. If the situation isn't so serious I'd actually laugh at myself. But it is serious… 

35% chance of living… 

_/You cannot die, Ken-kun! I know you won't die. Dr. Kanzaki will be able to save you in time and we'll all go back to Koneko together after all this is over./_

Yes, Ken-kun won't die. Ken-kun can't die… 

… 

"Omi. Hello, earth to Omi!" 

"Itaiii!" I glare up at Youji-kun who had rapped my head while I had stared preoccupied at a blank wall. 

"Oi, Omi. This is not the time to blank out on me. We have to get ready to storm the baddies' headquarters remember?" 

"H..hai." 

"Manx said Kritiker will be providing back-up for us so it'll be a piece of cake. So get ready all right? We move out in an hour or so." 

"Ryoukai." 

[Ken] 

"Oi, guys. Be careful alright? Omi, don't get too preoccupied with that laptop of yours and try to look around for incoming. Youji, look after Omi. And don't forget to watch your back too. Remember not to do those flamboyant turns and twists alright? You know they just make you more visible to the enemy." 

"Yes mother!" 

I see the two of them roll their eyes at me as they reply in chorus to my final fussing. I glare and scowl at them. "I mean it!" 

"Yes, we know." Youji said, drawling out the words as he patted my head. "We'll be leaving now. Make sure you don't do anything remotely endangering to your health, ne, Ken?" 

I arch an eyebrow. "Who's the mother hen now?" 

Youji just shrugs his broad shoulders. 

My two blond teammates go quietly out the backdoor in their assassin gear, ready to hunt down the beasts that spread Trojan over Tokyo and here I am like a mother…worrying about them. 

"Ki o tsukete, guys! Don't forget to take care." 

"Alright already. Now go in before you catch a cold. See you soon, mother hen." 

That's Youji's last parting words as he waves at me from the front of his car. 

He seems to be relaxed which is a good sign. Relaxed means that it is an easy mission, despite the fact that Omi lied to me an hour ago. 

Of course I know he lied. You don't live with a person for so many years and not know when someone is fibbing. And Omi's my best friend. I'd have to be a real knucklehead not to have noticed. 

I know that it is a ploy to get me to stay. They don't know that I made up my mind to stay even before that. Because Ran needs me here. 

Actually Ran would say that he did not need me. So I'll change that thought. *I* need to be with Ran. *I* need to know that he will be alright. 

When I had told Manx that I was in I knew the other two would protest. It had been a half-hearted offer on my part. 

_/And you're feeling guilty aren't you?/_

Of course I am. I mean, who wouldn't be. 

_/You can still go if you want to./_

_/Oh shut up, stupid conscience. I need to be with Ran./_

_/You mean you *want* to be with Ran./_

Same thing. Want, need, to me they were indivisible. 

_/Wanting Ran eh? Oohh, how very naughty of you, Ken./_

_/I am ignoring you. Go away./_

I shut out the insistent little voice ringing inside my head just as I ignore the pounding in my head and the weakness in my limbs. I enter the recovery room, tottering alittle on my feet, bypassing my bed to opt for the chair near Ran's side. I sit down on it and lay a hand down on one of Ran's pale ones. 

_/Why won't you waken, Ran?/_

Worry gnaws at my belly. I know what Trojan is. I should, because Dr. Kanzaki made me understand it all before he actually accepted my offer to help him. He had wanted me to know what I was getting into. You gotta love the doc for that. 

If Ran is infected with Trojan, he should be awake. He shouldn't be experiencing the full effects until after a week or so. Because Trojan's a deadly mutated malarial strain that manifests itself in a person's body in the guise of normal fevers and cold on its onset. That's why no one really notices it in the beginning, they all think its fever or something non-menacing. It only starts to get serious in its late stages. Malaria is like that, the great imitator of diseases. Hence the name Trojan. A nice use of words really. 

_/The fucking bastards should have used their intelligence for other purposes. Like go into ad agencies or something./_

A succession of chills with high fevers that occur every 4 to 8 hours, recurring every two days, itching skin, cold sores on the eyes, anemia, loss of apetite, headaches, arm, leg, backpains, rapid blood pressure, nausea…thelist goes on and on, these are the symptoms of Trojan. 

I should know, I experience some of them myself…some of the lesser ones like the headaches and the pains. The drug-induced anemia I contracted when I went to Brazil helped lessen the effects. 

This coma-like state Ran is in shouldn't even be present unless… 

Unless… 

My blood runs cold, like ice, in my veins and my hands clench on unresponsive pale flesh. 

Unless Trojan was in its later stages…then, then delirium and coma are the symptoms that herald this dangerous turn of events. 

No. 

No it isn't possible. 

How can it be possible? It defies all logic. Ran has just been infected tonight. Even Trojan for all the menacing effects it has would not be able to infect a body so fast. 

Or can it? 

_/Is it possible?/_ There was only one man who can answer what I want to know. I stand up abruptly, turning over the chair I sat in as I almost run towards the door. 

Too preoccupied with my thoughts, the clatter of the wooden chair striking the floor only makes a slight impression on me as I shut the door to Ran's room. 

[Youji] 

Strange. That's how I'd describe this mission. Very strange. 

The moment Omi and I and the Kritiker back-up entered the building, all we found was silence. 

There should be guards by now. Or at least decoys of guards. I look around. 

Not a one in sight. 

_/Too strange./_

I toggle the communicator on, static cackling softly in my ear as the link came alive. 

"Bombay, is there *any* activity at all in the building?" 

I can hear the faint clacking sounds from Omi's laptop as he tries to take in the situation. 

"This is highly unusual, Balinese. There is no activity in the building at all. If this is where they distribute Cassandra there should be some guards. Has Kritiker given us the wrong information do you think?" 

"It wouldn't be the first time." I told him, shrugging. "Double check will you?" 

"Ryoukai." 

As the communicator dies down in Omi's wake, I walk stealthily down the corridor, watching for anything unusual. I am in a welter of impatience to get the person who masterminded this whole operation. 

The reasons are numerous. For one, they are in Weiß territory and they are committing atrocities. Stupid. That alone would guarantee them a death warrant. 

Two, they are killing off people for the sake of money. Cruel. I would want it to be a slow death. 

And most important of all, they are behind the whole fucking Trojan mess and Ken would not be infected now if it isn't for them. They are the reason why everything is upside down. 

They dared to touch Ken, never mind that it isn't intentional and that it is just a coincidence. They are going to die slowly and very painfully. 

For Ken. 

"Balinese! I found some activity in the central atrium of the building, near where you are now. There are at least three other people alive in this building save for us." 

"I'm going in. Back-up?" 

"I'll back you up Balinese. No need to trouble the others they're all searching the building for evidence. I'll be there in a minute." 

I nod. I'd rather have Omi as back-up any day. 

"Will be on standby until rendezvous then." 

"Hai." 

[Omi] 

"Ready?" 

I nod at Youji-kun's whispered question, holding on to the darts that are my security in the eventuality of a fight as he opens the door slowly, trying to remain silent so as not to attract the attention of the room's occupants. 

We shouldn't have bothered because even before we could get inside, a voice slices through the thick black darkness. A niggling familiar voice. 

"What took you so long, Weiß?" 

Schuldich! My infrared goggles affirm this as I see the redhead lounging on a chair. 

_/Farfarello and Nagi Noue too./_

I note as I see the figure of the Irishman licking his knife and sitting on a corpse beside the German. The Japanese boy famed for his telekinetic ability is on Schuldich's other side, standing and staring quietly at us with haggard features. 

The American leader is strangely absent though. 

Goddamn! I thought they had perished along with Estet. 

My body reacts much faster than my brain, relying on battle-ready reflexes that are almost automatic as I throw my first batch of darts at the Schwarz team. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Youji-kun is also doing the same. 

Our attacks are futile though as Nagi almost impatiently waves his hands in the air. At the same instant, the darts I threw flies into the opposite direction, embedding themselves into the wall with a dull thudding noise. I am thrown back, as is Youji-kun. 

"Stupid." The Japanese boy said, almost unemotionally. 

Schuldich laughed. "You seem to have forgotten Nagi's abilities, Weiß. Not a good thing to do." 

"Schwarz! How did you survive? Why are you here?" Youji-kun asks. 

"Aa, curious I see. It's a rather long story. You see…" 

"We don't have time for this Schuldich." I stare in surprise at Noue. His tone is harassed and I can detect a faint touch of alarm in his voice. 

_/What is his problem?/_

"But Nagikins! Its been so long since we've seen our old friends here. Surely a friendly chat is in order." Schuldich threw back at the telekinetic with a mock expression of pleading on his face. 

"Shut up or I will throw you out of this building, Schuldich." 

"Touchy, touchy, Nagi." 

"Schu should just shut up. Or Nagi'll hurt God through Schu." Farfarello interrupted, which in my mind is a good thing for the German since the telekinetic's eyes are glowing in suppressed anger. 

"Look, this is touching. It really is. But can we fucking get on with it? Let's fight now and finish this. We have to do something important." 

"Like you can take us down when you are severely undermanned, Weiß." Schuldich sneered. 

"I said shut up, Schuldich." Nagi interrupted and turned towards us, holding up his hands. "We are not here to fight." 

"Then what are you here for?" I burst out. I can't take it anymore. The questions are going around and around in my head. Schwarz never shows up unless they have a reason. Could they be the masterminds of the crime ring? 

::Iie, bishonen. Wrong guess.:: 

I jump in surprise. I have forgotten that Schuldich could read minds. 

::I'm hurt. I thought I made more of an impression than that.:: 

"Omi's right. Why *are* you here?" 

Nagi hesitates. I get the feeling he is going to say something he doesn't want to say at all. "We need…your help." 

I blink. That is unexpected. Schwarz asking Weiß for help. I am sure there isn't a precedent for this one. 

"Our help?" Youji-kun's voice echoes my own incredulity. "Why the fuck do you need our help? And what makes you so sure we will help you?" 

Nagi shrugs. "You will help us, in exchange for our help. As you see, we have cut down your work for you." He extends his hand over the corpses littered around the room. "We have killed all of the ring's leaders save for one…unfortunately the mastermind of the whole operation did not show up at this meeting. Not that this will prove to be a deterrent. Unlike you, we know what he looks like and we can hunt him down. That we will do in exchange for the favor we will ask." 

"Still…" 

Noue's piercing gaze slices thorugh Youji-kun, effectively silencing him. Not that I blame my teammate. It is the first time I have ever seen the Schwarz telekinetic so intensely…driven. 

"You *will* accept, Weiß, because there is no other way. Your organization might be able to contain Cassandra but you will not be able to stop the mastermind from spreading it again somewhere in Japan. He might at this very moment be working on another infinitely more dangerous Trojan and then where will you be?" 

He sounds like Crawford, which is eerie. The American leader usually handles these kinds of confrontations with Weiß. He is strangely missing on the scene and I wonder if he is the sole casualty Schwarz sustained that ill-fated day. 

"In return for what?" I ask. It is all well and good that they are offering to help but having been enemies for so long, I need to know what they need too. Schwarz never offers freebies. And I doubt they'll start now. 

Noue's eyes turn hard. "The antidote to Trojan." 

"The antidote? What would you do with the antidote?" Youji-kun asks suspiciously. 

Noue's shuttered expression didn't mask the slight flickering I see in his eyes at Youji-kun's question. "None of your business." 

"I beg to differ." I interrupt. "We need to know why you need it, Schwarz. It is not something we take lightly. This is an antidote for an epidemic currently ravaging Tokyo. How do we know you are not going to use it to further harm the citizens?" 

"It is personal." Noue said, almost under his breath. 

::Too too personal, bishonen. Do not be too hard on the kid.:: 

Too hard? That is stupid. We are enemies. There's no such thing as too hard with enemies who tried to kill us so many years ago. 

::Touché.:: 

"No deal Schwarz! If you cannot assure us of the purpose you need that antidote for then you won't get our agreement." This from Youji-kun. 

"Besides," I add. "There is, as of yet, no antidote." 

"Not now, bishonen, but soon. Very very soon. In a few hours, in fact. The antidote is on its way." Schuldich said, smirking. 

"How did…." I did not complete the thought. 

"Tut, tut, Weiß. How do you think? Crawford saw it. Your little Kenken is going to make the decision soon. Another reason why you should just agree with us so you can go back to where your precious teammates are." Schuldich sneers. 

"What decision? And what about Ken?" Worry again and concern betrays Youji-kun's voice. Even Schwarz could probably see Youji-kun's vulnerability when it comes to Ken. 

"No time for this talk." Noue told Youji-kun. "Decide now or we lose track of the mastermind and you won't get through in time to see your teammates either." 

Youji-kun is wavering and I can read the thoughts in his mind. The subtle hints of a dire situation brewing in Dr. Kanzaki's office is tearing Youji-kun with indecision, his concern for Ken-kun obstructing rationality. 

"No." I interrupt. Youji-kun is in no frame of mind to talk or decide. I need to be the one to clear everything. "Not until you tell us *why* you need the antidote. Personal or no." 

"There is no time, Weiß. Especially for you." Noue said, brushing aside my question. His reluctance to talk speaks volumes and the threats are so blatantly hiding something. 

"Make time." I grit out in irritation. "If not, we do not have a deal. You do not get the antidote and we risk having the mastermind escape." 

I do not want to let the mastermind escape of course but I cannot risk giving the antidote over into their hands without knowing why they want it. Schwarz, for all the bitching we do about them being psychotic and insane, is a brilliant team. The possibilities of them using the drug for ill-purposes are endless. 

My eyes collide with the glittering eyes of the telekinetic and I stand my ground. I am not about to back down. 

Seconds pass then minutes…and finally the Japanese Schwarz member sighs. "You win. We need the antidote for…for Brad." The last two words were spoken in a whisper, barely loud enough to be heard. 

"Nani?" 

"Crawford, Weiß. Crawford has been infected by Trojan. Late stages I would say." Schuldich replied, taking over the conversation from Noue who had gone strangely silent, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side. 

Aa, now it all comes into place. 

"And that is all? You need the antidote for Crawford? Nothing else?" 

"Yes." 

Youji-kun and I lock stares and I nod. We are not sadists to deny our enemies the antidote. If they had told us that in the first place, they need not have even offered to kill the mastermind. We would have agreed to give it to them regardless. 

::Aa, but that is not Schwarz's way.:: 

Yes, it would not be Schwarz. And I guess, as in everything we do, we adhere to what we are. 

Youji-kun clears his voice. 

"You have a deal then. Kill the mastermind, submit proof and as soon as the antidote comes out, we will rendezvous." 

"Ryoukai. And might I suggest, Weiß that you hurry back to your teammates?" 

Youji-kun's face tightens. And I know my face mirrors the same worry at the implication Schuldich threw our way. 

_/What is happening in Dr. Kanzaki's lab? Is it Ran-kun?/_

::Not Abyssinian, bishonen. And that leaves you a grand total of one possibility does it not?:: 

Ken-kun… 

TBC ^_~ 

Its been so long since I sent out an installment I almost forgot to ask the magic words…lol>anyways, comments onegai? 

Ok, the Trojan virus does not really exist. Malaria does, the symptoms are from malaria. I just fabricated Trojan to make a deadly strain because malaria already has a cure. What can I say, I'm twisted ^o^ ahohoho! 

Anyways, sorry for Schwarz ooc if ever. ^-^ And lookie, did you guys notice the BradxNagi hints? lol> 


	17. Musings

Author: Swythangel  Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerüng (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: Series 17/?   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: I don't know, let's just assume there is   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz is not mine. 

Whee! Whee! I have the next part…its short and ken-centric. Not to mention a little stupid but then again its Ken…sick Ken.   
Ken: *grumbles* sure, rationalize your messy writing why don't you?   
Swyth-chan: *whacks Ken* Urusai, you…you invalid!   
Ken: I am not an invalid!   
Swyth-chan: Nyah! Nyah! You are too.   
Ken: Raaaannnn!!!!!   
Swyth-chan: *sweatdrops* The things sick people do…now you're a crybaby.   
Ran: *enters with sword swinging* Shinnneeeee!   
*Swyth-chan runs away*   
Ok enough with the fooling around….here's the ficcie… 

**Götterdammerüng**   
**(Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 17**

[Ken] 

"Doctor!" I crash into the doctor's laboratory. And the doctor looks up from the blood scans he is doing with an unsurprised expression on his face. 

The question in my eyes must be so evident because as soon as the doctor guides me to a chair he nods his head in my direction. 

"I haf yust finished ze scans on Ran's blood. He iz in ze late stages of Trojan." 

My heart jumps up into my throat at the doctor's pronouncement. And it is all I can do to choke out the next words through a throat that has constricted. 

"Demo…how is that possible, doctor! He just got infected tonight." 

The doctor sighs. "It zeems that Zeiger has mutated ze virus yet again, combining the Plasmodium Falciparum [1] with ze new Trojan strain. Zis has made Trojan even more deadly since it has incorporated some aspectz uf ze Blackwater fever [2]. It only takes a few days to kill off its victim." 

"How many days?" I say tightly, not daring to look at the doctor as my insides clench in fear. 

"At hiz condition? He haz already entered coma. Two days at the most. One if he cannot hold out." 

No… 

No… 

"N…n…no. It can't be." I slide out of my chair bonelessly at the horrific situation. Not Ran. Dear God, not him. 

"I am zorry, Ken." I can feel the sorrow in the doctor's voice. And I react. 

"Don't say it like he is dying already, doctor! Surely, surely there is a way to cure him." 

The doctor shakes his head. "If we haf Astyanax for Trojan, it vud still cure Ran. But zince ve don't..." He pats my shoulder. 

Hope flares in my chest at what the doctor just told me. Astyanax, Astyanax could cure Ran. And I, I am Astyanax. 

"Doctor!" I grip the doctor's arms. "It is time Astyanax did his job." 

Alarm lights up the doctor's eyes, framed by the dark glasses he wears. "Absolutely out uf ze question, Ken! You are still veak from ze mission you did. Ve cannot proceed vit Astyanax or it might…" 

I shake my head vehemently. "Now is the perfect time! I'm perfectly fine." Of course, I ignore the throbbing in my head. It is not a time to give in to weakness, not when Ran… 

Not when Ran needs me the most. 

"Zat is a lie. You are not perfectly fine az you vell know, Ken. And ve need you to be as healthy as possible." 

Okay so the doctor can't be fooled. Not when he knows me so well. I try a different tactic. One I should have employed before. 

I try the truth. I try to tell him my feelings. 

"Look, Doc, let's face the truth. I may never be perfectly fine. Ever. You know and I know the chances you have calculated when we entered this. I know we have been hoping for the best and trying to prolong it to increase the chances but now, in the light of this new development, we can wait no longer." 

"You are saying zis because it iz ze one you love on ze line. You are losing your objectivity, Ken." 

I smile sadly at the doctor. "Yes, it is Ran on the line. And that is one of the reasons why I do this. But I have never had objectivity in the first place, doctor. I only agreed to wait before because the situation has not worsened as much as it has during the past days. I am not hypocritical. I still want to live after all. Like you, I have been hoping that all would be fine. That the time frame we alloted would be enough." 

I shake my head, more to myself, I guess than for the doctor. "But now the situation has worsened. This new mutation can spread anytime soon and we still need to extract Astyanax. There is no time. No time for us and no time for Trojan's victim. We need to do it *now*. We are the city's only hope." 

In my heart I know that I am rationalizing to myself too, convincing myself that this is the way. Because eventhough I do want to save Ran and that alone should steel my nerves, I am still afraid. 

I am afraid of closing my eyes and not being able to open them again, ever. Not to hear the laughing voices of my soccer kids, not to be able to shoo Youji away for harping on and on about taking care of myself, not to laugh as I see Omi obsessively clacking away on his computer, and not to see Ran… 

I, Ken Hidaka, am afraid to die. Funny, this. After living with death at my side as a member of Weiß for so long, that I would be afraid now. But then again, it has been two years since I did not think as an assassin. Two years of knowing normal living, or at least as normal as it was, without Ran by my side. 

Death had seemed so very far off. 

_/I am afraid of dying but I have to save Ran./_

Yes, I do. Besides, there is still a chance for me to live. The doctor is the best in the business. 

_/That's it. Smile. Hope springs eternal in a Hidaka's heart. Be strong Ken. Be strong./_

"Doctor, please. You know just how many people are infected with Trojan. And Cassandra has made the rounds. Just how long do you think those people will have before their condition worsens to a stage where even Astyanax will not cure them?" 

I pause, looking at the doctor. I can see the conflict in his eyes. He is, after all, a saver of life. He does not want to see people die. At the same time I know that he is worried for me. He hates the thought that I might die just for the antidote. 

The whirling emotions in his eyes need only a push from me to make him agree. And by now I know the right buttons to push. 

"For the sake of everyone who needs the antidote. Astyanax must be extracted. Now. At whatever the cost, whatever the sacrifice. It is your duty as a doctor to do so." I puto ut a hand to Dr. K's arm and give him a sunny grin. "Besides, I'm certainly not going to die. Not without a fight and certainly not with such a good doctor with me, ne, Dr. K?" 

"Ken…" The doctor shakes his head and smiles at me fondly. "Alvays ze optimist." 

"Someone has to be, doc. Someone has to be." 

"So vhen do you vant to start?" 

Ran. No time to lose. "As soon as possible. Now if its ok." 

I can see the doctor consider my impatience. "Vhy don't ve vait for the ozers to arrive? I'm sure zey are on zer vay here already." 

"No!" I can't help but cry out. This startles Dr. K and I try to recover by scratching my head and offering an explanation. "I mean, not good. You know how Youji is. The mother hen will just fuss about a lot and that'll get my blood pressure up." 

The doctor shrugs. "If you zay zo. Ve can start in a few minutes." 

"Great doc! I'll just be in the other room. Call me ne?" 

"Ja!" 

I can't let Youji or Omi know what I am doing. They would not understand why I would do this now and will try to stop me. I'm 100% sure of that.They're going to point out that I am too weak, too sick to begin extracting Astyanax. 

And they would be right too. Even now I can feel my legs trembling at the effort of walking, and I feel like I am stuck in a sound proof chamber. Every noise sounds muffled and faraway. It is taking everything in me to stand up… All that is holding me up is a stubborn streak as wide and long as the Great Wall of China. 

If Youji and Omi are to arrive before the doctor and I even start they would examine me minutely before allowing the procedures to begin. They will notice the paleness and promtly abandon the idea of doing the extraction. 

Which would be disastrous. Much as I appreciate the concern they have for me I cannot let them stop this. There is too much at stake. The people in the city, the kids, and…Ran. They needed Astyanax. And I needed to see them alive. 

I enter our room and sit down again on the chair next to Ran's bed, holding one pale unresponsive hand in my right hand while alternately stroking scarlet hair out of his face with another. 

I stare hard, trying to memorize the sleep-softened features of the one person whom I love the most..it would probably be a good long while before I can see anyone or thing again and it seems fitting that the last thing I will see before Astyanax is Ran. 

"It seems Ran that our talk will have to wait ne?" 

My fingers trail lightly and gently up his arm as I try to take in his features into my heart, my eyes roaming over familiar and loved features as I talk softly, addressing Ran's prone form. 

"I wanted to talk to you right after the mission Ran. I wanted to tell you to forget about the past and all the misunderstandings. I wanted to be able to be able to hold your hand and hear you say you're willing to start over." 

"I want… 

I want to tell you… 

….that I love you." 

I laugh a self-derisive laugh. There I finally said it. And what good does it do me when Ran doesn't even know I am here, much less hear what I said? 

_/Aa, but isn't that the story of my life? First Kaze, then Yuriko…now Ran. I just can't seem to hold on to anybody at all./_

Tears gather again and I dash them away with one hand. This is not the time for tears or even doubts. It is a time for me to be strong. Especially with so many people counting on me. 

I bury my face in Ran's chest, searching for a little comfort. 

It is so hard…so hard to be strong when all I want is to be protected and cared for…just once. 

What is taking the doctor so long…all this free time is making me think up silly thoughts that I shouldn't be having at all. 

I wonder if Youji and Omi have finished the mission. I hope nothing has happened to them. But then again, I hope they aren't on their way over here now either. Because those two are the only ones who can stop this now. And I can't have it stopped. 

Knock! Knock! 

I look up as I hear the soft knock on the door and softly reply. 

"Its open." 

"Ken? Ze lab iz ready. Ve can proceed if you are zure." 

Zero hour. 

"Of course I am sure. Let's go, doc." 

There is no turning back now. 

I kiss Ran softly on the lips. A liberty I can bravely take because he will not know anyway. "Oyasumi,. Sleeping Beauty. You'll wake up soon, I promise." 

And with that I stand up and follow the doctor out of the door. 

"Are you zure about zis, Ken? Vat about Youji and Omi?" 

I shrug. "They'll understand the need. They are Weiß, they know our duty." 

_/But they won't like it./_

I can almost picture the horrified expressions on their faces. 

_/I am sorry, Omi, Youji. I hope you forgive me./_

TBC ^_~ Comments onegai? 

Its hard going these days…hard to write. *whacks muses* They're too engrossed in each other to offer inspiration *grumbles* 


	18. Forgotten by God

Gotterdammerung Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerung (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: 18th part of the Series   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: None but the usual.   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff   
Disclaimer: Weiß is not mine, its Koyasu-san's and Project Weiß's. I'm only playing ^-^ 

Still remember me? Lurker extraordinaire reporting for gott duty! ^-^ Two more months and this fic'll celebrate its one year anniversary…how kowaii.   
Anyway, I promised a lot of people this would be the first fic I'd be working on when I do write Weiß fics again so here it is ne? Thanks to all the people who commented even when I was lurking. ^-^ FF.net commentors, you guys rock! sorry i wasn't able to reply to all of your comments. *glomps you all*   
I'm missing some people in the wkff…er Bridget? Mirror Dance, WK god ^-^v? Koyuki? Tschubi-chan? ^^   
Ok no more babble I think. Here it is… 

**Götterdämmerung (Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 18**

[Youji] 

_Forgive me…_

Ken? 

I take a quick look at the rear view mirror. I know that Ken did not come with us but the voice is so real that I just have to check. Ken can act as wily as Schwartz when his stubborn streak takes him. And I won't put it past him to try and sneak into the car when we were not looking. 

I slide a glance at Omi at my side. The boy is clacking away at his laptop computer, which means he did not hear anything at all. 

… 

But it sounded so real… 

_Forgive me…_

Schuldich's words come back to me… 

_/And might I suggest, Weiß that you hurry back to your teammates?"/_

Ken! My heart beats faster, somehow something must have happened to Ken. And only one thing enters my mind. 

I step hard on the gas pedal. 

"Youji-kun!!! You're driving too fast! Slow down." 

"Ken." 

It is all I say but Omi understands as he sighs and holds on to the seat with a deathgrip that looks almost like a steel clamp. 

"Ken! Wait for us." I mutter under my breath. " Don't do anything until we get there. Because if you do anything without telling me first, I will strangle you." 

_Forgive me…_

I won't let you die, Ken. If I have to move heaven and earth to do it, I won't let you die. 

[Ran] 

Floating… 

I am floating in infinite darkness, the kind of darkness that swallows even the shadows into itself. It is cold and unyielding, like ephemeral shards of jagged steel that thrusts itself into one's soul deeply but quickly vanishes when one tries to pull it out. One that inspires hopelessness and fear. 

I am not afraid. Its been a familiar feeling for me, one I have lived with for so long. Sometimes it even feels like a welcome friend that I visit when the mood takes me. 

But today it does not. I resent its intrusion. 

Mostly because it has taken me away from him. And HE is one of the most important things in my existence. 

We were going to talk after the mission. 

I claw at the darkness, trying to come back to consciousness but the darkness does not slip away, instead it solidifies in front of me and refuses to allow me passage. I recognize this darkness as different from the usual one I dwell in. It is more cloying and it smells of decay. It also saps away at my strength, a formless vampire that feeds on my vitality, making me weak. 

I cannot fight it. 

So tired. This darkness makes me so tired that I almost want to close my eyes and surrender to it. It is not hard to deduce why I am feeling like this. It is a disease. Trojan if I am not mistaken, from the dart in Zeiger. 

I cannot afford to be trapped by this damn virus. Not for a second. I do not know why but I know that if I cannot get out of here, something is going to happen to him. 

Ken. 

I can feel you near me. I can feel the fine strands of your hair brush against my chest as you lay your head down on it, I can feel your roughened callused hands as you hold onto me, your weight a familiar warmth I miss. 

I can hear what you are saying. Even in this disease-ridden darkness I can hear your voice and it is what is keeping me from succumbing to it. 

"It seems Ran that our talk will have to wait ne?" 

_/Ken. Wait for me, I will get out of this./_

"I wanted to talk to you right after the mission Ran." 

_/We will talk, Ken./_

"I wanted to tell you to forget about the past and all the misunderstandings." 

_/If I can have another chance to spend my life with you I would gladly try to forget the mistakes we made. But do not ask me to forget about the past. Because the past was when you were with me, I can never forget it./_

"I wanted to be able to be able to hold your hand and hear you say you're willing to start over." 

_/We **WILL** start over. This I promise you./_

"I want…I want to tell you…that I love you." 

_/As I love you./_

Why, why does it feel like he is speaking with finality? Like he is going away somewhere and never coming back. 

Instincts tell me that he is going to do something I will not condone if I am conscious but what it is exactly I cannot fathom. But knowing Ken it is something impulsive and it involves sacrifice on his part. It always does. 

_/I forbid you!/_ I want to tell him. Whatever it is he is going to do, I do not want him to do it. 

Out of desperation, I try to part the darkness again. I must stop Ken from whatever decision he has made. 

But the darkness is as unyielding as ever and I fall back into the void. I cannot force myself out so instead I close my eyes and try to communicate with the only thing left to me…my heart. 

_/Hear me Ken, listen to me and know that I love you. Stop whatever it is you are about to do and wait for me./_

It is useless though. He does not hear me. He can't hear me. 

"Oyasumi,. Sleeping Beauty. You'll wake up soon, I promise." 

No…Ken.   


[Youji] 

_/Talk to me, Ken./_

"You never fucking listen, do you? What did I say? Make sure you don't do anything remotely endangering to your health. That's what I said and what did you do? This! Of all the stupid, insensible…" 

_/Come on, Kenken./_

"…ornery, argumentative thing to do. You would do this to me, to us! You couldn't just wait could you?" 

"Youji-kun…" 

"You could have waited, you know. How long have Omi and I been gone? Just over three hours, damn it! Can't you even stay out of trouble in that short a time?" 

"Youji-kun." 

"Its not fucking fair, Ken! You tell us to take care but you don't give a rat's ass for your own safety. **HOW CAN YOU DO THIS!**" 

"**YOUJI-KUN!**" 

What penetrates my consciousness is not the shouted words but the wrench I feel on my shoulder and I glare at Omi for stopping me in the middle of my tirade. 

"What?" I ask him with a glare worthy of Chief Shinigami himself. 

"Shouting will not help the situation any." 

"Omi," I frown at him "Ken needs to know just how rash he's been in this situation. Now stop trying to distract me." 

Omi looks at me, his blue eyes glassy bright and sad, but there is determination in his features and the grip he has on my shoulder is strong. I try to shake it off. 

He is keeping me away from Ken. 

"Youji-kun!" He shakes his head, the fall of honey blond hair hiding his face from me as he whispers his next words. "It is useless. No matter what you say or do, Ken-kun will not be able to hear you. He has slipped into a coma even before we arrived." 

There it is. The cold truth. It would have been nice to hang on to the illusion that Ken is listening to me. That he isn't lying there on the clinic bed attached to blinking and bleeping machines, unconscious. 

He looks so frail, no color is left in those cheeks or lips. He's like a waxen copy of the Ken that we all knew. 

"Ne, Youji-kun, daijobu. The doctor says Ken-kun will snap out of it once Dr. Kanzaki works on a cure for him. Astyanax comes first. We shouldn't worry too much. It is only because of the drug-induced anemia that he has slipped into this state. He'll bounce back. He's at the peak of his physical condition. He won't lose the fight, not to a stupid disease. Not our Ken-kun." 

I can hear the almost desperate rationalizing tone in Omi's voice and knows that he is saying this not only for me but for himself. He wants to believe in it as much as I do. I know I should probably try to assure him… 

… 

But there are no words inside me to do so. Everything is focused on Ken. 

_/I am sorry, Omi./_

Maybe Omi understands far better than I give him credit for because he only looks at me and nods his head, letting go of my shoulder as he returns to his seat. 

"Its better if you try and rest awhile we still have some things to do. Trojan is still at large." 

_/No. I will stay here with Ken./_

The thought is instantaneous. What do I care about Trojan or any other when Ken is lying there on the bed almost dead. 

I don't say it though. I still have sensitivity enough to realize that like me, Omi feels like fragile glass right now and the wrong words could break us into pieces. I can't chance it. So I say the only words that would come out. 

"Aa." 

Omi gets up then. "I'll take a small nap then Youji-kun. Schwartz will be in contact soon and I'll have to be up and about by then to take care of it." 

I nod. 

"Youji-kun? Just a little more ne? We just need to hold up a little more. It'll be over soon. And we'll ALL be back at Koneko." 

_/Thank you, Omi./_

As the door shut behind Omi, I turn back to him, glad for the privacy. 

To tell the truth, I am not only a little anxious but also a little bit angry…no, scratch that, I am very incensed at Ken for deciding without our consent. 

"You did it for Ran did you not? You did it so Ran wouldn't have to die." I didn't need Ken to be conscious to know that. The doctor had informed us of Ran's condition when we had gotten back and why Ken had decided to extract Astyanax when he did. 

_/"I did it for everyone's sake."/_

"Everyone's sake? Who died and made you the martyr? What you did was pure fucking selfishness, Ken. You didn't even consider all of us who cared for you did you? You only thought about Ran." 

_/"Yes, this is about Ran. But I also thought about you and Omi, Yotan. Of Aki and Rei and the rest of my soccer team, my friends, the victims of Trojan."/_

Yes, he did. Deep within my subconsciousness, I know Ken did. But I need a focus for my anger, my despair. I need a focus to control all this else it will spill all over me and drive me to the brink of dangerous depression. 

_/"It is the best way, the only way."/_

"Don't you think I know that?" 

Of course I know that but it is so difficult to accept. So fuckingly difficult to accept. 

Tears prickle at my eyes but I hold them back. Now is not the time for crying, to cry is to give up hope and I will never give up hope. Ken is going to waken sometime. He will. 

Once the Doctor Kanzaki extracts Astyanax from Ken's blood, the victims of Trojan will be saved. Then Ken will be saved. 

Until then I will stay by his side. For as long as it takes for him to wake up. Forever if need be. 

_::Ich will hier bei dir stechen {I will stand here beside you}_   
_Verachte mich doch nicht! {do not then scorn me!}_   
_Von dir will ich nicht gehen, {From thee I will not depart}_   
_Wenn dir dein Herze bricht. {Even if Thy heart is breaking.}_   
_Wann dein Herz wird erblassen {When thy heart shall grow pale}_   
_Im letzten Todesstoss {in the last pang of death,}_   
_Als denn will ich dich fasren {then I will grasp Thee}_   
_Im meinem arm und Schoss.::{in my arms and lap.}_

_/Schwarz!/_

_::What? I found it strangely appropriate. That was touching, Balinese, real touching! Now what do you do for an encore?::_

_/Get the fuck out of my mind, you sick bastard!/_

_::Tsk! Tsk! Is that any way to treat someone who has just ended all your troubles with that Crime Ring?::_

_/You have finished the job?/_

_::What do YOU think, Weiß?::_

_/What do I think? That you're a dangerous snake who might just as well be fucking with my mind rather than telling the truth./_

A mental laugh. _::Touche. You have a point, Kitty Cat. If you require proof then we will bring you proof. Just make sure that you have the cure ready when we get there.::_

_/Wait for our signal then./_

_::We do not jump when Weiß tells us to, Balinese. We'll be there in a week's time.::_

_/The antidote might not be ready by then./_

_::Oh it will be, Balinese. It will be. Trust us on that.::_

_/How…/_ But even before the thought forms in my head the answer hits me. Of course, the Oracle leader. 

_::Vunderbar! You are learning, Weiß. That is good. See you in one week's time Kitty Cat. Tell the bishonen this.::_

Of course Schuldich did not tell Omi that eventhough they know it is Omi who has assigned himself the position of go-between. I should have known Schuldich would be perverse. 

_::Oi, I'm still here, Weiß. It's rude to talk trash on people.::_

_/So? That doesn't prevent me from slandering your name. With all the insults you get, I'm quite sure you're used to it by now./_

Another laugh. _::I'd come up with an appropriate repartee but unfortunately I have things to do. Ja, Weiß!::_

As the remnants of Schuldich's presence fades from my mind, the implications of the situation falls down on me like a load of bricks. 

So it nears the end. In one week's time, Astyanax will be found and the city saved. Then, Ken too will be saved. 

... 

One week. It seems a long time in coming… 

TBC ^_~ As usual comments onegai? I know I've been dragging this out and now its actually sounding like a dang soap opera o.O but I can't help it, its built this way, gomen. Its nearing the end though *big loud grateful sigh from readers* so let's all rejoice. I estimate around three more parts left and then we're all hunky dorey done. ^-^ So bear with me onegai?   



	19. Twists of Fate

Author: Swythangel  
  
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com  
  
Title: Götterdammerung (Twilight of the Gods)  
  
Type: 19th part of the Series  
  
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...  
  
Rating: PG (just to be safe)  
  
Spoilers: None but the usual.  
  
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi  
  
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff  
  
Oi-ya another part out. ^^;  
  
This is dedicated to Lilas-chan! Because she requested it to come out this Saturday night just in time for her to relax after her SATs. So here it is hot off MS Word and unbetaed. I hope you enjoy it, Lilas-chan.  
  
To Bridget and Tschubi-chan too because its been a long time since I heard from both and I kinda miss em ^^  
  
To everyone who ever liked this fic and pestered me to go on. I might not always respond to e-mails but all those e-mails are what prods me to keep going and I appreciate that. ^__^  
  
To the ff.net people…please go to yahoogroups.com/group/swythchanfics and sub to the list. Ff.net almost always screws up in my login so I don't really get to post here that much.  
  
  
  
Götterdämmerung (Twilight of the Gods)  
  
1.1 Part 19  
  
[Omi]  
  
I watch as the slender point of the glinting steel breaks human flesh. A single ruby red drop wells up from the pierced skin as the syringe is removed from the pale surface and I suck in my breath, mesmerized by the sight, unwilling to look away. Hoping, ever hoping, for visible signs of healing. I imagine Astyanax penetrating the blood stream, coursing through each cell.  
  
/Work./  
  
The doctor puts aside the syringe on the bedside table and waits. Youji-kun is waiting right alongside him while I stand on the other side of the bed in the middle of the laboratory, looking down unto the unconscious Ran Fujimiya.  
  
It is his third dose in three days. Life signs have stabilized but the crucial question remains: will he regain consciousness? If he does not then Astyanax is for naught.  
  
/Work, damn you. You cannot NOT work./  
  
It has been three days, three endless fucking days of hell. Strain and worry have taken their toll on the three of us and it shows. But at last in the hands of the doctor lies a possible cure…a manifestation of all our hopes…Astyanax.  
  
My hands clench into fists, nails digging into the palms of my hands, forming half-moon indents into work-hardened skin.  
  
The pain and tears of the past months, the enduring strength, the blood and sacrifice of Ken-kun's life is all there in Astyanax.  
  
No, Ken-kun *is* Astyanax.  
  
/This can't NOT WORK!/  
  
My best friend is lying in the other room hooked to various bleeping machines, half-dead because he decided to gamble with his life in exchange for thousands of others.  
  
It. Will. Work.  
  
"Come back to us, 'niisan. Please!"  
  
It comes out as a half-whisper, hoarse from crying and exhaustion. And I grip her shoulders tight in my hands for comfort, trying to impart silent strength to the trembling girl who is clutching Ran-kun's left hand in a death grip.  
  
Aya-chan.  
  
She looks as awful as the three of us. Her eyes are almost swollen shut from constant crying, cheeks blotched from the salty runnels and there were black bags under her eyes. She has neither eaten nor slept in the past three days since we told her.  
  
Poor Aya-chan. Awakened to find years of her life lost, coping with it and finding balance…only to rush into this kind of situation.  
  
I can't blame her for breaking down. Ran-kun has been her lifeline, the only constant bulwark of her existence.  
  
Maybe I shouldn't have told her. Seeing her waste away like this tears at me, adding to the pain, adding to my guilt…  
  
Because it was I who made the decision to tell her against Youji-kun's insistence that we shouldn't.  
  
//  
  
"No, Omi!"  
  
Youji-kun is vehement in this, shaken out of his stupor and silent vigil at Ken-kun's bedside at my question.  
  
"But she deserves to know…"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Youji-kun!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Let's have it your way then. We won't tell her that her brother is in a coma, infected by Trojan. But what will we tell her? She'll notice that Ran- kun has not come home for the night. You know how she worries."  
  
"We tell her Ran has a mission to finish."  
  
/What?/ I couldn't believe my ears and my eyes narrow to slits as I give Youji-kun the benefit of the doubt.  
  
"And the next night?"  
  
"That he still hasn't finished."  
  
"What about the next night and the night after that?" I burst out with a thick trace of anger on my voice. I could not help it. "And if Ran-kun d…" I stumbled at the thought but continued. "If Ran-kun dies or worsens I suppose we tell Aya-chan that he decided to go on extended vacation?"  
  
I had meant to be sarcastic but the tears that prickled on the edges of my vision ruined the effect I had been going for. I took a savage wipe at them. And opened my eyes to find Youji-kun standing in front of me, a hand on my shoulder.  
  
His eyes are a brilliant green, glittering, and for the first time since Ken-kun fell, clear. They conveyed understanding and an apology…  
  
"We will tell her." A gentle squeeze and Youji-kun returns to Ken's side.  
  
//  
  
And now I ask myself, watching the frailness of Aya-chan's bowed shoulders, if Youji-kun's way would not have been better, if subjecting her to this is too much torture for one single girl to bear.  
  
/Is it too much for you, Aya-chan?/  
  
As if she can feel the wait of my scrutiny, she looks up, with dark eyes full of pain and something else…something that I have seen countless times in my own…determination.  
  
Aa, in her own way she has been through so much and that has made her strong. She will survive through this.  
  
The question would have been better put to us. If Ran-kun or Ken-kun do not survive, would Youji and *I* survive through this?  
  
Only silence greets my question.  
  
[Youji]  
  
Bleep!  
  
The room is quiet, the only sounds shattering the stillness are the quiet bleeps of the machine. If anyone asks, I could tell them just how many seconds there are between each bleep.  
  
5.2 seconds.  
  
5.2 fucking seconds…a long interval…5.2 seconds of silent anguish, of hope, of anxiety. The bleeps are my lifeline. I cling to it tightly like a lover yet I hate it at the same time. Like the Sword of Damocles, dangling by the hairline, ready to fall on top of my head, its bleeps affirms my existence and yet at the same time reminds me of the danger.  
  
Bleep!  
  
A reminder of the current situation, a reminder that Ken is lying on a bed, near death, but not yet dead. Alive yet not alive. The bleeps are a cruel reminder of that. And that's why I hate them. I almost wish it to stop.  
  
Bleep!  
  
Yet… for the bleeps to stop would mean that Ken's heart had stopped beating…that he was dead.  
  
Bleep!  
  
No, he's not dead.  
  
I squeeze his hand to assure myself, taking comfort in the warmth it still retains and the pliable skin. Surely, dead skin would not feel as soft as this, they should feel more like rubber latex than anything else.  
  
Bleep!  
  
What a morbid thought.  
  
He looks dead though as he lies against the pillows. The vitality I have come to associate with him and his vivid brown eyes lies hidden by closed eyelids. Eyes that held its soul out for the world to see, as honest as it could possibly be, heart shining out with courage, happiness, kindness, love, pain, anger, irritation, the works. I love the myriad play of emotions in those eyes. Sometimes I think I could just sit and watch it all day.  
  
Beautiful brown eyes.  
  
Bleep!  
  
Eyes I might never see opened again.  
  
"Stupid, stupid Ken." I whisper.  
  
Despair washes through me for the nth time this day and I am angered at how easily I am rendered so vulnerable, so useless.  
  
So vulnerable that the condition of one single boy can affect me so much when I have seen countless deaths. So useless that I am allowing the youngest of us to take over the leadership of our group when its suppose to fall to me as the oldest.  
  
Omi deserves better from me. Everyone deserves better. But I cannot give it.  
  
Gomen, Omi.  
  
  
  
[Omi]  
  
A hand twitches on the clean white sheets and three sets of breaths exhale in palpable relief. When purple eyes slowly open to look blearily at us I cannot help myself as I break into a smile.  
  
"NIISAAAAN!" Aya-chan is the first to dive in, hugging Ran-kun fiercely, as if she does not want to let go, ever.  
  
"Ran. Thank God." Even Youji-kun's quiet exclamation is filled with relief. Tired but relieved. He had taken the time out from his vigil on Ken-kun's bedside when the doctor had told us of the development.  
  
There is a God after all.  
  
"Ran-kun…" I step back to allow Aya-chan the time with her brother that she needed as I look onto a scene I thought would never come to pass and a tear rolls down my face.  
  
I allow myself to cry. It has been four days, four long days of non-stop research and helping the doctor, four days of pretending to be the strong one, holding myself together because if I didn't there would be no one else to be the strong one.  
  
Four days of hell.  
  
Or heaven. Take your pick.  
  
It is said that the road to reward is fraught with peril, I read that somewhere in one of the reading assignments I had for school but never really internalized. I believed it then, lived it actually, and now it comes full circle once again.  
  
All our efforts have finally paid off. This batch of Astyanax finally worked.  
  
::Congratulations, bishounen. We knew you would be able to do it.::  
  
/Schwarz!/  
  
::What is it with you people?:: Schuldich asks in an exasperated voice. :: 'Schwarz!':: He mimicked me. ::You all always say that in that particular tone, a very hostile tone I might add. Everytime. It gets old after awhile. You would think you'd become more creative. Tch!::  
  
/You know Astyanax was going to work today./ I think flatly, it was a statement not a question.  
  
::Of course. I told you mein herr Great Leader predicted it long before he succumbed.::  
  
/You could have told us./ Anger flashes through me.  
  
::For what bishounen? It wouldn't have helped you in the making of the drug anyway.::  
  
/Have you ever heard of assurance, peace of mind?/  
  
::I'll try to remember that the next time I'm trying to stick a dagger into your side Weiß kitten.:: An image of Schuldich saying 'this won't hurt' as he stabbed at Omi frittered into Omi's mind, sarcasm so evident it was almost tangible. ::In case you haven't noticed, this is only a ceasefire. We are not friends. We'll be knocking on your door in a few hours. Be good enough to get Astyanax ready. Or Nagikins will not like it and he'll knock your door down.::  
  
I can't help the glare that comes to my eyes as the last bits of Schuldich's presence faded from his mind. The Schwarz telepath irritates the hell out of me. But a deal is a deal. They had delivered on the goods and now it is time to deliver on ours.  
  
"Sumimasen, Dr. Kanzaki, minna." I clear my throat and interrupt the happiness around the bed with steely determination. "We will be needing a dose of Astyanax. Schwarz is coming to collect it."  
  
"A…aa." The good doctor blinks at me in lieu of a nod.  
  
Youji-kun shrugs. "I suppose they did help us. Besides, better to give it to them and have them off our backs."  
  
"Schwarz?" A cracked, rusty voice interrupts us.  
  
"Niisan, be careful!" Aya interrupts, helping Ran-kun sit up a bit without disturbing the various tubes attached to him.  
  
"They are…alive?"  
  
"To our great misfortune yes. They're like fucking flotsam, floating up when you least want them to." Youji-kun told Ran-kun.  
  
"And you, you made a deal with them?" Purple eyes flared in accusation at us.  
  
"Don't fucking start on anything Fearless Leader. We had our hands tied and *you* were struck down with that thrice damned virus. So. Don't." Youji-kun grounded out punctuating each word with a glare. "You. Even. Start."  
  
Maybe Ran-kun could sense the air of desperation in the room or noticed how lines of worry travelled across all our features but whatever it was he did not push the issue. Instead, he looked around and finally said one word.  
  
"Ken."  
  
I am not surprised. In fact I am more surprised by the fact that he has only just noticed right now.  
  
"Ken." His thoughts run through the purple eyes, panic overlaying over all of them. "Where's Ken?"  
  
He knows.  
  
I do not know how he knows because Youji-kun and I found out when the doctor gave us the folders and that was after Ran-kun slipped into a coma.  
  
So how did he know?  
  
"Where is KEN!?"  
  
Ran-kun is transferring his gazes to everyone in the room. One by one, everyone finds something to do…Aya-chan fusses over his dextrose tubes, Dr. Kanzaki turns to measure the Astyanax dose to be given to Schwarz and I turn my eyes to my laptop…no one wants to tell him.  
  
Only Youji-kun is left.  
  
I expected him to mutter some excuse but he surprises me when he doesn't. Instead, he turns resolute jade green eyes to pin Ran-kun with a steady gaze. "Ken is in the other room. In the infirmary right beside this lab."  
  
"Is he…" Ran-kun does not continue the thought but everyone knows what he is asking. Is Ken-kun all right.  
  
But even before anyone could answer him a loud claxon sounds from next door and all of us turn to the doctor in question.  
  
Dr. Kanzaki is not where he is, he is even now yanking savagely at the door and running to the next room. Form the top of his voice he shouts in his wake, "Omi! Youji! Wiz me! Ken iz going into zhock!"  
  
Oh, Kami-sama! Fate can be so cruel to give us back Ran-kun and now try to take Ken-kun away from us.  
  
[Ken]  
  
It hurts…  
  
I want to cry out with the agony but I am too tired. Too tired to give voice to the fierce jagged pain that rips through my body, too tired to even open my eyes, too tired, sometimes, to even breath…  
  
/Let go./  
  
Let go. The thought constantly fills my head. How easy it would be to stop struggling against this blackness and just let go, to float with the icy current and not try to swim against it.  
  
Listen to me! Trojan must be getting to me for me to even think about letting go. When has Ken Hidaka given up so easily? I've always held on with tenacity to even the smallest task, occasional clumsiness and half- baked spontaniety might have hindered me but I still hung on.  
  
And now I'm talking about letting go…  
  
/Because you're tired…/  
  
No. Not because I am tired, well partially maybe. But mostly because everything is finished. There is nothing that needs doing, at least by me. I've done my part, Astyanax is on the way, its all in the Doctor's hands now.  
  
/The virus is still rampaging over the city./  
  
Kritiker will take care of it.  
  
/And what about the people you have left behind? Will you not spare a thought to what they will think? To what will happen when you let go?/  
  
Am I that arrogant? To assume that I will have an effect in their lives at all?  
  
/Baka! You indulge in foolish selfishness!/  
  
So now it is selfish to want to rest after sacrificing one's self. Since when has my conscinece become the prating moralist?  
  
/You know what I mean./  
  
Alright, I do know. And just an hour ago…has it been an hour? A day? Two? A week? I cannot tell. It feels like eternity…I did not want to die at all. But now it's a whole new ball game. Here in the dark, with the agonizing pain surrounding me, and with only myself to talk to, its getting damn hard to think about other people.  
  
How does one think about living when, at the back of my mind, there is a small voice promising light, blessed light and comfort, if I just go with the current? Surely it is much better to do so than to fight against endless darkness?  
  
Even now I cringe at the thought of staying in this darkness. I hate it. I will lose myself in this darkness. Or go insane. I want the light…  
  
/What about Youji and Omi? What about Ran?/  
  
The names stab at me, sharper than any pain, yet refreshing at the same time, a momentary solace to my torment.  
  
If I die, life would go on. Youji…Omi…They would mourn me, surely, for a dear friend lost. It may immobilize them for a time but they, like me, have gone through enough deaths to let it ruin their lives.  
  
I purposely avoid mentioning the last and dearest name because I do not want to think about that right now. I hope that my conscience would not remember.  
  
/And what about Ran?/  
  
Damn. I am forced to turn my thoughts to him.  
  
/Will you not even try to hold on to know if he is alive?/  
  
Panic. Fear. But I cannot let them rule me. OF course he will live, Dr. Kanzaki will make sure of that. If not, all this would be in vain. He WILL live.  
  
/You promised him that you would talk after the mission./  
  
When I asked him his face had been as beautifully remote as a sculpture. Does that tell me anything about how he feels for me?  
  
/If you die…/  
  
Would he mourn me? Would he even be affected? Can I even hope that he will shed a tear in my memory if I go?  
  
I do not know.  
  
He has never given any indication that he even cares for me at all. Not after what I learned from Sakura all those years ago. What am I suppose to think?  
  
Maybe he won't even think about me at all…  
  
I smile, as much as it is considered a smile in this darkness. A bitter self-recriminating smile.  
  
I had thought that this pain was the utmost I could take. It seems that I am once again mistaken. Because the thought that Ran would not even care if I die rips me apart further. More than the pain of this debilitating sickness.  
  
Maybe if I had a little more strength left I would be able to accept that thought and continue on in the darkness but such as I am now, I cannot.  
  
What is the point in living if I cannot even have that tiny hope that Ran cares for me?  
  
I am tired.  
  
Slowly, hesitantly I let go of my tenuous grasp on my life and reach out with trembling hands towards the promise of light, allowing the current to tug at me in the direction it wants me to go.  
  
I am about to fully submit myself to it when, from out of the darkness, a voice reaches out to me. It sounds far away, muffled, almost imperceptible but I hear it.  
  
It is like a shaft of light in the darkness and it gives me more joy, more hope than I can ever imagine. It strengthens me and I clutch it to myself tightly as I grasp at life once again.  
  
I will never let go.  
  
With all my strength and will I will hold on. Even when all that is spent I will hold on. Because from out of the darkness of my despair and pain came that which I will treasure for all time…  
  
::I love you, you cannot die!!!::  
  
I know not if it is hallucination, can I even hallucinate in this state? But somehow I know that it is his voice, his cry I hear. And somewhere in the waking world he is sitting by my side, holding my body to him.  
  
Ran.  
  
"Once again, when I least expect it, you rescue me from the darkness. I will hold on, love."  
  
TBC Comments Onegai? ^__~ Nice and long ne? To make up for my long stay away from it ^^  
  
I have decided on the ending. And its going to come at Part 21 I think or 22. But it'll stay there. I hope you guys can still hold on with me. I've enjoyed all your company in this fic.  
  
I have work already so I'm not making any promises anymore. Next part comes when it comes. Hopefully by April. And I promise no more April Fool's Day joke involving Gott ^o^ If anyone remembers that particular joke on wkff that is. hehe 


	20. Almost

Author: Swythangel   
Email: swythangel@hotmail.com   
Title: Götterdammerung (Twilight of the Gods)   
Type: 20th part of the Series   
Teaser: With their return to Weiß, Ken and Ran find old feelings resurfacing...   
Rating: PG (just to be safe)   
Spoilers: None but the usual.   
Warnings: Strong Language, Shonen Ai leaning towards Yaoi   
Keywords: Ken, Aya/Ran, Youji, Ran/AyaxKen, YoujixKen, angst, a lil fluff 

I am ALIVE! ALIVE! XD Oi-ya another part out. ^^; 

**Götterdämmerung (Twilight of the Gods)**   
**Part 20**

[Ran] 

"Lifesigns are going down!" 

"Masaka! Doc, what do we do?" 

"Mouth to mouth rezuzitation…" 

"Its not working!" 

"One side, Youji-kun!" 

"Clear!" 

Ken's body lifts from the bed as an electric shock jolts his limp body. He looks like a puppet, jerking in time to the motions of the shocks. 

It's the first view of Ken I have as I walk slowly into his room. /Ken./ I want to rush into the room but I can't. Weak as I am from Trojan, it is all I can do to even walk with Aya supporting me. 

"Its not working." 

"Clear!" 

Omi's voice is panicked, near-tears as he works. And even as the last word falls from his lips I disengage from Aya and stumble unto a space near Ken's side. They allow me in even if I know I am just a niusance and ignore me as they continue to work. 

I stare at Ken's white face and almost bloodless lips in horrid fascination, willing him to live. 

A horribly flat tone issues from the machine by the bed. 

"Its no use, Doc! Flatline!" Omi says. 

"NO!" I shake my head. 

On the other side Youji is pushing both hands at Ken's chest muttering. "Damnit, Ken! Don't give up now, damn you! Don't give up!" 

"Clear!" 

Another shock runs through Ken. 

But still, the machine beeps out one flat tone, emphasizing the fact that nothing is working. 

"It iz no use." The doctor finally says, laying a hand on Omi's hands. "He iz gone." 

"No!" 

"No!" 

The negation comes from both Youji and I at those words as Omi weeps silently. 

"I am zorry but we cannot do anyzing elz to help him." 

No… 

Youji acts like he hears nothing, continuing to push down on Ken's chest. Again and again and again. 

"Ken you bastard you can't die! You WON'T die. Live damn you live!" It was a litany that repeated itself over and over even as Omi drags Youji away by force. It all happens outside my world, like its happening to someone else and not me… 

No… 

My grip tightens on his hand and slowly, unmindful of Aya's protests, I lift myself to the bed and cradle Ken's head in my arms, caressing silken locks, rocking him. 

_::We said we were going to talk remember?::_

Flatline. 

"Ran-kun?" Hesitant hands tug at my arm. 

_::Don't die on me.::_

Flatline. 

_::You cannot let your soccer kids down._

_You cannot let Omi or Aya or Youji down.::_

Flatline. 

Soft hands tug harder but I hold on all the more tighter. "Oniisan, Ken-kun is dead." 

NO! 

The negation sounds loudly in my head, kept there by the iron control that stops me from breaking down in front of everyone. Faced with the reality that Ken might really be dead, the most natural response welled up inside me, pure and honest… 

_::I love you, you cannot die!!!::_

The words reached out, I felt it reach out, into the void of my mind and I could swear that it reached him, wherever he was and I tighten my arms around Ken's unresponsive body. 

_::Do not die.::_

A discordant sound disturbs my self-absorbed concentration, a high-pitched sound that has replaced the flat sound moments before, almost like a response to my thoughts. It brings me back to reality and a world of activity that suddenly springs to life at the sound. 

"One side, Ran!!" 

"Gott! Zis should not ve possivle. Omi…" 

"I'm right on it, Doc!" 

"Try to stabilize hiz condition." 

"Hai!" 

In a daze I stand where Youji has pushed me, looking at them as they work. It seems impossible but Ken is still alive. He's still alive. 

But how? 

_::Bin ich gleich von dir gewichen {Although I have strayed from thee}_   
_Stell'ich mich doch weider ein {yet I have returned again}_   
_Hat uns doch nein sohn verglichen, {for Thy Son has reconciled us}_   
_Durch sein' Angst und Todespein.:: {through his agony and mortal pain.}_

_/Schwarz!/_

_::Mein gott! Do not start Abyssinian. Helping your Siberian has given me a headache as it is. I do not need your unimaginative response and hostility adding to that. I can just as easily put Siberian back under. Oh you owe me, Abyssinian. You fucking owe me.::_

_/How?/_

_::A simple matter. If you have my powers. It was your voice that brought him back, Abyssinian. I merely provided the channel. A chancy opportunity at best but as you see, it has worked out.::_

_/But why?/_

_::Call it payment…for Trojan and for…::_

_/For what?/_ What could it be that Schuldich wanted to atone for? My mind cannot grasp at the concept, confused as it is by the drugs. 

_::Thinking ill suits you, Abyssinian. Now please get the damn door before we tear it down.::_

_/What doo…/_

Almost before I complete the thought the door chime rings out its merry tune. 

Schwarz had come to collect. Whatever it was.   


[Omi] 

I left Schwarz to Youji-kun, knowing he could handle them if only because he was too tired to actually bait the telepath. Ran-kun went with him to keep himself updated of the situation. Ever the leader, Abyssinian is. 

There was a general air of relief, a release of tension for all the fine things the day had wrought. Ran-kun was conscious and healed, Ken-kun was stabilizing and Schwarz had gotten rid of the crime ring. 

Or at least everyone thought so. 

I knew better. The worst was yet to come. 

_/Ken-kun./_

Cassandra or the mutated version that ran in Ken-kun's body was still there. Worse, it was spreading all over Ken-kun's body. This last scare was the proof. Malaria was a deadly virus to contend with especially when it mutated out of proportion. 

I know what would come next. Ken-kun would awaken in a few hours and stay conscious. Until the virus kills him. The pain would be 10 times what he experienced before. The next time Ken-kun succumbs would be the last time we would ever see him. 

It was a race with time now, on how fast the doctor could manufacture the cure. 

"Ken-kun, hold on."   


[Ran] 

The Schwarz members I see before me are not the same ones I had seen in battle. They look careworn, older. 

_::You don't exactly look so peachy keen youself, Abyssinian.::_

_/Stay out of my head, Schwarz./_

_::Snappish as ever I see.::_

"The cure?" It's the youngest Schwarz member who speaks first. He looks more careworn than the other two put together. Tired lines burrowing runnels into the sides of his mouth with worry. 

"Not until I see proof that you have eradicated the Crime Ring." It was Youji who answered. 

Noue nods towards the one-eyed lunatic who threw a brown packet in my direction. I deftly caught it, opening the bag to reveal Polaroid pictures. 

"Tachikawa Amano, chief of operations." Noue said in a clipped voice as I turned over the first. 

"Hamazaki Kei, right hand man." 

"Kurow Riley, security." 

And on and on until the end. So many people killed yet Noue's voice was as cold as a glacier. This boy who was even younger than Omi, sullied by reality. 

Tch. I must have become more acutely sensitive with these brushes with death to feel pity for someone who stands on the opposite side. 

"This," Youji takes the pictures from my distracted hold, "is all well and good. But where is the head honcho?" 

Noue nods again and Farfarello hesitates a split second before throwing a sack. It lands near Youji's shiny boots with a dull thud. The sound sounds solid enough that I know what is to follow even if Youji does not. 

It was a head. Youji cursed and threw it back down into the canvass sack, directing a glare at Noue. 

The young Schwarz member didn't even blink as he told us: "Christophe Ernzer. Head of Zieger. As I am sure you know." 

"Christ! Did you have to bring us his fucking head?" 

"You wanted proof. That is unarguable solid proof that we did our part." Was the dispassionate reply. 

_::You can't get any more solid than that.::_

Trying to keep Schuldich from entering your mind to comment was like stopping a river with a toothpick, which is to say, impossible. 

Youji shrugged. "Point taken. We'll keep up our end of the bargain then." He extended his hand where a syringe lay capped. It had a semi-golden fluid inside. "Astyanax. As promised."   


End Part 20 

TBC 

You know you're so out of it when you hesitate before typing in Farfie's name. O.O Its been a long time ne? Sorry about that. Its a bit short and you guys don't deserve short after all the months of stopping this (well to the ones who still read it that is) but I needed a filler. 21 will be the end and it will be a doozy. I'll be including a teaser to be sent out to the list after this babble. ^_^v 

You also know the drill. Tell me what you think. Not too late to bonk me over the head with a mallet for the outcome.   
  



End file.
